I have a vivid memory of holding Elliott as a brand-spankin’-new newborn and thinking, “I AM NEVER SENDING MY BABY TO KINDERGARTEN!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT KIND OF CRAZY PEOPLE SEND THEIR BABIES TO SCHOOL???!!!!!!”
But alas…the day has come, and I am now that crazy person :). Honestly, I had no tears or sadness surrounding Elliott’s first day…I truly only had pure joy. 5 1/2 years ago (as you can see) I couldn’t even entertain the thought of putting him in school, but when you have peace, you have peace. “You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace…” (Isaiah 55). That was how I felt about Elliott’s first day :).
Now, to be entirely fair…we are partially homeschooling him, so I only have to say good bye to him 2 days a week. If it were 5 days? All you would be hearing about is weeping and gnashing of teeth.
We spent a long time praying and looking into various schools but there is this gem of a little school (practically on the other side of the state from us) that won over our hearts. He goes for two full days a week, getting to frolic and chat and play with the sweetest little bunch of kindergarteners (including two of his favorite friends), and then he gets to come home and be taught by his very first (and of course, favorite) (*wink*) teacher mama the other three days a week.
So all that to say, friends kept asking me if I was okay after dropping Elliott off for his first day and I just responded, “YEAH!! We’re so excited!!” Look how far I’ve come in 5 1/2 years :).
And the day before his big first day? I was like a little elf the night before Christmas!!!! Dreaming of every way to leave him touches of love and surprises throughout the day…loving getting to celebrate this big, handsome boy of mine!! We had let him pick out a new back pack and a lunch box a couple weeks earlier, and I set out packing his lunch with his very favorite things and a little surprise…
Gah!!!! This is way too stinkin’ fun!! I get to pack him little notes in his lunch that he can actually read now!!!!!! I’m on cloud 9 :).
The school is fairly far away, and Elliott is our child who loves to sleep in…so it has been a little bit of a rude-awakening for him (literally) to have to get up in time to be out of the house by 7:30. But here he is…bright-eyed and bushy-tailed on his very first day!!!
Okay…maybe this picture does make me cry just a little bit!!!!These two!!!!!!Holding an apple for his teacher and showing off his new back pack and lunch box…and definitely tired of pictures at this point :).
Many hugs and kisses later, we sent our big man off for his very first (half) day of school. And, of course…while big brother is away, little sister steals his car seat :).
Mwahahaha….
Selah and I headed off to gymnastics and came back to get Elliott at 1 since it was a half day. Then we got ice cream with Kari and Quinn (who opted to not be pictured with the cow) to celebrate! Awesome first day!!!
“The cow.”
AND NOW…for THIS big girl’s first day of school!!!
Selah has gymnastics on Tuesday and Thursday mornings and so we decided to keep her there instead of enrolling her at a school. She’s definitely a bright little cookie (already reading trying to catch up with her big brother!!) but she LOVES gymnastics and we weren’t going to put her in school in addition to that. So, I’m “officially” homeschooling her for her first year of preschool. (Oh the joy!!) Doing “formal” school with her at home has really allowed her to shine academically…this girl has somehow absorbed most everything Elliott’s learning while practically standing on her head. So Elliott’s first homeschool day was her first day of preschool!
Look at this big girl!!!
Since I decided not to decorate our “classroom” yet, knowing I just had no idea what I would need and want up on the walls, we just made a chalkboard banner together outside the door. Selah scribed, “BACK” and Elliott wrote, “2 SCHOOL”. Can anyone guess what their favorite colors are? I know they’re pretty subtle…haha!
We had a super fun first homeschool day, drawing, writing and playing with playdough!
Here are two (of the million) reasons that I LOVE homeschooling:
1. That Elliott had the hour that he needed to finish this simple little task. He is a meticulous artist :).
2. That I was featured in Selah’s first day of school picture!! (*Sniff, sniff*) She drew the two of us and wrote “Mom” next to me (she still flips her letters at times, so “MOW” does, in fact, mean “MOM”) 🙂 She said she drew the two of us walking on a glass bridge…soooo…there’s that :).
And of course…I handed Selah a little surprise during lunch time!
And then…we finished off our day with recess of course!!!
…which turned into science because they found a cool bug on the trampoline :).
I am so grateful for this sweet little school that we’ve found that allows us to homeschool part time, that our dear friends are there with us, and that I get to be the kids’ teacher mama three days a week!!!! Happy school year to the kids and happy back to school for this here teacher!!!! 🙂
We had probably seen “Pets Rule!,” a captivating, delightful, and highly-entertaining show at SeaWorld at least a dozen times. Elliott has always been quite taken by dogs and animals of all sorts, and this show was FULL of them—dogs, cats, pigs, ducks, you-name-its–all moving to the beat of the music while performing incredible stunts. Perfectly trained animals, clearing having the time of their lives as they showed off their mad skills while the audience cheered loudly with admiration, awe, and excitement.
Pets Rule!
So there we were, probably the thirteenth time in, and we got to THEE PART. You know, thee part…? Where they cue the touching music and make their speech at the end? Well, the woman had barely spoken the first three words of her monologue before the tears began to ROLL out of my eyes.
“…But you know, not all the animals you see here today were always so happy and healthy. As a matter of fact, some of the pets you have just seen perform, like Fresco or Casey, were either surrendered by their owners or picked up off the streets and taken to shelters and had no one to care for them. Take Chad. His owners gave up on him. They said, ‘He had too much energy and couldn’t be trained.’ Well, as you can see, Chad is very well behaved. Chad responded to every instruction he was given, jumped through hoola hoops and over obstacles and threw balls into hoops…”
Chad was not just “trainable.” Chad had been trained to be an extraordinary dog. A dog who performed amazing feats and tricks that most dogs will never do in their lives. His teachability and talent were clearly qualities that had been inside of him all long…it’s just that he had been given up on.
My lip quivered like a small child and I finally stopped trying to hold it in. Brian looked at me, incredulous. “Are you…crying??” he whispered in total awe. “What is wrong??”
“It’s just…it’s just…” I blubbered. “It’s just that this speech gets me every time!!”
Now, just to be clear, I’m not really an “animal” person. I mean, they’re great and all, and I love watching them do cool tricks and I’m happy for my friends who have pets that they love…but they’re not really my thing. So, as sad as it is that there are pets who have been abandoned and given up on, my heart beats for a bigger thing…my heart beats for the children who have been abandoned and given up on.
The speech…the speech about Chad and the other abandoned animals…It’s such a reflection of how our world views kids these days…how parents, teachers, society view our children. Unruly children, exasperated parents. You see it everywhere. Children in the grocery stores, throwing fits and screaming at their parents; parents throwing fits and screaming right back at their children. Children abandoned…everywhere. Physically, emotionally, spiritually…abandoned. They have not been trained. Where are the parents?? Where are the fathers?? Where are the mothers?? Where are the ones who will, instead of giving up on “unruly, impossible, nothing-can-be-done” children, go to their knees and ask God for His grace to understand the Word—where every piece of wisdom needed to parent in righteousness can be found? What I have heard over and over from parents is, “He is too out of control. There’s nothing to be done.” Why is it that the moment someone hears I have a 2-year-old, their expectation is never that he would be the delight that he is, but instead that he would fall right into the “the norm,” which is, “naturally,” that he would be a “terrible two-er”? Why are the “terrible twos” considered a “normal,” “expected” part of aging? I have a hard time believing that Jesus would have walked by a “terrible two-er” and said, “Oh, yeah…just get used to it. There’s nothing to be done…just carry on, and hope that age 3 comes quickly.” Yet this is what we seem to believe as a society.
I encountered it in teaching every day. A father who would roll his eyes while talking about his daughter (in front of her) and telling me how impossible her attitude was to deal with. A mother who labeled her son “devil child,” and then was filled with rage when he lived up to her expectation.
And over and over I saw—the root of the problem was not the kid. The root of the problem was that the kid was not trained. The kid had been abandoned—emotionally, physically, spiritually—and now was unruly. Over and over parents threw their kids at me each day telling me they were impossible. But a little training, coated in a lot of love, went a LONG way.
Unfortunately, a teacher can most often only go a “long” way…it is very difficult to go the entire way. That’s the parents’ jobs. To love and train their children relentlessly and diligently their entire lives.
But I see it in homes, too. Homes where the parents deeply love their children and love the Lord, yet have resigned to certain aspects of exasperation because “aren’t kids just exasperating?” It’s what we’ve been taught. Parenting is already the most difficult job that there is, and I want to breathe HOPE into you that it’s NOT your lot to live with exasperating behavior, rebellion and disrespect!! It’s not good for you OR your child! God promises us more!! I have observed this resignation in many, many families where the parents (excellent, excellent parents) just didn’t have vision for this “more.” This is what grieves my heart—like the owners who gave up on Chad because he was “untrainable,” I see parents, my friends, who are at the end of their ropes, exasperated and fed up. Unlike Chad’s parents, at least they don’t send their toddlers to the streets (haha), but they do not search out for more in their homes because of this stereotype that babies/toddlers/kids can’t be trained and are just meant to be frustrating their first few years of life. It grieves my heart because I know that’s not their heart for their kids and I know they are not living in the fullness with real vision. Vision that there truly could be peace. That the fruits of the Spirit could, indeed, be alive and active in their homes…even—even—in a home filled with babies and toddlers (and more).
I don’t condemn Chad’s previous owners—that’s not the point. But there’s this piece of my heart that wonders what could have been for them, had they had vision to really train him. I imagine he would have brought an enormous amount of joy into their home.
Elliott, taking great delight in this incredibly sweet, well-trained pup.
So to say that I am passionate about the training of children unto righteousness, godliness, holiness and practically, unto respect, self-control, and love probably doesn’t do my passion justice. But if you have spent even five minutes around me, with my kids or any others, my passion will probably be quite obvious. I am inserting a mini series of “Training” posts within my “Victorious Parenting” series because, I believe, training is fundamental to being a victorious parent.
I know this because I know this is God’s heart for us as his children and also for us as parents. Not only does he say, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6), but THE ENTIRE BIBLE is filled with training. Instruction. Teaching. If we neglect to train our children, we neglect to understand God’s heart in many areas of our own lives and the lives of our family. And that, my friends, is a big deal.
So, I will leave you with this: Proverbs 29:17 (in several different versions) to breathe some hope.
Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart. (ESV)
Discipline your children, and they will give you peace; they will bring you the delights you desire. (NIV)
Discipline your children, and they will give you peace of mind and will make your heart glad. (NLT)
Correct your son, and he will give you comfort; He will also delight your soul. (NASB)
Now doesn’t that sound nice?!?!
The following is from a commentary I read on this verse: “Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest,… Ease of mind, satisfaction and contentment, freedom from all anxious thoughts and cares; the correction being taken in good part, and succeeding according to wish and design; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul; by his tenderness to his parents, obedience to them, and respect for them; by his prudent behaviour among men; by his sobriety, diligence, and industry in his calling; by his fear of God, and walking in his ways; than which nothing can give a greater delight and pleasure to religious parents.”
This Scripture speaks to a picture of a child who is disciplined, trained…a child who brings peace rather than chaos. My children are far from perfect. (Perfect will never be my goal.) But I will tell you with confidence—they are trained (and, obviously, will need to continue to be trained every day for the rest of their lives). This Scripture could not ring more true in our home, as Brian and I say to each other constantly, “Our children are so delightful!!” Not because they act perfectly all the time (again, not the goal), but because so much of the time, our children are, indeed, tender to us, obedient to us, have respect for us…Selah, even at 16 months old exhibits all of these behaviors on a regular basis. By the grace of God, in these early years where selfishness and tantrums are very real battles, our kids are already delights to our souls. And they did not just COME like that, like some people assume :). It has taken a LOT of training…but wow, have we seen fruit from that training!! Every day I am grateful for what we have invested in their early months and years, because it surely brings delight to our souls every single day. My heart is not to boast in anything I have done (because it was only through utterweakness and hours of prayer on my knees that I came to understand many of these truths), but only to boast in the truth of the Scriptures that promise us that when we train up our children according to the Word, there will be good fruit.
So, let’s join together and grab hold of the GOOD NEWS!! I hope you will join me on this journey to explore what God says about training our children unto godliness! I hope you will join me on this journey of HOPE as we take the Word at His word! Stay tuned for the next post: “It’s Not You, It’s Me.”
I couldn’t let 2013 slip away silently, without writing a little something to REMEMBER who we are as we finish out this past year and begin a new one. If I had written a Christmas letter, this is what it would have said. 🙂
There’s not a day that goes by that Brian and I don’t turn to each other and say, in some fashion, “We are so, so, so blessed…” Now don’t get me wrong…we have had QUITE the year in some aspects, and someone looking at all of our various challenging circumstances might call us anything but “blessed” this past year. But “blessed” is all we can see when we look at what matters eternally. We are so grateful for the goodness of the Lord and how He’s carried us through every trial and lavished us with AMAZING children, faithful parents, loving relatives, and deep, life-changing friendships. How could we possibly be more blessed, even when our circumstances are trying?
SELAH, 15 1/2 months
Our sweet and spunky thrill baby who is extremely passionate about her favorite things. She has a special love for hats, coats, and shoes still, often trying to put a second pair of shoes over the ones she currently has on.
“Help, please, Mama?”
She loves picking up various articles of clothing laying around the house and putting them on her head or around her shoulders like a scarf.
“Look what I found!”“I didn’t think he’d need them while he was on the potty…”
She loves to dance, especially during worship, which means she is a perfect pair for her big brother who has recently started singing ALL the time. He often breaks out in spontaneous song, and she breaks out in spontaneous dance! (Watch this cute video, and ignore the fact that I don’t really know the tune or the words…)
She, like her big brother, is very particular about the way things should be (where on earth do they get that trait from??) and tells me how various parts of our routine should go. After getting her pajamas on for bedtime, she very passionately insists that she wants to read a book and she gets very, very upset when we don’t have time to read one. When I get her up in the morning she points to the chair where I nurse her and asks for milk, then she points to the boppy and says ,”Boop!” Then she points to her blanket which she likes over her during that morning nursing time. She finds every tiny piece of trash and food on the floor and brings it to me. She also LOVES to throw things away, and I think I’ve finally trained her to only throw away diapers and trash, not toys. 🙂
She can’t get enough of the trash can…
She still climbs ON and IN EVERYTHING including our HIGH kitchen table chairs which has caused many near-heart attacks for this Mama :/.
“Just helping you with dinner, Mama!”
She loves to take a “bipe!” of anything that we are eating, and besides yelling out, “bipe!” she opens her mouth INCREDIBLY wide to show us that she means business. If you ask her for a kiss, this is also the same face she makes…so you never know what you’re going to get :).
“Can I have kiss, Selah Bean?”
She is so, so playful. I love seeing how her spunky little mind works. She has several little “games” she plays with me…one is that as soon as I go to get her in the morning, she won’t let me pick her up until I’ve played peek-a-boo through the crib slats at least once with her. She also has this funny little game where she breathes out through her nose several times, waits for me to mimick her, and then she growls. I think it is SO FUNNY.
Sometimes, if I’m in the kitchen and she’s playing in the living room, she’ll call out to me and then do the breathe out/growl thing. As soon as I do it back to her, she’ll go right back to playing :). How awesome is she?? She fills my heart with utmost gratitude, joy, and constant laughter and awe.
ELLIOTT, 2 3/4 years old
I’ve said it before…but this child just brims my soul with delight. He LOVES friends, his sister, the bible, “building a big house” with duplos, wearing his jammies, singing songs, tiny things (ANYTHING that’s “tiny,” he LOVES), his daddy’s old playmobile set, puzzles, being a “working guy,” and animals. He still has a love-hate relationship with animals: he only ever wants to eat off the two plates that we have with animals on it and loves playing with his animal figurines, but refuses to go near an animal that’s alive and breathing. Recently, he’s developed a huge passion for stickers; he will go through an entire book of stickers and stick them in one pile onto another piece of paper.
“Don’t worry, Mom, I think I can fit at least 400 more stickers on this sheet of paper.”
His super power, besides having a phenomenal memory, is noticing incredibly subtle nuances or when anything is new or different. As we moved into the winter season and I began wearing more sweaters and warm things, he noticed every time I put on something he didn’t recognize. “This is new?” Recently he has discovered the word, “Why?” which has certainly given me a run for my money as a mom :). We did have some breakthrough recently…usually every day as Brian leaves for work, Elliott asks which car he’s going to take. When Brian answers, “the truck,” Elliott asks, “Why?” and Brian explains that he wants to leave the Suburban here in case we need to go somewhere. Well, the other day he said as Brian was leaving for work, “You take the truck? You take the truck so we have the ‘burban in case we need to go somewhere?” Elliott memorized his very first bible verse at the beginning of December, and loves talking about bible stories. A few weeks ago, he put a laundry detergent clear plastic cup on his chin like a beard and said, “I am Noah!” We then built our own ark out of duplos and filled it with animals!
“Let’s build an ark!”
He LOVES, and I mean L-O-V-E-S, applesauce. He eats an unbelievable amount of applesauce in a day and we definitely have to cut him off after a while. One morning while I was putting Selah down for a nap, I could hear Elliott opening and closing things in the kitchen and obviously working on something, I came downstairs to THIS face…INCREDIBLY pleased and delighted himself:
He couldn’t WAIT to show me what he had done ALL BY HIMSELF as soon as I got back downstairs…
Turns out he had gotten a bowl and spoon out for himself, opened the fridge, took out the applesauce, poured it into his own bowl, put the applesauce back in the fridge, and enjoyed his special treat that he prepared himself. As you can see, he was SO PLEASED with himself. So then I opened the fridge to look at the brand new applesauce jar that I had JUST opened, and this is how much applesauce was left :).
I keep telling him he’s going to turn into apple sauce if he keeps eating it at this rate!
Elliott has such a tender heart towards the Lord and LOVES to read the bible. He makes sure that we read it every day in this household…talk about accountability!! 🙂 One night a couple months ago, after requesting several stories that didn’t happen to be in the children’s bible we were reading, he finally said, “Read about Jesus, God, take mine sins away….Jesus DIED!” I’m in awe of his faith already at the age of 2…a toddler who does not want band-aids or other soothing methods when he gets an “owie,” but who cries out for Jesus to heal him instead. Pure delight to my soul.
THESE TWO….
BFFs.
Having two siblings who love each other (most of the time, haha!) is simply extraordinary. I think to myself multiple times a day, “What a GIFT to have two children who LOVE, and who are LEARNING to LOVE, each other…” The majority of the time, they play incredibly well together. Elliott is such a phenomenal big brother most all day long, and looks for ways to bless, serve, and help his little sister. When she’s crying in the car (which is most of the time, haha!), he sings, “LA, LA, LA, LA, LA!!!” at the top of his lungs until she starts to sing along, too, and forgets why she was crying. When we pull into our cul-de-sac he says, “Look, Selah! See? See??? We’re almost HOME!!!” When I get Selah in the mornings, as soon as I’m done nursing and changing her she asks for “Dada” and “Elliott!!” She will ask for him until he finally wakes up and then she RUNS into his room screaming because she can’t wait to see him. As soon as I get Elliott up, one of the first things he always asks is, “Was Selah asking for me?” They are truly BFFs. Lately they have been holding hands a lot, and it is the most precious thing ever.
Running around the house, holding hands…
He makes her laugh. I love how much laughter is in our home each day!! (You probably don’t have to watch the ENTIRE video to get the point…) 🙂
They have some sort of sleeping unity that I think is CRAZY. We have video monitors in their rooms, and I’m telling you—SO MANY TIMES they end up sleeping in the exact same position at the exact same time. I’ve probably taken a picture of it a dozen times, but it happens SO OFTEN! Isn’t that crazy?! Has anyone else experienced this??? I took these pictures seconds apart…
Her.Him.
He is also super helpful with her…feeding her when I am getting dinner ready and constantly telling me what she needs.
SO helpful, and she LOVES being fed by big brother!
When Elliott needs to go sit in a time out, she automatically goes and joins him. Kind of defeats the purpose of him being a little bit isolated so he can gather back up his self control, but it’s just so dang cute that I have a REALLY hard time telling her to move…I just love her love and admiration for him so much!
“Ahh, thanks for the sympathy, Selah! I’ll take it.” 🙂
She would be content snuggling and hugging him all day long…unfortunately he doesn’t ALWAYS have the patience for that :).
“I LOVE you, Elliott!!”Though he doesn’t always have the patience for hugs, he is constantly giving out kisses…
US TWO.
I continue to be the most blessed Mama on the planet, constantly in awe of the privilege it is to raise these children and spend every single day with them. I got to help teach a parenting class during the Fall, and it stirred up my faith even more for being a mom! Of course it can be challenging to train up these little ones, but the joy just so far exceeds the challenges. I LOVE my job!!!
Brian just finished one business adventure, and is on to the next. So although we are very much looking forward to ending our year-long transition streak, we are also super excited and expectant for what’s ahead. We are realizing that our entire marriage has been one big transition after another, yet it’s incredible to see how transition has made our marriage that much more stable. Brian and I so often say to each other, “I’m so glad it’s YOU.” We have had our fair share of trials and challenges this past year, but each time we have come out with a much deeper faith, much deeper confidence in the goodness of our God, and much greater love for one another. There are SO many questions we have pressed into in the last year, regarding life and godliness, and each time we examine the Word and come out in agreement over what it says, we praise God for the rare gift of unity that He’s poured out on us. THIS Scripture has been life:
“So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while.These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.” 1 Peter 1:6-7
I think I can honestly say that I do not take a single blessing in my life for granted. Each day is a gift. My time with Elliott and Selah is so precious…I will never get these little years back, and although some days seem very LONG, I just don’t want to waste a single minute of each one. Each day with my husband is a gift. I married a man who works incredibly hard at every task that is set in his hands, who serves without question or expectation of reward, who guards his tongue, who selflessly takes care of those around him, who lives with integrity of character despite being misunderstood and mistreated, who holds a high standard of godliness in our home, who cherishes me and lavishes me with praise daily, and presses me to not settle short for less than the fullness of Christ. Never in a billion years could I possibly choose another. When I said on my wedding day, “The Lord has seen to every detail of what I need” I had no way of knowing how deep and profound I would come to understand that statement four and a half years later.
Transition and loss, new days and gain.Adios to Mexico, Hello, Rocky Mountain plain.Trials and joys, sickness and healthAnd a faith that is stronger than the greatest wealthWe thank you for your lessons but bid you farewell, 2013…This entire year you showed us that we are so very blessed indeed.
With great love,
The Mobergs
*This post is part of a series on Victorious Parenting. Click on the label to the right to read all posts in this series.*
I am determined to know my daughter’s heart.
Selah is more complicated than Elliott. And unfortunately, we tend to view the characteristic, “complicated” as a criticism. But it’s not a criticism, it’s a part of who she’s created to be. I’ve seen it from the time she was a teeny weeny baby… she would cry at times and I had NO idea why, whereas Elliott almost NEVER cried at odd times for no reason. Her naps have been totally unexplainable for long seasons of time, whereas Elliott was quite predictable. Selah is much more sensitive than Elliott ever was. Elliott was always perfectly comfortable and happy with every stranger or friend that he met, and always content to be in their arms. But Selah has shown lots of partiality to her mamacita, and has definitely had her fair share of tears at times when passed off to another.
In short, she has been hard to figure out sometimes. There have been MANY, MANY times in her short 7 months of life that I have said, “I just don’t know what she needs!! If I knew what she needed, I would give it to her!” I have been exasperated and frustrated–not at my sweet little daughter, but at my own lack of understanding. I so desperately want to give her what she needs.
And now, she’s in a new stage. She’ll be playing quite contently and then all of a sudden start to cry. She’ll spot me from across the room and look at me with pleading eyes through her tears as if to say, “Why have you abandoned me, Mama?! Please, please come!!!” I’ll go scoop her up, the tears instantly stop, and then…and then she pushes away from me. Seriously. She takes both her hands and pushes against me as if to get down. So, I put her down. And she begins to cry.
Tonight, days worth of this underlying frustration began to rise up in me. We were playing on the floor and she spotted her Leap Frog table. She bolted towards it with urgency, and I put her up so she was standing to play. And suddenly, she began to twist her entire body around and reach for me. I scooted closer and she grabbed onto my face with both her hands. So I picked her up, and–like clockwork–she pushed away and towards the play table. So I put her back, and she began to whine, again twisting her body around and reaching for me. I picked her up and put her on my lap, thinking she must just want the best of both worlds–to be in Mama’s arms and also be playing with her toy. But no, she twisted and squirmed, reaching for my face again. So I picked her up. Maybe she wants to cuddle? Nope. Instantly she began to push away.
“Sweet girl, what do you want????” I asked her, feeling the tension rising up in me.
I am so quick to give up, to push away, when I don’t understand. When I feel rejected. When I am hurt. When I don’t know what to do, I flee. Far too many Mother/daughter relationships and friendships are brought to destruction because of this pattern. One feels hurt, one seems to be distancing herself, the other doesn’t know what she did to hurt the first, so they both push away…and away…and away…until they are too far out of reach. It is so sad…how chasms as big as the Grand Canyon are formed through misunderstanding that leads to insecurity that leads to distance.
And I refuse to do that with my daughter. I know it sounds crazy. Yes, I know she is just 7 months old. Quit making a mountain out of a molehill, Susanne, you might be thinking. But, you see, I know the biggest of Oaks, formed over hundreds of years, started with a tiny seedling. And I want the seedling of my relationship with my daughter to grow up healthy, tall and strong. A tiny tree that starts to grow crooked because of an obstruction may not seem like a big deal when it’s only inches tall. But once that tree is full grown, it will be very apparent that it didn’t grow straight. The bigger it gets, the more the imperfection will be made very, very clear.
So I never want my heart towards Selah to be, “You are too complicated! I give up!! Just play by yourself and cry about it if you must!” Never, ever, ever. Even when she is “just” 7 months old. I am sure that Selah will be like me in some ways, and I am certain she will be very different than me in others. And I do not want to push away in exasperation because she puzzles me at times. I long to know her. To truly, truly know her heart. To understand how her mind works. Please, Lord, let not my frustration or my frustrated efforts lead me to push away from my daughter. Let not my insecurity that tells me I’m a bad mom if I don’t know what she needs, push me away from my daughter. Let not my fear that she will push me away, push me away from my daughter. I long to understand, not to reject. I long to know, not to run.
I read in a book once that a woman’s central fear is that she is too much, too complicated. Do we not all cry out to be known? To not be given up on? Oh, and how hurt we are when others choose to turn away from the journey of knowing our hearts because we are “just too much!” We see a woman sleeping around with men and are critical, instead of learning that she never had a dad to tell her of her worth. We see a woman who flaunts her body with short skirts and low shirts and we judge, instead of realizing that she never had a mother to teach her dignity. We see a woman who settles…oh, how she settles…instead of understanding that she has never tasted of her Father’s love; a love that died so that she could taste abundance. We push away because we do not know. We see the behavior, and we refuse to understand the heart. So we turn and run.
What destruction is brought upon women because we act this way. I will not tell my daughter she is too complicated, too sensitive, too fickle. I will not turn away when I don’t understand her. I will not settle for not truly knowing her heart.
Instead, I will find her. I will discover what makes her heart beat and I will fan that beat into flame. I will help teach her what to do with her emotions, instead of running when her emotions hurt my feelings. I will patiently bear with her in love when she knows not what she does because she is learning how to handle all of her own intricacies.
And lastly, I will celebrate her. I will celebrate how God made her–complicated and perfect. I will celebrate my Selah, whose intricate, beautiful heart within longs to be known and loved.
*This post is part of a series on Victorious Parenting. Click on the label to the right to read all posts in this series.*
Motherhood.
What is the first thing that comes to mind when you read that word? Go ahead, think about it.
I hope that, for you, thoughts of your beautiful children fill your mind when you hear that word. I hope that you think about the way your little boy nuzzled his head into your neck before saying, “Good night.” I hope you’ll think about the way your daughter lit up the moment she saw your face. I hope you’ll think of the 12 piles of laundry, the UNBELIEVABLE amount of dishes piled in the sink, and the toilet that hasn’t been scrubbed in 2 (3? 4??) weeks, and I hope that you are filled with joy, remembering the trip to the park that stained your son’s jeans and the nourishing meal that you prepared for your family that forced you to dirty 6 pans and an unfathomable amount of dishes. I hope, when you hear the word “motherhood,” you are filled with joy and peace, as you think about the reality of what that word means.
Sometimes, I am grieved at the way motherhood is portrayed. Or, more specifically, at the way children are portrayed. And aren’t the two, in their very nature and design, inseparably intertwined? Unfortunately, many of the things I read these days surrounding motherhood and children are so negative. Why is being a mom—especially a mom of a toddler—so often spoken of in the most exasperating, stressful, impossible light? I don’t understand this. As believers, we should be living victoriously. Not perfectly, but victoriously. There’s a huge difference—victorious moms have eyes to see their children, not a stubbornness to throw their hands up in the air and say, “Kids will be kids! I give up!” It grieves me to see this latter attitude, especially in Christian circles. Why is it that we can have faith for the impossible in every other arena of our lives, but cannot have faith that our God will give us victory in our homes? Our God is victorious, in every arena of our lives. There is no obstacle too great for Him to reach, including the “out-of-control, exasperating, stressful, impossible toddler,” of whom many speak. And it grieves me when people focus on that, on what is seen, versus on what a very mighty God we have and how he can teach a woman who fears the Lord just exactly how to raise her children in an atmosphere of peace and joy in her home. This is faith for our children.
I believe that every word written in the bible is true. Not just partially true or periodically true or perhaps true in certain circumstances…No, I believe the bible is the inerrant word of the living God and thus, it is true. Completely, at all times, in all circumstances…always, profoundly true.
As a person destined for death before Christ intervened, this is good news. As a woman created to have great impact on this earth, this is great news. As a wife who longs to love her husband in a way that presses him into the fullness of life, this is awesome news.
And as a mom, who is on her knees before the Lord, desperate to raise her children in the fear of the Lord, this is the best possible news. EV-ER.
Because listen to what God says about raising my children:
“Train them in the way they should go, and they will not depart from it,” Proverbs 22:6.
Wait, God, you’re telling me that if I do my job with intentionality and excellence, that they will walk in your ways?? It’s that simple? Why yes, sign me up, Lord!!
Yes, I realize this is a bold statement. Yes, I realize that many won’t hear me because my only children are both under the age of 2. Yes, I fully realize that some will take my premise as prideful and arrogant. Yes, I realize that many will tell me that the above bible verse is only true sometimes and that I cannot count on it for my children.Yes, I realize that some will tell me I am foolish, and I cannot expect my children to bear good fruit. Yes, I realize some will try to convince me that the way my children turn out is a crap shoot. And that’s okay, because I am not writing for them. I am writing for me, and for the other moms out there who have faith in His word over their children. Because for me, my premise is absolutely not one of judgment or criticism—oh, no. My premise is one of HOPE. My premise is one of FAITH. And I will hope in my God until the day I die. I will have faith that my children will walk in the ways I have trained them and love the Lord with all of their hearts. If the Scriptures are true, then my God has promised me that if I fear him, the fruit will manifest in my children. And this, my friends, is extraordinarily good news.
Women of faith, join me by walking out this good news as we fulfill the greatest role imaginable—raising our children to love the Lord our God with all of their hearts, minds, souls and strength! Because as we do, it will manifest as peace and joy in our children, in us, and in our homes! And this is how we walk victoriously as mothers!!
Thoughts on life and love, now that pink has invaded my world…
Selah. I have a daughter and her name is Selah. She is real, a fact that I have to remind myself of every time I pick her up and see her bright blue eyes twinkling back at me behind those mile-long lashes. She is real, she is healthy, and she is mine. She is the most perfect, beautiful, delightful bundle of pink joy that ever existed. I get to hold her, change her, feed her, swaddle her, re-swaddle her, bathe her, sing to her, and put her in bows…I get to see each of her milestones first hand and ooh and ahh at each one. I get to be the recipient of her contagious smiles that wiggle through her entire body, beginning with her toes and exploding through her mouth. I get to tell her how proud I am of her throughout every day and tell her how much I love her and tell her how much she fills my life with joy. I get to kiss her chubby cheeks over and over and over again until she giggles and squeals with delight…
Pink explosion
Elliott. I say to him daily, “You simply make my heart swell with joy.” I don’t know how else to describe it…I love learning more every day about what makes Elliott Elliott. I love watching him approach a problem and seeing the solution he comes up with to fix it. I love telling him how creative he is when he thinks of a new way to build a lego tower or play with his toys. I love how, 8 months later, he is still pointing to the one toy bin that’s missing a label and reminding me that it’s an, “Uh-oh!!” I love that he loves to drink water and ensures that everyone around him drinks theirs, too. I love that he picks out the letter, “E” everywhere, and points at it like he’s found gold, saying, “A-ee-et!!!” (That is, to say, “Elliott!”) I am just so proud of him. I am so proud of his heart. I am so proud of every time he obeys and my heart is so expectant in those times that he doesn’t. Because he always comes around. He always ends up with a soft heart that delights in helping our family be the best it can be. He delights in serving. He delights in having a purpose in our family. He thrives when we beam with pride over him. And I just couldn’t possibly be more proud of him. Of who he is and who he is becoming. Of how he has allowed his will to be bent and shaped by his parents’ careful, thoughtful instruction and, ultimately, by God’s hand.
All boy.
Selah and Elliott are different. I knew they would be. (Yes, yes…I know…a biology textbook could have clued me in to that insight…) But when you are head-over-heels in love with your firstborn, it’s difficult to imagine how your heart could possibly expand to fit any more love in there. And with your first, everything is new…you just sit back and watch this little miracle GROW…and it’s just that–a miracle. You can’t believe that your baby will just intrinsically know how to grow… “How will he know how to roll over? Do I need to teach him that? Will he ever learn to sit up? Is it normal to see his heart beating through that hole in the top of his head? Will that thing ever close up??? Ooh! I see a tooth coming in! Wait, is it coming into the right spot? Shouldn’t he be crawling by now? What if he never crawls??” How can I even describe the shock and awe that took place each time Elliott hit a new benchmark…it’s just miraculous…As a new mom, you get to watch these miracles occur before your very eyes… And it’s true–miracles never get old. There is still such an abundance of joy and such an excitement with each new milestone Selah reaches… “She smiled at me! Again!! She giggled today! She rolled over!!! She moved her left little pinkie toe three times while she was clasping her hands and I just KNOW she’s trying to tell me she loves me!!” But nonetheless, it’s different. You don’t want to compare your children, but how can you not? The first is all you know.
It’s like this. It’s like you’ve been eating homemade, fresh-baked strawberry shortcake all your life. Your mouth waters as the dessert hour approaches and you think about licking the remnants of the batter out of the bowl before popping the drops of sugary dough into the oven. After 12 minutes (or less, if you can sneak it out of the oven early before your husband notices) of fired glory, you carefully pull the lightly-dusted-with-golden-brown cakes out of the oven and quickly smother yours with fresh, sweet, sliced, bright red strawberries. You load on the whipped cream and spoon the very first bite in your mouth–a perfect blend of warm, gooey shortcake, decadent berries and rich cream…Mmm, strawberry shortcake. But then one day you are invited to try a different dessert, a new one. You are so satisfied with the first that it’s difficult to even think about another. But can you ever have enough dessert? So you are introduced to, say, the Signature White Chocolate Mousse Cake from Salty’s. Its plain white appearance is quite unassuming but as you fork the first bite into your mouth, you know your life has been changed forever. Like snowflakes effortlessly melting into the pores of your fingerprints, so the white chocolate saturates your tongue with flavor and then seeps into every fiber of your being. You are hooked, and have barely begun to swallow before you’re going in for bite number two. Throw a cup of decaf on the side and you will never be the same again.
But you cannot help but compare it to the shortcake…clearly not because you love it less than the shortcake, but because strawberry shortcake is all you’ve known up until now. If you had to choose between them, you couldn’t. Your choice would simply–but obviously–be, “Both.” You love them both but you love them differently. Because they are different.
Selah was just a few days old when these thoughts fumbled their way out of my mouth, as I wrestled with this new taste of love. I said to Brian: “It’s just that I love Elliott so much and I love Selah so much, too…but my love for Selah feels different.” And I couldn’t help but wonder if that “different” meant “less.”
“That’s okay, because she is different,” he calmly assured me.
And so I am learning that it is. That “different” doesn’t mean “less.” It means different. They have very different habits and they have reached (and will reach) different milestones at different times and they have very different stories already. And that last “different” has been especially hard for me.
A dear friend said to me before Selah was born, “Elliott has been your world…it’s going to be difficult to add another and realize you can’t give her as much time as you’ve given him.” I knew it would be. And it is.
Time…attention…those are my love languages. I’ve said to Brian so many times, “We don’t just sit around and stare at her for hours on end like we did with Elliott…is she lacking?? We haven’t been able to give her nearly as much attention as we did with him…”
“And Elliott didn’t have a big brother to give him kisses on his head 400 times a day…” Brian reminds me.
Enough said. It’s about so much more than being bathed in toddler smooches and drool; it’s about being lathered with big brother love…a love that can be so unique, so strong, so inspiring, so life-changing. I know of this love first-hand.
Can you see the strand of drool on her head? That’s from Elliott, who sneezed on her as he was giving her a kiss just before he took her hand… it is one of the details of this picture that makes me ADORE this moment…
Yes, she is being loved differently in these early months. I may not have the time to spend countless hours studying every curve of her face with a camera in my hands, snapping hundreds of pictures (a day). Selah is often strapped in the Ergo “coming along for the ride.” But you’d better believe that when I look down and see her staring up at me, I stop what I’m doing, catch my breath, and soak in her beauty and delight. We may be “on the go” more often than we were with E-man, but that doesn’t mean that I’m missing anything, or that she is lacking anything… In fact, it’s the contrary: she’s the best loved baby in the world as she watches balls fly past her face, listens to trains choo choo next to her ear, and is often the subject of Elliott’s art projects.
Nothing says, “loved” like being stickered by your big brother!
Selah has two parents who are completely enamored with her, but she also has a brother who adores her with every fiber of his being…who kisses (read: slobbers on) her over and over and over again, who asks about her as soon as he wakes up, who wants her to sit next to him every time we get in the car, who longs to share his toys with her all day long, who giggles with pride and delight when she rolls over, who melts when she smiles back at him and grabs his finger…Oh, she is so, so, so adored by her big brother. A love that is different, even, from the love of her parents. She has this incredible big brother who includes her, who invites her, who asks about her and wants the very, very best for her.
Just look at how he adores her…this is how he looks at her ALL THE TIME…
Oh, yes, she is certainly loved. And she is certainly lacking nothing.
Oh, yes, my love for her is surely different, yet as perfectly strong and profound as my love for her big brother.
Love is about giving. Love is not just about giving things, but about giving your very self. Any mother could testify that this is the most difficult, yet the most rewarding, part of being a mama. We love so much, that we give…
We give our body over for almost 2 years so our babes can grow into healthy, strong, thriving toddlers. We give our uteruses for those first 9 months for the sake of creating a safe haven for our little peanuts to grow within us and then we become a milk machine for the next 12 + months. We are the means by which they get nourishment for 9 months and once they are born, we are the means by which they are sustained. During pregnancy, we give up the space for our bladder to spread out, thus giving up the right to only pee a few times a day; instead we are slaves to the bathroom at all hours of the day and night. We give up our right to choose any food in the world that we want to eat, and instead we eat what the baby wants, trying hard to choose foods that keep the baby healthy. We give up our favorite jeans and replace them for elastic waists and belly bands. We give up our heels and (have someone else) lace up our tennies. For me, I give up the comfort of food going down my throat once and staying there. For me, I give up consecutive, deep sleep, only able to get 2 or 3 hours of light sleep in at a time because my body wakes me up to eat (or pee!). For me, I give up the right to use my favorite toothpaste because I have to use the baking soda kind to dilute the acid coating my teeth. For me, I give up the right of ever being more than a few feet away from a toilet, a trash can, or a vomit bag. For me, pregnancy is about loving so much that I give… And then my perfect, precious infant arrives in a bundle and, thankfully for me, the joy of giving during infancy far surpasses the joy of giving during pregnancy. As mothers, we give so much to our little darlings, especially in those first few days and months. We give at times that no one else will ever see or know. We give in ways that no one else will understand. We stumble out of bed to the tiny newborn cries and we can’t help but give a huge smile as our eyeballs peek out of the slits of our eyelids and see…see the perfect miracle looking back at us. Who is alive todaybecause we gave. We give a little laugh (because what else can you do??) when our newborns spray poop all over EV.ER.Y.THING. at 2 in the morning. We give an extra kiss and an extra squeeze when we are overwhelmed with gratitude at our little loves. We give a little whisper in their ears, because we cannot help but repeat over and over and over again how much we love them, how much we cherish them, how much we adore them. We give our very selves, all day and all night long, so that our littles will grow up, bathed in love. We give our very selves, all day and all night long, so that our dear ones will be fed, and swaddled and rocked with love. We give our very selves, all day and all night long, so that our children will know, without a shadow of a doubt, that we love them so much that we give…we give our very selves that they might live, and live abundantly.
On this Valentine’s Day, I couldn’t be more grateful for the honor it is and has been to givefor my little ones. To be the one who gets to give so that they live. To be the one who gets to sacrifice so that they thrive. What an honor. What a joy. What a gift from God!!!!!
My little ValentineMy other little Valentine!
To all the mamas out there who spend each day sacrificially loving your own children, and to all the mamas out there who spend each day sacrificially loving children like they are your own, happy Valentine’s day! The way you have poured out your very life to love these children is reaping an eternal impact that no one can ever take away. Take heart, the seeds of love you are planting are blossoming into beautiful fruit. Take heart, He sees you as you selflessly give.
It’s the little things about Elliott that take my breath away…it’s the little things that I love.
That’s such a cliche term, I almost hate to write it. But that’s all I could think about all day long…Those few words, running through my head all day. It’s the little things about Elliott that I simply adore.
I mean, it’s not like I thought that I wouldn’t be proud of my son until he graduates from high school or attends Oxford or holds a doctorate or…I’ve never consciously had the thought, “I’ll be proud of him when…” But today I am just struck anew at how proud I am of my son, every moment of the day. I find myself saying that to him over and over and over again: “I am so proud of you, my son!!”
Elliott has been kind of obsessed with diapers for a little while now. And, I’m pretty sure the fetish is my fault. You see, it all started because Brian and I could never decide whether or not we should get a diaper genie when Elliott was born, and so now instead of throwing away his diapers in his room, we just throw them away in the downstairs garbage which keeps the smell in just fine until we change it, which is somewhat frequently. Anyway, so because there’s no trash can next to his changing table, I throw the diaper out the door and usually kick it downstairs with my foot. Ridiculous, I know. But when you’re pregnant and carrying a toddler, you’ll do anything to minimize the amount of times you bend over in a day :). But all that to say, Elliott loved watching me kick it downstairs, and soon became obsessed with diapers. (Hmm, now that I think of that, maybe that’s why he’s so in to kicking soccer balls!)
Anyway, the revelation finally hit me last week with a solution that would give Elliott the joy of fondling his dirty diapers and me the luxury of not bending over again: I can teach him to throw his own diapers away!! So the training began and within two diaper changes I had my man :). He happily picks up his diaper, toddles over to the trash can, and on the count of three, he throws it in. And of course, praise and applauds in copious amounts always follow. Because I am so proud of my son.
He was so overcome with the concept of throwing his diaper away the other day that he, in all of his excitement, threw away one of his toys shortly after tossing his diaper. So I quickly pulled it out of the trash and explained to him that we were done throwing things away; that there are some things that are trash that we throw away, and other things that are not trash that don’t go in the trash can. You literally could see the light bulb go on above his head: he quickly looked to the left, then to the right, saw a piece of leftover food on the ground, ran over and picked it up, headed back over to the trash can, and threw it away.
And my heart simply rejoiced over him, overflowing in abundance and pride. I am so proud of my son.
Today I needed to change Elliott’s diaper. I was sitting in the play room on the floor with him and I said, “Come here please, Elliott. I need to change your diaper.” He walked away from me at first, but only to grab a toy and come right back to me. And then he laid down in front of me all on his own. I was so overwhelmed at his simple, yet profound, act of obedience that I almost picked him back up, smothered him with kisses and told him to go play because I was so proud of him. But instead, I exhorted and praised him as I wiped the fresh poop off his bottom, more charmed with him than ever before. (And then, of course, he threw away his diaper…) I am so proud of my son.
This afternoon we went for a walk outside and Elliott was thrilled to have a few close encounters with his favorite animal: the “BBBUUUURRRR!!!!” (Bird) When I asked him if he wanted to talk to the birds, he quickly responded with, “teet, teet, teet!” I am so proud of my son.
Every day when I think Elliott is ready for a nap, I ask him, “Elliott, are you ready for a rest?” And every day, no matter what he’s doing, he drops everything and walks toward the stairs. He crawls up the stairs, heads to his room, patiently sucks his thumb while I change his diaper, lays his head down on my shoulder for a (very quick) snuggle, and then dives for his crib. Every day. I am so proud of my son.
But you know the underlying reason why I’m so proud of my son? Because he was created to be a learner, and he is taking joy in learning every day. And that’s why I’m proud. Not because of what he does, but because of who he is. Because he’s walking in the fullness right now. And that’s my goal as a mom: to always create an environment where my son–my children!–can become the fullness of who God created them to be. And right now, God is showing me how much Elliott LOVES to LEARN. So I am focused on creating a home where he can.
And in the meantime, he takes my breath away. With these “little things.” Every little word he so passionately speaks. Every little step he so awkwardly toddles. Every little kiss he plants on my lips, open-mouthed. Every little laugh that bubbles out so hard it takes over his whole body. Every little thing.
Happy 14 month birthday (yesterday), my little learner!!
Elliott is COMPLETELY obsessed with balls, and so we were so excited to bring him to his very first Easter egg hunt that they held at the base. Eggs are just like balls, right? Only squished in the middle? Like a ball with a belt on…that’s what I told Elliott.
They let the “little” kids get a head start so the big kids wouldn’t run them over. Great idea, except that the head start was about 30 seconds, which is clearly problematic when toddlers “toddle” and big kids, well, SPRINT. So we found an open, low-traffic area with just one or two Easter eggs, figuring the big kids would go elsewhere. We found an easily-spottable Easter egg beneath a table and figured that would be a perfect way for Elliott to start.
We pointed out the magenta “ball with a belt” to Elliott as I explained to him that he could go get it and put it in his little easter basket! He walked over with me, smiling at the kids who were zipping by him as they hunted for Easter eggs themselves. We had almost reached the funny-shaped magenta “ball” when suddenly, out of nowhere, this little girl wiggled in around me and snatched the Easter egg Elliott was going for! I was SHOCKED. And APPALLED. How could she do that?! Doesn’t she know that this is Elliott’s very first Easter egg hunt, and that was the very first egg he’s ever hunted? And she stole it from him? Doesn’t she know that he’s barely 1 and he can’t understand why someone just swiped his treasure right out from under his nose?? Doesn’t she know that he’s going to be scarred for life because of this?!?!!!
No, she doesn’t, because she’s 6. And that’s not what 6 year olds think about.
And no, he’s not going to be scarred for the rest of his life. Because he didn’t even know that egg was “his.”
So, I quickly grabbed another egg, purple this time, and moved it right close to Elliott and blocked the path so no one could grab it from him. And he got it! Hunt successful!! Phew!
I grabbed another egg that had been hidden and placed it under the little table. Now Elliott had the hang of it, and he immediately started to go for the orange belted-ball in his sight. He quickly moved over to it, reached out to grab it, and–a little boy ran over to grab it before Elliott!! But this time, my mom-like reflexes were in super-heightened mode, so with a quick “hiya!” I knocked that other kid out of the race!
No, I didn’t. Because he’s 4. And that that would be horrible of me. Like, really horrible. I can see the headlines now: “Missionary mom sends 4 year old boy to the moon just to let her son play with a 5 cent Easter egg.” Yeah, that would be bad.
But I did very kindly and urgently tell him that that egg was not for him, it was for Elliott. So back off, kid!!
No, I didn’t say that last part. But I wanted to.
This is by far the hardest part about being a mom so far. I have never had the urge (okay, maybe once when I was in high school) to punch someone in the face. But there is something about hurting my little boy’s feelings or doing something that I deem potentially harmful to him, that completely takes away all of my ability to reason and think clearly. All I can see is my fist flying, and everything getting better after that.
Collecting his eggsLearning how to put the eggs in his basket…Loving these new "balls with belts"
But do you know what happened a few minutes later? Elliott’s friend Parker came over and shared all his eggs with Elliott. And my heart just melted at Parker’s kindness. Then, Hunter came along and do you know what Hunter did? Share all his eggs with Elliott. And again, my heart melted.
Parker (in the sweater vest) and Hunter (in the yellow shirt) sharing their eggs with Elliott, while he's cuddled on Jamie's lap.
Seconds later, the sweetest little girl came over and guess what she did? Share her eggs with Elliott. Elliott was suddenly surrounded by children, all sharing their eggs with him.
So in awe of these sweet children's kindness…
I let out a big sigh as I could just see God’s face looking down on me, with that knowing yet gentle smile, and saying: “Susanne, did you really think you could take care of Elliott better than I could?”
Elliott, sharing back. Look what they just taught him to do!!!
So that brings us to the other night, when we were hanging around the base after to dinner. Elliott had spotted a gold mine–not one, but two, soccer balls. He was having a blast playing with one of them…throwing it to me, kicking it, carrying it around…all the ways he “plays” soccer. When all of a sudden, two bigger boys came up and wanted to play “with” him. Unfortunately, it’s pretty difficult for a 4-year-old and a 2-year-old to know how to play well with a 1 year old. Now don’t get me wrong, these two boys are so incredibly sweet…it’s just that they’re 4 and 2, and a soccer ball is involved.
And Elliott’s world of “playing soccer” suddenly completely changed. It went from a friendly fun game that he plays with his mom and dad while laughing and squealing with delight, to an ultra-intense, fierce, competitive sport with these two older boys who had absolutely no mercy on him. No handicap advantages here! It took everything in me to not scoop up Elliott, grab the other soccer ball, and take him into a room where we could be all by ourselves and he could play fun-, squealing-, laughing-soccer to his heart’s content.
But instead, I let go. And just watched.
Watched like a hawk, mind you. Don’t get me wrong, I protected my little buddy when absolutely necessary (like when the zealous 4-year-old wound up to kick the soccer ball as hard as he could while it happened to be inches from Elliott’s face). But mostly, I let go. Cringing on the inside the entire time, I let go. And I just let Elliott be. I watched him get bumped and knocked over. And then I watched him get back up again, even more determined. And you know what–I learned so much about my son that day. He never once cried, whined, or complained when the bigger boys snatched the ball from him and ran. When they stepped on him in their eagerness, when they jostled him so hard that he fell over. No, Elliott chased after them. With all of his might. I’ve never seen him so sweaty, so determined, so covered in red marks on his face and arms from being pushed around. I have never seen him run like that. He would literally run after the ball and then throw himself down on top of it, stand up, and run away with it again. He was determined to play hard with the big boys.
There was one time that the 4-year-old was waiting for the ball to be passed to him and he was blocking Elliott from getting to it. His arms were out and his feet were spread as he was guarded the territory. Elliott came from behind and I could see his brain ticking. He crawled over, started to go to the left of him, then to the right of him, and then he quickly darted between his legs!! Ha!! We all cheered and hoorayed at Elliott’s cleverness and determination…and you know what? He got the ball.
We got in the car to go home and I couldn’t hold my tears back one more second…they started to pour out of my eyes in rivers (darn hormones!). It was so hard to just stand there and watch him grow up. To watch him learn what it’s like to play with boys. To watch him get knocked down. But mostly, I cried because I was so proud of my son. I loved learning more about his character in those moments. I loved watching him rise to the challenge, and not shrink back. Because that’s who our Elliott Brian is: Brave, strong, and true…
I think the absolute, most difficult part of being a parent is letting go. If I had it my way, I would have Elliott in a helmet, knee pads, elbow pads, a butt pad…I would pad all of our walls and sharp corners and heck, even our marble floors! I would create a land of perfectness, where he could never be harmed, where no one could steal his Easter Eggs. He would grow up in a bubble and never be exposed to germs and never have one mean thing said to him and…
And he would never come close to being the boy, the man, that God has designed him to be. In trying to save him from injustice, I would be creating the greatest injustice of all–not letting him learn, discover, fall… (yes, I’m crying after typing the word “fall”…darn hormones!)
Elliott becomes more “boy” and less “baby” every day…and I know he’s only going to keep growing. Ahhh, and with each new passage into boyhood, it’s like a new layer of my fear is ripped off like a huge band-aid trying to protect my heart. I know I’m one of those sappy, sensitive moms. Let’s be real, I’m one of those sappy, sensitive people, no matter what the context. 🙂 But sometimes my heart aches watching him learn, when it’s one of those things that hurts a bit to learn.
But I will–Iresolve–to allow my son to grow and flourish as God has created him to run. I do not want to protect and hide him when there’s an opportunity for him to soar. The greatest truth I have ever learned about motherhood came from Mama Melisa, almost a year ago. She has one sentence that strikes me to the heart each time she has said it to me, and most recently it rocked me as she spoke about her sweet baby Stella, who had to stay for a little while in the hospital before she could come home. And she said to me, “But Sus, I just have to remember…she’s not mine. She’s the Lord’s. She always has been. And He’s got her.”
That statement profoundly impacts the way I mother every day. And there are new layers to that revelation and that conviction every day. I’m pretty sure it’s only going to get harder to “let go,” but it’s a lot easier than the alternative…
So soar, my sweet baby Elliott…soar. Allow the Lord to set wind to your sails with the passions that He births within you. Allow Him to develop you. Allow Him to shape you. And know that I won’t be far… I’ll be right here to rejoice over every victory with you, or to let you cry on my shoulder if you fall…but always, always–I’ll always be right here…
