When I shut down my facebook account over a year ago now, I made a mental note to blog more often. And well, that didn’t really happen :). My zeal for writing and recording in this virtual scrapbook here has somewhat windled down to birthdays and holidays. Most of that, quite honestly, is that I’m so tired in my spirit. It’s been an incredibly weary-ing few years in many aspects and when I look in the mirror, all I see is tired.
Virtually every night before bed, Selah asks if we can sing, “Great is Thy Faithfulness.” It is the song that I listened to on repeat in the weeks and months leading up to her birth and the song I played over and over while in labor with her. It’s the song that steadies my fears. He is faithful. Always. Every day.
…Remember my affliction and roaming, The wormwood and the gall. My soul still remembers And sinks within me. This I recall to my mind, Therefore I have hope. Through the LORD’s mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. “The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, “Therefore I hope in Him!” The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, To the soul who seeks Him. … Though He causes grief, Yet He will show compassion according to the multitude of His mercies. [Lam 3:19-25, 32]
The beginning part of the chapter is much of how I have felt these last few years, but…BUT. I recall to mind, constantly, that His mercies are new every morning. Selah reminds me daily. (Of course she does–that is what her name means!) I am so thankful for her reminder to make me stop and think about how great God is and to meditate upon his mercies. Last night I asked her to tell me what had blessed her about the day and she rattled off a list several minutes long of all the things she was thankful for. She finished, smiled, looked at me, and returned the question: “What are YOU thankful for, Mommy?” My heart is abundantly blessed by who she is.
And so…this little series is born. New Mercies Monday. Rather than devoting the start of my week to simply meal planning, grocery shopping, cleaning and laundry, I want to devote them to Selah-ing. To stopping, to pausing my to-do list, and to meditating on the new mercies that God has poured out to us in the previous week. Because, He is worthy to praised. I am so grateful throughout the week for the ways the Lord has lavished us, but sometimes, you just gotta testify! Can I get an amen?!
Monday: An afternoon in Denver with Elizabeth and her darling crew. Elizabeth, my gentle-spirited, wise, like-minded friend. So thankful she is in my life.
Popcorn and play time!
Tuesday: Sometimes I see so much of myself in my kids, and it tickles me to my core. This particular day, I saw me in my dear Selah when she asked me to tape the broken arm back onto this (ancient) Playmobile man. (Have you read the Gecko story? Well, if not…take a peek. I re-read it today and was majorly encouraged!)
All taped up and all better!
Wednesday:“A day at the zoo with Kari and Quinn is like a milkshake to your soul.” (Have you read that verse in Proverbs? It’s true.) So ridiculously blessed that we get to do life together, even if we do live 30 minutes apart.
The zoo was epic. We hugged a (fake) giraffe, fed and pet (real) giraffes, fed the birds, pet a pony, climbed a (fake) elephant, watched a (real) elephant take a bath, rode the carousel, played at the playground, watched the lion cubs frolic and wrestle…all with the wonderful company of our dear friends!
And so of course we ended the day with milkshakes!
Thursday: Lull in the week=Let’s try a new pizza place! Have you tried it? MOD pizza? I guess it started in Seattle. It was fun! And had very yummy pizza :).
Pizza Pizza!!
Friday: My parents had us over for dinner (which is always a bonus!) along with another family and I made a new friend!
Saturday: Blizzard! Family snow day.
Sunday: So encouraged by the Word of God and the parsing of Scripture with other believers at church, who challenge all of us to live according to what it says.
Want a bonus?
These are from the previous week but I just couldn’t help but add them here after sorting through the pics on my phone…
**The kids BEG to help me in the kitchen preparing meals. A couple of months ago I taught Elliott how to slice up some zucchini for dinner and Selah has been pleading with me to let her try. That day was the day. She was in heaven…just look at that face!! So thankful for children who are eager to serve and help.
I snapped this photo and then set my phone down quickly so I could helicopter her cutting!! (Yes, I just made “helicopter” a verb all right!!)
**I just adore this picture…it cracks me up!!!
A hot chocolate date with the kids!
Well there you have it! God’s new mercies on us this past week. This may take on a different form and may not be every week…who knows!
How about YOU? What mercies were new to you this past week? Will you join me in testifying??
There I was…on the bathroom floor…desperate for my son’s heart to change.
We had just had 20 minutes that made me want to clench my fists and jump up and down and throw an honest-to-goodness 2 year old tantrum. I have been praying more than ever lately for my children to have wisdom (more on that one day soon), because the amount of foolishness that has been prevalent in our home by my dear 3 year old has been…what can I say…MIND-BOGGLING.
Tonight, after pulling one of his routine foolish antics, I knelt down in front of him as he attempted to put his poops in the potty. Picture it: me, kneeling on our, ahem, “well-loved,” bathroom floor while my strained-face pooping 3 year old looked at me with red eyes. “Buddy…” I pleaded, tears in my own eyes. “Buddy…why, oh WHY, are you being so foolish?”
We’ve just been over this particular scenario 41 billion trillion quadrillion times, and sometimes–I will be honest–I resort to this…kneeling on a bathroom floor and pleading with my pooping child. I’m still not sure if that’s better or worse than throwing a tantrum. I’ve been in Proverbs a lot lately, and you just can’t read Proverbs without begging God to save you and your children from the folly of foolishness. You can’t read Proverbs without begging God to soften your heart and your children’s hearts to love wisdom and not despise it. You can’t read Proverbs without begging God to keep you and your children from returning to your/their own vomit. Isn’t it true?
We had just come from our church’s little community group, where at some point we ended up discussing how when children are asked why their parents love them, they usually respond with works-based answers, such as, “Because I’m good at art” or “Because I obey” or things of the sort. This, of course, is so opposed to the heart of the gospel, which relieves us from the burden of works-based righteousness. We are made righteous because of who Jesus is, and nothing of ourselves. I had Ephesians 2:8 (“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith, and this not from ourselves–it is a gift from God”) memorized as a child, but I did not truly understand the essence of this verse and the gospel until I was an adult. And it is still a battle each day to remember and understand and believe.
Oh, how I long for my kids to know God’s love for them.
Oh, oh, oh…oh, I long for my kids to understand that God’s love is unconditional. That we love because He first loved us. That we cannot attain His favor or love by our works, but only because of Jesus.
I wrestle with this truth and understanding in my own life, but I fight hard each day to understand it because a.) my soul needs to understand it and b.) I can’t teach them what I don’t understand.
Daily, by faith, one of the ways I try to teach them the little I do understand of His love is by showing them and telling them constantly how much I love them. Simply because they are mine. Simply because they are made in God’s image. Simply because they are eternal beings that matter. To me, and to God. Oh, how I long for my kids to understand love.
So…back to community group (or “moony toop” as Selah calls it). As soon as I heard that question being discussed, I made a mental note to talk to the kids about works-based righteousness. Though we talk about the gospel frequently, I wanted to start directly teaching them about unconditional love. Just then, Brian leaned over and whispered, “We’ve got to ask our kids that question when we get home.” We were thinking the same thing. We had never thought to ask them such a question and we really had no idea how they would answer.
Which brings us…home. Remember where we started? Me, kneeling on the bathroom floor?
I put Selah to bed with such an anxiety in my spirit over the state of my son’s foolish heart. I was talking to Selah, telling her the gospel once again and reminding her why we can forgive our friend who had hurt her that night–only because of Jesus. Only because Jesus forgave us first. Only because Jesus forgave us while we were still sinners. And all in the back of my head I’m begging the Lord to change my son’s heart to be one who loves wisdom and not folly.
I shut Selah’s door, and wanted to cry. But then I heard Brian’s voice…
“Mommy…? Will you come here for a minute? Elliott has something to tell you…”
I braced myself for the somewhat typical half-hearted apology from Elliott, and begged the Lord to give me the grace to truly forgive him and truly have hope for his soul. But instead…I got this:
“My son, tell Mommy why Daddy and Mommy love you.”
Elliott responded with a big smile on his face, “Because Jesus said, ‘Love one another.’ John 15:12.”
I was a little confused…I figured Brian must have done a little lesson on the question we had wanted to ask him, in light of his disobedience. I thought it was sort of an odd way to teach Elliott the “answer” to that question, but I was just trying to go with it…until Brian relayed the whole story to me, with our sweet Elliott in his arms.
“I asked Elliott why Mommy and Daddy love him, and he told me, ‘Because God tells us to.’ I asked if he could think of anything else…any other reasons why we love him. And he responded by saying, ‘Jesus said, ‘Love one another.’ John 15:12′.”
Mind boggled to mind BLOWN.
I broke down into a puddle of tears. I think Elliott’s starting to recognize my “good crying” (ha!) because he just beamed ear-to-ear with pride as my lip quivered and the tears flowed down my face.
Our 3 year old son responded to the question of why we love him with a Scripture. With a Scripture about the fact that our love comes from God. And, for full disclosure here: I haven’t taught him that Scripture. It was a verse he memorized at preschool.
Oh, there is still, obviously, so much to learn and so much to teach. But the fact that our son has grasped the idea that we love him because of God is the nugget of grace and hope I needed tonight.
Fellow mamas, let’s teach the Word diligently and faithfully in our homes, pray like crazy as we do, and trust that God will plant the truths in our children’s souls.
Lord, I’m praying for my friends tonight, and I’m praying especially for all the mommies out there who, like me, struggle to understand that your love is unconditional. Teach us, Lord. Show us, Lord. Help us understand the gospel and give us the grace and perseverance to teach our children the gospel. Lord, help us understand your love so that we can love our kids unconditionally. Lord, strengthen our weary souls, as we love and pour out and teach and train tirelessly and endlessly…and teach us how to do it in your strength. Teach us how to pray. Amen.
I’ll never forget the moment that, after weeks of battling the same problem with Elliott, I had a massive revelation.
“The Scripture doesn’t say that my parenting techniques will not come back void…it says, ‘The WORD will not come back void.’” (Isaiah 55:11)
I don’t know how I got two years into the whole parenting thing without ever having that thought occur to me, but it was profound for me, and surely an act of mercy from the Lord.
Elliott had (for the most part) been an incredibly kind and loving big brother towards Selah her entire 7 months of existence. But somehow, right around after he turned 2, he began experimenting with some behaviors towards her; as in, “What will happen if I kick her in the head as hard possible?”
Clearly, clearly…NOT OKAY.
She had JUST started pulling up onto furniture, and she loved being close by Elliott. So many times when he was sitting in his chair eating a meal or a snack, she would crawl over, pull herself up onto the chair, and he would kick her little head until she fell over.
We were at a loss. We had tried everything, and he wasn’t changing. If you know me, you know I have quite a bit of patience towards my kids regarding character development issues…I just recognize that many, many things will probably take YEARS for them to have true heart-change in. But, BUT…this particular issue needed to change IMMEDIATELY.
But, I’m not going to talk about exactly how he changed, because my point is something far more important: that THE WORD OF GOD WILL NOT COME BACK VOID.
Another “incident” had just occurred and I remember kneeling on the ground, holding Elliott gently by his shoulders and pleading with him to stop, using words like “being nice” and “that’s not nice” and etc., etc. I had just taught the Kids Church lesson a few hours earlier to Elliott and all of his little buddies and it was about the good Samaritan. I suddenly paused and that’s when the revelation hit me: Why am I using such “powerless” words, when I could be speaking the very words of Life, that are promised to return in power.
EVERYTHING changed about my speech that day. No longer do I tell Elliott to do things “because I said so” or “because it’s the ‘right’ thing to do”…but I am teaching him to act according to God’s Word. It is THE ONLY thing that will not return void.
This is our heart for our children:
9 For this reason we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding; 10 that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing [Him], being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; 11 strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, for all patience and longsuffering with joy; 12 giving thanks to the Father who has qualified us to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in the light. 13 He has delivered us from the power of darkness and conveyed [us] into the kingdom of the Son of His love, 14 in whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins. 15 He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. 16 For by Him all things were created that are in heaven and that are on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers. All things were created through Him and for Him. 17 And He is before all things, and in Him all things consist. 18 And He is the head of the body, the church, who is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in all things He may have the preeminence. 19 For it pleased [the Father that] in Him all the fullness should dwell, 20 and by Him to reconcile all things to Himself, by Him, whether things on earth or things in heaven, having made peace through the blood of His cross. … 27 To them God willed to make known what are the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles: which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. 28 Him we preach, warning every man and teaching every man in all wisdom, that we may present every man perfect in Christ Jesus. 29 To this [end] I also labor, striving according to His working which works in me mightily. [Col 1:9-20, 27-29 NKJV]
Yes, we MUST teach our children that ALL things were created through Him and for Him. And He is before all things, and in Him all things consist. Our children must form their worldviews around this Truth. And so they MUST know the Scriptures, and how THE SCRIPTURES should shape their thinking and their actions. This is a great endeavor, obviously, that will take a lifetime to begin to teach, but I am amazed at how much it has pressed ME to know the Word more, because I need to have a specific answer on my tongue! I need to be able to teach them what God says about the generous person when they are confronted with sharing issues. I need to be able to recite by memory what God says will happen when they obey their parents when we have a moment (or a hundred) of defiance in a day. I need to be able to tell them what Jesus said about love when they are not treating each other lovingly. I must know what He says, so they will know what He says. There was a season where I taught the kids a Proverb a day and it was so helpful for ME. I read one chapter a day, picked one verse from that chapter, wrote it up on the white board in our playroom, and taught it to them first thing in the morning. It’s amazing how many Proverbs are the solution to almost every conflict between the kids :).
I was struck by the simplicity of Romans 12 as a concise “handbook” for (some of) the ways of the Lord a few months ago, and decided I wanted to memorize a chunk of the chapter with the kids over the Summer. My goal was 13 verses, and we got through 6, which I was very pleased with :). We started out with Psalm 128:1 (“Blessed are those who fear the Lord, who walk in His ways.”), and I prefaced the whole series by talking about how we must understand that God says we will be blessed when we walk in His ways, and it is of utmost importance that we regard Him with utter holiness, with complete resolve that He is THE WAY. Then we went on to learn about what some of those “ways” are by memorizing Romans 12: 9-13.
9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality. [Rom 12:9-13 NIV]
It was SO HELPFUL in my daily parenting, because not only did I have specific (powerful!) language (that won’t return void!!!!) to use with the kids during conflicts and disrespect, but because it helped form my prayers. Many times throughout the day, my prayer is, “Oh, dear, Lord. Have mercy.” (Anyone else have prayers like that during the day??) But when I am focusing on a specific Scripture a day or a week, my prayers are filled with more vision and more faith. “Oh, Lord…please turn Elliott’s heart to TRULY honor his sister above himself.”
Since we’ve entered the “3s,” whining has been one of our biggest battles. I will admit, when I am SO worn out from the constant whining, I usually just look at Elliott with pleading eyes and beg, “You’re killing me. You’ve GOT to stop whining!!” Hmm, as you can imagine, not the most effective or mature parenting technique :). So I was SUPER excited when we hit the verse that tells us we are never to be lacking in zeal. Finally, I had biblical language to tackle this whining monster. I did lots of role plays with him and we acted out what it looks like to be lacking in zeal and what it looks like to keep our spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Oh, my, did it help, thanks to the grace of God!!! The monster FOR SURE still rears its ugly head daily, but Elliott’s taken a lot of ground.
So, my mama friends–I wanted to share the Scripture verse cards that I made in case you’d like to use them! (Why reinvent the wheel?!) We worked on one verse a week, and usually by the end of the day or at least by day 2, Elliott had each one memorized. Selah (at almost 2) runs around singing, “Walk in His ways!!” which I LOVE. Yes, my dear, that’s exactly right…let’s be devoted to walking in His ways.
Click on the picture below to download all 6 verse cards!
Verse Cards
Want to do this with your kids but not a “natural” teacher?
YOU CAN DO THIS!!! I promise!!! Here are 6 simple tips for you:
1. Read the Word and allow the Lord to STIR YOU!
If you are excited, they will be excited, too. If you know me, you know this comes awfully naturally to me–you KNOW that if something has changed my life, I will tell you about it so it can change yours, too!! 🙂 More often than not, I have taught my kids a new verse just because I was reading the Word and was so stirred I couldn’t help but share it with them. Even if we don’t do an entire “lesson” on the verse and memorize it, I trust that it’s being deposited in their hearts. When this happens, I call them over and say, “Kids! Come listen to this!!!! Listen to what God promises us!!!” So, this may go without saying, but when God has stirred YOUR heart with His Word, that is the first step for your childrens’ hearts to be stirred as well. When they see YOU moved by His word, it shows them practically what a changed heart really looks like.
2. Call your kids over to come sit down and learn the Word of God!
If you have carpet squares or one piece of paper for each child or a chair for each child or SOMETHING the kids can sit on so they know their job is to sit and listen, that is VERY helpful.
3. Songs, Visuals, examples and role-plays are helpful!
I always try to have my bible with me so they can really SEE that everything I’m teaching them comes straight from the Word of God. (I remember getting to college and re-reading the bible with new eyes, and being SHOCKED at how much Scripture I knew from songs, liturgy, etc, that I hadn’t realized was SCRIPTURE! Isn’t that crazy?! But it held a WEIGHTINESS to it once I found out it was THE LIVING WORD OF GOD versus just some lyrics to a song that a writer scribbled on a piece of paper. It is SO important to me that my kids understand that the things I say and the rules I give them come from GOD, not just my own good ideas.) Even when I have a verse card printed out, I read the verse out of my bible first. Then, I show them the verse card and talk through each word/phrase with them, pointing out how the pictures show the meaning of the words. We then hang it up where they can see it.
Our six verses, all in a row.
My kids are YOUNG (almost 2 and 3) so I need to use lots of visual and acting to help them understand the meaning of each verse. Obviously, the older your kids are, the less visuals and acting you will need, but these things are still VERY useful for teaching ALL kids how to really APPLY Scripture to their daily lives.
Here’s an example:
Verse: Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.
What I said: Okay, kids, listen to what God says: “Love must be SINCERE.” Can you say “sincere?” Sincere means really, really, really MEANING what you do. So if you ask me to play with the toy I’m playing with and I say, “Fine! Take it!! Hmmph!!!” and throw the toy at you, I did the “right” thing, but I wasn’t loving you like God defines love. My love wasn’t sincere. Now if you ask me to play with a toy I’m playing with, and my heart really DOES want you to have the joy of playing with it, too, then my heart sincerely wants to love you. In that case, I could say, “Oh! You want to play with it, too?! Sure!!” That means my love was sincere, and that means I am walking in God’s ways.
Since my kids are so little, I keep the “lesson” to less than 5 minutes long. I had to break the initial teaching of this verse up into two days since the idea of “sincere love” was complex enough to fill 5 minutes. The next day we talked a lot about what evil is, and what it means to run away from it (lots of funny role plays!!) and what it means to CLING to something that is good.
SING!!!! How much easier is it to remember something when it’s put to music??!! I hope you know about Seeds Family Worship…they are AWESOME. They sing Scriptures! We have listened to “The Good Song” probably hundreds of times: “Blessed are those who fear the Lord, who walk in His ways!” The kids and I often worship together, singing at the top of our lungs, dancing around our living room, sometimes with instruments in hands. I love worshiping the Lord with my kids!!!
4. Teach it on day 1 (and sometimes day 2) and then use the language of the Scripture as often as you can throughout the week (and forever!).
I only had the kids “sit” for a “lesson” on the days that I initially introduced the verse and its meaning, which took 1-2 days. Then, the “teaching” of it was much more “organic” throughout the week in that I would point out how that Scripture occurred throughout our day. Anytime the kids do something according to the Scripture I am sure to point it out to them. “Oh, Elliott! The way you just shared that toy with Selah was truly sincere love! Thank you for loving her so sincerely! That blesses God and it blesses me!! How does your heart feel when you see how blessed Selah is?! Isn’t it awesome to walk in God’s ways??!!”
Or, if they were having a hard time, I would use the same biblical language with them. The MOST often used one this Summer has been: “Oh, buddy…are you devoted to Selah in love right now? Are you making sure that you are honoring her above yourself?”
It’s SO HELPFUL for them to see how the Word is in all things and before all things…they need to understand how Scripture is RELEVANT to their daily lives and actions, and they need to SEE how to apply it. Like I said earlier, this will take a lifetime, so we’d best start early!! 🙂
We would say our verses together every time we were driving or sometimes when we were sitting and playing and we would always tell Daddy when he got home from work what our verse of the week was. This is actually Elliott’s favorite verse and I catch him ALL the time saying, “Hate what is evil, cling to what is good.” YES!!
5. Always, in everything, teach them about Christ
There is no sense in teaching any of these things without also teaching the Gospel. Our children must understand that it is only by the grace of God that we can escape sin, thanks to Jesus Christ. We have worked hard on this with Elliott. I’ll never forget one day that I looked at him and said, “Elliott, you are the only one who can choose to obey. You’ve got to do this. You’ve got to choose to obey!” And before I had barely finished talking, he interrupted me and said, “NO!! Jesus and GOD help me obey!!” I remember taking a deep breath, realizing that my frustration had gotten the better of me, and told him, “Buddy, you are right. Let’s pray together. We BOTH need the Lord’s help to obey Him.”
6. PRAY, never-ceasingly
The moment I knew I had to start training, teaching, and disciplining Elliott (long before he was 1), I have been faithfully praying for HIS HEART to turn towards obedience to God. The LAST THING IN THE WORLD we want are children who “do what the bible says” but do not really LOVE God. Scripture is so clear: When we love God, we obey His commands. Children are so tricky because we must teach them to obey (“…train your child in the way he should go…”) long before they have a sincere love for God. But I am faithful to pray for their hearts to turn EVERY time I teach, train or discipline. Because it’s not ME that’s going to turn their hearts to love the Lord; it’s the Holy Spirit. So, I would exhort you: Never teach without praying. Always pray as you teach.
Remember the verse from above: For this reason we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding; 10 that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing [Him], being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God…
KEEP ON KEEPING ON, MAMAS!!!! May the Lord fill you with STRENGTH!!! And FAITH!!!! May YOU, by the grace of God, never be lacking in zeal but keep your spiritual fervor as you serve your children and in doing so, are serving the Lord!!!!!
The first week that life returned to “normal” after we lost the baby, I was a total and complete disaster (to put it bluntly!). It was SO HARD to go back to “normal,” when nothing was normal! Everything was different. I buried my face in the Word and tried to fill every moment I could with my family and my friends. It was just so hard to have nothing “exciting” on the schedule to look forward to. Everyone says, “Don’t busy yourself…you need to grieve,” but it didn’t work like that for me. I had PLENTY of time to grieve, I was filling all my spare moments with Truth, and then I JUST NEEDED TO BE WITH PEOPLE WHO FILLED ME UP.
And let me just tell you, THE LORD WAS GOOD TO ME.
APRIL
It all started one day when I was in the middle of a fairly good breakdown, sobbing at our kitchen table. Our kids were playing in the other room and Brian found me there…tears forming a large puddle in front of me. He looked at me with a compassionate heart but having no idea what to do with me. Thankfully, the Lord Almighty intervened in that moment when, suddenly, my dear friend Jenny texted me to ask me how I was doing. And I responded by begging her to fly out to visit.
AND SHE DID.
I don’t know what I would’ve done without her friendship and love that week; a week where I wasn’t sure how to put one foot in front of the other. Several days of getting to know her sweet little Karalee and the companionship of one of my longest friends…she brought me chocolate and wine and we bawled through Frozen together. (Oh, wait…maybe I was the only one who was crying…) I was so grateful to the Lord, who supplied everything that I needed that week and more. And so thankful for Jenny, who is one of my most faithful friends.
Jenny & Karalee!
MAY
Not two weeks had passed when Melisa told me SHE was coming to visit. WHAT, WHAT?!! I missed Stella terribly, but almost a week (almost a WEEK!) with my Melisa and her Judah filled me up in a way that words cannot describe. It’s never enough time, but what would I have done without her love, her faith, her joy, her understanding…there’s something about being with someone who has experienced great loss but has been driven closer to the Lord, farther from bitterness, closer to grace, that brings a comfort others cannot. Thank the good Lord for Melisa.
Melisa & Baby Judah
Good times, great food. My parents treated Brian and me to an AWESOME dinner and a play in Denver for my birthday. It was such a lovely evening with them, filling our faces and a night out on the town.
Mmm, mmm, gooooood!!!
My newest niece was born…Ember Vivienne…and I got to hold her and the fullness of her chubby cheeks on my birthday for the first time. What a GIFT. Just look at this doll! I was in heaven.
For reals…those cheeks.
A birthday celebration with friends…Elizabeth and I both have birthdays in May, so Katie and Suz treated us to the Melting Pot! THE MELTING POT!! But oh, these friends…who brought me salted caramel graham cracker cookies and coffees and flowers and watched my kids and prayed for me and listened to me and went to CB & Potts with me multiple times :)…thank the Lord for these friends.
Sweet dessert, sweet fellowship
Guess who else came to town?! JILLIAN!! What a GIFT to meet her newest little man, sweet little Vaughn, and to do a major “fast forward” catch up with her!! We were both talking so fast, trying to squeeze months (years?) of catch up into 3 short hours. She is a heart friend, and I love her dearly!!
Jillian and baby Vaughn (can you tell Selah is enamored with Jillian’s beauty?!!)
JULY
EJ!! EJ, EJ!!! Erika’s family lives outside of Denver and she came to visit them…and so graciously met me for a (LONG) lunch one day. There have been many moments in my life where I have been acutely aware of the fact that Erika’s prayers and faith have so greatly helped me fix my eyes on the Lord. It was SUCH A GIFT to get to see her…it’s like a fire-hydrant of refreshment.
The one and only EJ.
Rayel got married!! We drove out to Minnesota to be a part of her day and it was such a joy to see her (seriously, most gorgeous bride ever!) and to watch her marry the love of her life!
Sweet Rayel!Our lil’ fam
On the way we got to see my long-time friend Amy and her husband Michael and her two (BIG!) boys Nathan & Joel. I can’t believe I forgot to snap a pic!! But we met at the Cabela’s in Omaha, walked around the cool store and, again, tried to catch up a LOT of things in a very quick lunch! Though I haven’t been able to see Amy very often since she lived with us while I was in high school, I think of her every day because she was the wonder woman behind my kids’ bedding and decor for their nurseries. So though she is far, her fingerprints are in our home and I love that!! 🙂
On the way back, we got to see Danielle and her family! Danielle!! It’s difficult to describe how my heart loves Danielle. She just makes everyone feel like they are the most special person on earth. I cannot BELIEVE I got the gift of getting to meet her DARLING Eliza while just a few weeks old, and spend time with her precious big girls Raegan and Anabelle. They were both SO sweet to Elliott and Selah, and Danielle and I talked a hundred miles an hour trying to–again–catch up on each other’s lives!! The time was WAY too short, but so, so, soooo sweet and such a GIFT from the Lord.
Danielle, Raegan, Anabelle and sweet baby Eliza
AUGUST
We celebrated 5 years together as husband and wife!! We had dinner at a restaurant I’ve been wanting to go to for years and years…super delicious fondue in a quaint little city. It was such a special date…filled with reminiscing about trials and joys and failures and victories. Oh, how I love this man.
We had a table out on the balcony, overlooking Manitou Springs…perfect.
Then, JILL was in town!! Jill and her family moved to England last summer and she came out with the kids for THREE weeks to visit!! Her youngest, sweet Olivia, is just a few months older than Selah and her boys are as sweet as can be. Elliott has inherited (half of) the boys’ clothes and Selah has inherited Olivia’s hand-me-downs so they are very special friends :). Our kids got to see each other a few times and it was such a GIFT–both for me to see Jill and for my kids to play with hers. I was so, so blessed.
SWEETEST.PICTURE.EVER.
Kari, Jill and I (and all the kids and two sets of grandparents!) met at Focus on the Family one morning.
Jill, Kari, Me and all of our children. Such a JOY to be together and have all our kids together!
Since Kari is in the previous photo, I’ll go ahead and mention her now, though she has been such a God-sent throughout the entire Spring and Summer. There are times when God’s gifts are so timely and perfect that I am at a loss for words to express my gratitude. Kari (and her family) and I living in the same city (well, sorta…) has been such a gift. Her friendship, her faith, her desire to follow the Lord in all things despite the cost has strengthened and encouraged me numerous times. I can’t believe we get to live so close!! Her sweet little guy Quinn got to spend the day with us a couple weeks ago and his friendship with Elliott blessed me immensely. So thankful that God orchestrated each of our lives to cross paths in a way that we can do life together.
Keely is officially hitched!! But before that happened, she had a gorgeous bridal shower in town. We’re missing Emily and Logan, but this group of ours has been friends since elementary/high school. It was SUCH A JOY to see them all while celebrating this dear friend of ours. Her shower was at the Broadmoor, and I told Brian that I felt like I had been on vacation after coming back from it. So refreshing, and so much fun to celebrate our friend!!
Jill, Sara, Keely, Kari and meAnd the “locals” got together one more time to feast on some amazing food and eat large portions of this incredible chocolate cake :).
SEPTEMBER
And last, but CERTAINLY not least…oh, how the Lord put this cherry on top of all of the ways He’s lavished me with love this Spring/Summer…he gave me Melanie for a sister-in-law. The picture below is (obviously) not of her, but of her beautiful offspring: my sweet nieces and a nephew who come over to play… I honestly am not sure how to adequately describe the gift it’s been to be near her this summer, but I will just say, she is absolutely a “good and perfect gift” from my Father. Thank you, Lord for her friendship, her faith, and her testimony of the transforming power of the gospel. Thank you, Lord.
Selah (1), Cypher (2), Elliott (3) and Fable (4)… If only baby Ember were in this picture as well…she would cover the <1 age :).Oh, now, look at that–I found a picture of her after all! 🙂 THIS was one of my favorite nights EVER…Biaggi’s, Fried Pimento (who KNEW?!), a big hat and two very grateful hearts. (P.S. She doesn’t own this hat…although I’m sure she’d love to ;).)
I am RICH. Rich with friendships, rich with people who love me, rich with people who fill me with faith. The Lord has been so faithful to meet my every need and surround me with those who love me. I am RICH….
I have always been that person who has wanted to wait until it was “safe” to tell people about our pregnancies. I will tell the very, very closest, those safest to my heart right away, but I will wait to tell the rest. I have called this “my safety zone.” I’ve never been a big fan of grieving while “the masses” looked on and this was my way of making sure I didn’t have to. We’ve always waited until we’ve seen an ultra sound, made sure that baby was in the right place, and made sure there was a heart beating strongly. I know, according to the books, you’re not out of the “danger” window until around 12-13 weeks, but since I get so sick during my pregnancies–and everyone has always told me that as long as you are sick, you KNOW the baby is okay–I have figured we were “safe” once we saw that heartbeat and as long as I was still throwing up. As much as I don’t enjoy vomiting every day, it’s been a comfort to me with each of my pregnancies. With each heave, I take comfort in the “fact” that my baby is growing well.
One of my initial thoughts after we lost the baby was, “Oh, no…my plan of waiting until it was “safe” didn’t work! We’ve told EVERYONE…Oooooohhhhh noooooooo…..” Total and absolute dread followed at the thought of having to tell the world the terrible news. Shame for celebrating our baby consumed me. And I immediately began changing my “safety zone” in my head: “Next time, I’ll wait until 13 weeks! Oh wait, I have friends who have lost babies even after 13 weeks. That’s still not safe. Okay, I’ll wait until 20 weeks! That will keep me safe! Oh, wait….I have very good friends who have lost babies after 20 weeks. That WON’T keep me safe. I’ve got it! I’ll wait until my due date to tell the world!! Oh…wait…I know that even women who carry babies full term give birth to stillborn babies…”
I played out various scenarios in my head–like, waiting until my next child’s first birthday to share the news with the world. But I knew, in reality, that even THEN I wouldn’t be “safe.”
I know I have only one choice that is “safe.” And I know exactly what that choice is…so, daily, I drop my tense shoulders…I let down my walls, I lift up my head, and I let the Lord IN…I set my terrified eyes on HIM. I lock my weeping heart on HIM. Because I know…that in Him, and Him alone, will I find safety…will I find shelter…will I find refuge…in the shadow of His wings, I am safe.
The Lord has had me on this journey of learning what it means to TRULY rely on Him, and Him alone, for years, but he has had His thumb on this issue very strongly for the last 2 1/2 or so. And I will be honest, I thought I was mostly done. I mean, come on, at least at 90% or so… But my tendency to want to find safety in statistics, in the past, in others’ stories, in science, in ANYTHING other than the Lord has reared its fierce head boldly since we lost our baby.
When tragedy occurs, we all just want to be safe. We all just want OUT of it. We all just want to have control over SOMETHING that will secure in our hearts and minds that we won’t ever meet tragedy again. I have wanted, desperately, to find something seemingly-safe to cling to. I have wanted to cling to the statistics to assure me that this will never happen again. I have wanted to cling to the fact that I have two of the most incredible children on the planet to assure me that, of course, I will get pregnant again and carry another baby full term. I have wanted to cling to the stories of my friends, who have lost babies and gone on to have more. But even as I have begun to put my hands on each of those “securities,” I knew instantly that my fingers would never be able to take a grip on them. They are too slippery, too unsubstantial, too meaningless. And now, I can’t even hope in my nausea. I won’t even “know” that my baby is okay because I am throwing up. Because that’s not true. Those statistics, those stories, my children…they are all great encouragements to me; they do give me hope to some degree. But they are not MY HOPE. They cannot be the places my eyes are set.
God holds life in His hands.
That’s it. That’s the end of the story. I can focus on my health, I can time whatever I want to, but GOD HOLDS LIFE IN HIS HANDS.
I can read, I can plan, I can study, I can take the perfect prenatal vitamins, but it is my GOD who holds my babies’ lives in His hands.
No king is saved by the multitude of an army; A mighty man is not delivered by great strength. A horse is a vain hope for safety; Neither shall it deliver any by its great strength. Behold, the eye of the LORD is on those who fear Him, On those who hope in His mercy, To deliver their soul from death, And to keep them alive in famine. Our soul waits for the LORD; He is our help and our shield. For our heart shall rejoice in Him, Because we have trusted in His holy name. Let Your mercy, O LORD, be upon us, Just as we hope in You. [Psa 33:14-22 NKJV]
I hope in THE LORD…not the “safety zone” of pregnancies, not the nausea, not the statistics, not the past. My hope, my trust, is in the LORD.
And so, my perspective has changed entirely. You know, I will never get to have a baby shower to celebrate the life of my third baby. I will never get to plan his or hers first, second, or third birthday party. I had 2 months, once we found out we were pregnant, to celebrate my baby’s life. And you know what? I DID. WE did.
We rejoiced over our baby’s life!!
Oh, how we REJOICED over this little one in our family!! AndI have no regrets. It was NOT a waste that we celebrated, despite what fear wants to tell me! I am so grateful that we did. I am so grateful for our friends and family who wholeheartedly celebrated with us!! I am so grateful that we took pictures, made a (virtual) announcement, and didn’t withhold our great news until it was “safe.” I am so thankful we didn’t miss out on our short window to celebrate the life of our littlest love. We made A LIFE, and we celebrated that life wholeheartedly. THANK GOD.
All three of our children :).
I was a bit taken aback, honestly, by the sympathy that came from “the masses” towards us. I didn’t think I wanted it or needed it, but I was so blessed by the way MANY came around us when they found out we had lost our baby. If you are reading this now, you are probably one of the people who did that, and I want to tell you how grateful I am for your love and your care. We live in hard times, where the lives of babies inside wombs are not valued as they should be, and yet you valued our baby’s life and then grieved with us when that life was gone. Thank you.
It’s just that I LOVE to celebrate, and I can’t believe I almost let that part of me be stolen. I’m sure I was created to celebrate. Jesus loved to celebrate too, you know! He loved weddings, right??!! 🙂 I love throwing showers, I love finding excuses to make a fun gift for someone, I LOVE IT ALL. And it’s because I love LIFE. I love people, and I love life. It brings ME to life when I get to celebrate others. Weddings are MMYYYY FAAAAVORITE….not because I love details and coordinating colors and themes and parties in and of themselves, but because I love TO TRULY CELEBRATE the fact that two people have chosen to lay their lives down for each other and become one before God and their closest friends!! That is a day to be CELEBRATED!! BIG TIME!!! Does celebration always have to look like a well-planned out party or gift? Oh, of course not. But HOW FUN to go ALL OUT and NOT WITHHOLD A THING to celebrate someone or something like CRAZY. I LOVE to celebrate LIFE.
I never want to quit celebrating. I never, ever want to quit celebrating LIFE. I never want to celebrate only when it’s “safe.” I want to be wholehearted and, like the woman many of us strive to be like, I so desperately want to “laugh at the days to come” and not fear them (Proverbs 31). It feels ridiculously scary, still, to think about (whenever that day comes) celebrating our next pregnancy boldly. So, so scary. And I have no expectations on us for when the “right time” will be to share. But, I do know this: without faith it is impossible to please Him, and my safety lies in Him…FAITH in HIM. And I want that truth to always drive our celebration, whether we share at 4, 10, 13, or 20 weeks next time.
Some trust in chariots, and some in horses; But we will remember the name of the LORD our God. They have bowed down and fallen; But we have risen and stand upright. Save, LORD! May the King answer us when we call. [Psa 20:1-9 NKJV]
WE HOPE, with all our hearts, that we will have another baby one day. But we will not hope in the fact that the statistics say we should or shouldn’t…If God grants us the blessing of another child to care for and raise here on earth, then it is solely by His mercy. Some trust in statistics; But we will remember the name of the LORD our God. We hope in the LORD. And though it feels so scary, I am promised that when I trust in His name, I will NOT be overcome by fear, but instead I will rise and stand upright. Praise be to God!!
Oh, Lord. Give me the strength, the hope, the faith to celebrate LIFE, even when it feels so scary. Give me the faith to trust solely in You, the One who holds life in His hands. Amen.
You stare at the ultra sound tech, who was gentle and quick with the news, and you ask stupid questions over and over, like, “what do you mean there’s no heart beat?”
When there’s no answer that comes from her mouth, and only several unsatisfying, “I’m sorry’s,” you turn to your husband to explain.
You look at your husband and ask, over and over again, “how can this be?”
When he only answers by squeezing your hand tighter and with silent tears that stream down his cheeks, you keep asking, over and over.
You get off the table when the ultra sound tech leaves you alone and you curl up on his lap and cry hysterically, still asking the same question and shouting, “no, no, no” to no one in particular…but deep down you know you’re talking to God.
You are moved to the doctor’s room and you wait together, crying and in disbelief.
The doctor comes in, and with your head buried in your hands and tears puddling on the floor beneath you, you ask, “WHY am I still throwing up? How can this be?”
You are convinced, when you ask, that she will respond by saying, “What? You’re still throwing up? You’re still so sick? Oh, well, then of COURSE the baby is still alive. There must have been a mistake.”
But she does not.
You ask a hundred questions that you’ve had to come up with on the spot.
And then you leave.
You hold your husband’s hand and close your eyes over and over again, hoping that if you blink hard enough you’ll wake up from this reality that feels far too unreal to be real.
And then suddenly, you are grateful. You have never taken your children for granted, you have always known they were miracles, but suddenly, right then, you are more grateful to God than ever before for the two lives he has already given to you to raise and love on this earth.
Your husband says, “let’s go get our kids and hug them tight,” and you know he is thinking the same thing.
You somehow drive home, in separate cars, and walk into your familiar, messy house. Everything is the same, just how you left it, yet everything is so different.
You sit on the couch and tell your 3 year old that we are not going to get to meet the baby in your tummy as we had planned. We will not get to hold the baby or see the baby, the baby will not get to sit in the extra high chair like he talks about every night at dinner. You tell him we will meet the baby in heaven, and when he asks when we get to go there you don’t know what to say.
He asks a few more questions, that you mostly don’t know how to answer, and then he jumps up and proclaims that he wants to play.
You are sad that he doesn’t get it, and so grateful that he doesn’t have to.
You put the kids down for naps.
You cry. A lot.
You lay in bed with your husband and cry so hard together that you soon can’t discern whose tears are whose.
You sleep. Sort of.
You wake up to the sounds of your two children laughing and playing hard with your husband, and you are so grateful hear the sounds of LIFE flooding your home.
You fight your nausea and head downstairs to be with your family.
Your husband hears you and runs to greet you at the bottom of the stairs with red eyes and a kiss.
You cry a little more in his embrace.
Your children run to you, and you cling to them with tears streaming down your face.
You play with them, gratefully.
You jump and down and shout hooray when your 3 year old puts his poops in the potty.
And then you turn around and laughter spills from your heart when your daughter puts her big brother’s underwear on her head–again–like a hat.
And then you cry some more.
You grieve and grieve and grieve.
You cry with your husband.
You cry with your best friends.
You pick yourself up, get the kids dressed, and go eat sushi.
You delight in your son using chopsticks for the first time.
You delight in your daughter who boldly walks up to every stranger in the restaurant and says, “hi!”
You go to the park.
You cry on the way.
You get home, get the kids in bed, and cry with your husband some more.
You process.
You pray.
You grieve.
You cry.
You thank God, for the hundredth time that day, that you married a man who values LIFE, and who fights for life.
And then you thank Him again.
You take a pill and try to sleep.
You wake up and you remember…
You see that your husband is not next to you, and then you hear him…downstairs, in the middle of the night, crying and crying out to God for a miracle.
You go back to sleep.
You wake up after fitful sleep and see that it’s morning. Your heart aches, and then you remember why.
You see that your husband is still not next to you.
You pray. And pray and pray.
You think. About everything.
You wonder…
You call out to your husband.
He comes running in the room, with red, red, wet eyes, and proclaims scripture after scripture to you, declaring God’s goodness, declaring hope…all through a broken, broken heart.
You cry, and thank God again for your husband.
You thank God for his weakness in this moment, and also his strength.
You go back to the doctor for another ultra sound…just to see…just to see if God had performed a miracle.
You see instantly that the miracle was not the kind you had hoped for.
But you get to see your baby on that screen again, and you love your baby, somehow, even more than the day before and the day before that.
Your littlest baby…
You remember that your littlest is in the arms of the One who formed him or her…understanding and experiencing His love more than you ever have.
And you are grateful. And sad. And grateful. And so, so sad.
You realize this is all far, far too much for you to understand.
And so you look up.
Because what else can you do?
You look up.
You are surrounded in darkness, so you look up. And you see Light.
You look up through your tears, you look up through your grief.
And when you look up, and see Him, your grief is comforted. Not less, but comforted.
When you look up, and you know…you KNOW…that this sweet little one will never know pain, will never experience hurt, will never taste sorrow…when you look up and you know THAT…then you can breathe again.
Because your littlest is in the arms of the Lord. The arms of the Lord.
You wish with everything in you that your baby was still with you. But when you look up, you are okay. Because the alternative is so rich…you know the alternative is Glory Himself. In the arms of the Lord.
You wonder how you will put one foot in front of the other. Walk out of the room. Love your family well.
And then you remember…
You remember him on your bed,
you meditate on Him in the night watches.
Because He has been your help,
Therefore in the shadow of His wings, you rejoice.
Your soul follows close behind Him,
His right hand upholds you… (Psalm 63)
How quickly you forgot. But at least you remembered…as soon as you looked up.
Yes, you are in shadow, but you are in the shadow of His wings.
And so, you rejoice.
Somehow, in His strength, you rejoice.
Rejoice in His salvation.
Rejoice that One died so that we ought never need taste the pain of death.
You know there has been no eternal death here…no, your baby is with the Lord.
Your baby has passed into LIFE…life with Life Himself.
You know there is no eternal death. Only eternal life.
You believe that His goodness cannot be overcome by darkness.
You don’t know how in this moment, but YOU KNOW.
You know you will remind your soul to hope continually,
and you will praise Him yet more and more.
Your mouth shall tell of His righteousness and His salvation all the day,
for you do not know their limits.
You will go in the strength of the Lord GOD;
You will make mention of His righteousness, of His only (Psalm 71).
Though this feels very much like “the end,” you know it is just the beginning for your littlest one.
And so, while nestled in the comfort of the shadow of His wings, you look up.
By you I have been upheld from birth;You are He who took me out of my mother’s womb.My praise shall be continually of You. Ps 71:6
Oh, sweet baby, you are up in heaven now, praising Him with all of your heart, mind and soul. Yet still, our heart will ache for you until the day we can hold you in our arms, alive. Goodbye, our most precious, precious baby…Goodbye for now.
We had probably seen “Pets Rule!,” a captivating, delightful, and highly-entertaining show at SeaWorld at least a dozen times. Elliott has always been quite taken by dogs and animals of all sorts, and this show was FULL of them—dogs, cats, pigs, ducks, you-name-its–all moving to the beat of the music while performing incredible stunts. Perfectly trained animals, clearing having the time of their lives as they showed off their mad skills while the audience cheered loudly with admiration, awe, and excitement.
Pets Rule!
So there we were, probably the thirteenth time in, and we got to THEE PART. You know, thee part…? Where they cue the touching music and make their speech at the end? Well, the woman had barely spoken the first three words of her monologue before the tears began to ROLL out of my eyes.
“…But you know, not all the animals you see here today were always so happy and healthy. As a matter of fact, some of the pets you have just seen perform, like Fresco or Casey, were either surrendered by their owners or picked up off the streets and taken to shelters and had no one to care for them. Take Chad. His owners gave up on him. They said, ‘He had too much energy and couldn’t be trained.’ Well, as you can see, Chad is very well behaved. Chad responded to every instruction he was given, jumped through hoola hoops and over obstacles and threw balls into hoops…”
Chad was not just “trainable.” Chad had been trained to be an extraordinary dog. A dog who performed amazing feats and tricks that most dogs will never do in their lives. His teachability and talent were clearly qualities that had been inside of him all long…it’s just that he had been given up on.
My lip quivered like a small child and I finally stopped trying to hold it in. Brian looked at me, incredulous. “Are you…crying??” he whispered in total awe. “What is wrong??”
“It’s just…it’s just…” I blubbered. “It’s just that this speech gets me every time!!”
Now, just to be clear, I’m not really an “animal” person. I mean, they’re great and all, and I love watching them do cool tricks and I’m happy for my friends who have pets that they love…but they’re not really my thing. So, as sad as it is that there are pets who have been abandoned and given up on, my heart beats for a bigger thing…my heart beats for the children who have been abandoned and given up on.
The speech…the speech about Chad and the other abandoned animals…It’s such a reflection of how our world views kids these days…how parents, teachers, society view our children. Unruly children, exasperated parents. You see it everywhere. Children in the grocery stores, throwing fits and screaming at their parents; parents throwing fits and screaming right back at their children. Children abandoned…everywhere. Physically, emotionally, spiritually…abandoned. They have not been trained. Where are the parents?? Where are the fathers?? Where are the mothers?? Where are the ones who will, instead of giving up on “unruly, impossible, nothing-can-be-done” children, go to their knees and ask God for His grace to understand the Word—where every piece of wisdom needed to parent in righteousness can be found? What I have heard over and over from parents is, “He is too out of control. There’s nothing to be done.” Why is it that the moment someone hears I have a 2-year-old, their expectation is never that he would be the delight that he is, but instead that he would fall right into the “the norm,” which is, “naturally,” that he would be a “terrible two-er”? Why are the “terrible twos” considered a “normal,” “expected” part of aging? I have a hard time believing that Jesus would have walked by a “terrible two-er” and said, “Oh, yeah…just get used to it. There’s nothing to be done…just carry on, and hope that age 3 comes quickly.” Yet this is what we seem to believe as a society.
I encountered it in teaching every day. A father who would roll his eyes while talking about his daughter (in front of her) and telling me how impossible her attitude was to deal with. A mother who labeled her son “devil child,” and then was filled with rage when he lived up to her expectation.
And over and over I saw—the root of the problem was not the kid. The root of the problem was that the kid was not trained. The kid had been abandoned—emotionally, physically, spiritually—and now was unruly. Over and over parents threw their kids at me each day telling me they were impossible. But a little training, coated in a lot of love, went a LONG way.
Unfortunately, a teacher can most often only go a “long” way…it is very difficult to go the entire way. That’s the parents’ jobs. To love and train their children relentlessly and diligently their entire lives.
But I see it in homes, too. Homes where the parents deeply love their children and love the Lord, yet have resigned to certain aspects of exasperation because “aren’t kids just exasperating?” It’s what we’ve been taught. Parenting is already the most difficult job that there is, and I want to breathe HOPE into you that it’s NOT your lot to live with exasperating behavior, rebellion and disrespect!! It’s not good for you OR your child! God promises us more!! I have observed this resignation in many, many families where the parents (excellent, excellent parents) just didn’t have vision for this “more.” This is what grieves my heart—like the owners who gave up on Chad because he was “untrainable,” I see parents, my friends, who are at the end of their ropes, exasperated and fed up. Unlike Chad’s parents, at least they don’t send their toddlers to the streets (haha), but they do not search out for more in their homes because of this stereotype that babies/toddlers/kids can’t be trained and are just meant to be frustrating their first few years of life. It grieves my heart because I know that’s not their heart for their kids and I know they are not living in the fullness with real vision. Vision that there truly could be peace. That the fruits of the Spirit could, indeed, be alive and active in their homes…even—even—in a home filled with babies and toddlers (and more).
I don’t condemn Chad’s previous owners—that’s not the point. But there’s this piece of my heart that wonders what could have been for them, had they had vision to really train him. I imagine he would have brought an enormous amount of joy into their home.
Elliott, taking great delight in this incredibly sweet, well-trained pup.
So to say that I am passionate about the training of children unto righteousness, godliness, holiness and practically, unto respect, self-control, and love probably doesn’t do my passion justice. But if you have spent even five minutes around me, with my kids or any others, my passion will probably be quite obvious. I am inserting a mini series of “Training” posts within my “Victorious Parenting” series because, I believe, training is fundamental to being a victorious parent.
I know this because I know this is God’s heart for us as his children and also for us as parents. Not only does he say, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6), but THE ENTIRE BIBLE is filled with training. Instruction. Teaching. If we neglect to train our children, we neglect to understand God’s heart in many areas of our own lives and the lives of our family. And that, my friends, is a big deal.
So, I will leave you with this: Proverbs 29:17 (in several different versions) to breathe some hope.
Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart. (ESV)
Discipline your children, and they will give you peace; they will bring you the delights you desire. (NIV)
Discipline your children, and they will give you peace of mind and will make your heart glad. (NLT)
Correct your son, and he will give you comfort; He will also delight your soul. (NASB)
Now doesn’t that sound nice?!?!
The following is from a commentary I read on this verse: “Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest,… Ease of mind, satisfaction and contentment, freedom from all anxious thoughts and cares; the correction being taken in good part, and succeeding according to wish and design; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul; by his tenderness to his parents, obedience to them, and respect for them; by his prudent behaviour among men; by his sobriety, diligence, and industry in his calling; by his fear of God, and walking in his ways; than which nothing can give a greater delight and pleasure to religious parents.”
This Scripture speaks to a picture of a child who is disciplined, trained…a child who brings peace rather than chaos. My children are far from perfect. (Perfect will never be my goal.) But I will tell you with confidence—they are trained (and, obviously, will need to continue to be trained every day for the rest of their lives). This Scripture could not ring more true in our home, as Brian and I say to each other constantly, “Our children are so delightful!!” Not because they act perfectly all the time (again, not the goal), but because so much of the time, our children are, indeed, tender to us, obedient to us, have respect for us…Selah, even at 16 months old exhibits all of these behaviors on a regular basis. By the grace of God, in these early years where selfishness and tantrums are very real battles, our kids are already delights to our souls. And they did not just COME like that, like some people assume :). It has taken a LOT of training…but wow, have we seen fruit from that training!! Every day I am grateful for what we have invested in their early months and years, because it surely brings delight to our souls every single day. My heart is not to boast in anything I have done (because it was only through utterweakness and hours of prayer on my knees that I came to understand many of these truths), but only to boast in the truth of the Scriptures that promise us that when we train up our children according to the Word, there will be good fruit.
So, let’s join together and grab hold of the GOOD NEWS!! I hope you will join me on this journey to explore what God says about training our children unto godliness! I hope you will join me on this journey of HOPE as we take the Word at His word! Stay tuned for the next post: “It’s Not You, It’s Me.”
Wow. We have had a FULL few months! People have been wondering if we dropped off the planet but no–I assure you…our feet are firmly planted here on earth. More specifically, we have planted them firmly in a blue-sky, clear-air little city called Denver. (Cue song: “Rocky Mountain High…”)
We decided at the end of April to settle down here for now. “Why Denver?” you ask. Because we have found LIFE here. (Now you’re REALLY starting to wonder if we have been outside the planet Earth, aren’t you?!) We have found Life in a very small church here. Our dear, dear friends pastor a small house church, and the people within it (because aren’t WE “the church”?) have brought us LIFE. They believe that church should be about true community, not just about a building that you step into once a week. They believe church should be about FAITH, for “everything that does not come from faith is sin,” and have FAITH in every aspect of who God says he is in the Word. They spur us on, sharpen us, and encourage us in this faith, in our marriage, and in our lives. Oh, and did I mention that we LAUGH a lot when we’re with them?
Life. Community. Faith. Sharpening. Encouragement. The true gospel. And JOY.
Yes, these are the things that we need. These are the things that we value. And so…we are here. It is also a huge bonus that Susanne’s family lives just a couple hours away!
Our family!Our new “extended” family!
Please come visit any time :). If you’d like our updated address, just email us here and we’ll be so happy to send it your way!
Elliott’s very first real word was, “more.” He had been saying “Mama” and “Dada,” but “more” was the first word that he used in context and consistently. And other than, “Uh-oh,” it is still his favorite word. When he’s especially passionate, he doesn’t just say, “more,” he yells, “More DA MORE!!!”
He uses it all the time, in every scenario you can possibly think of.
I’ll never forget one of the first times we were at Sea World watching the dog show (dogs are HIS FAVORITE). The “Who let them dawgs out” song blasted loudly as dogs of every type sprinted out from behind stage and into view, running to the beat of the music. I looked at Elliott and said with expectation: “Big guy!! Do you see all the dogs?!?! Aren’t they so cool?!!!”
“MORE!” he insisted, bluntly and impatiently.
This is–literally–how ALL of our conversations go:
“Elliott, did you have fun playing with your friend?”
“More!”
“Elliott, did you like going to the zoo?”
“More!”
“Elliott, was that a yummy special treat that you had?”
“More!”
Elliott, you did so great throwing that ball!
“MORE!!”
“Elliott, are you grateful that we got to take a special airplane ride??!!”
“More DA MORE!”
He is simply not able to truly enjoy or appreciate the present because he’s always looking to the future, and he wants to make it very clear that we know that he wants more of that thing that he loves.
And my heart breaks. Doesn’t he know that I long to give him “MORE”? Doesn’t he know that it fills my heart with utmost joy to lavish him with good things? Doesn’t he know that I want to spend the rest of my life giving him good gifts, whether the form of those gifts looks like special play dates, balls, a chance to serve, or every-once-in-a-while–sugar?! Doesn’t he know that his daddy has to literally hold me back from buying every thing I see in Target that I know will bless him???
But mostly, the state of his heart breaks mine because he reminds me so much of me, and my heart towards my Father.
Sometimes when I am really, really, really grateful for something, a sneaky lie creeps its way into my mind and quickly tries to convince me that that something will be taken away. So as a result, I cannot fully celebrate gifts or the ones whom I love because of this little lie that they will probably be snatched from my hands. It is a rotten trick, but nonetheless it has been trying to persuade me to grab hold of its false comfort every since I can remember. “If you don’t embrace it too much, it won’t be as hard on your heart when it’s taken away…”
I remember being a little girl and not being able to fall asleep some nights because I was so afraid that my parents were going to die. One specific night when I was about 4 years old, I cried and cried one night in bed until I finally ran to my mom for solace. And I don’t remember anything that she said, but I clearly remember what she did. She scooped me up, sat me on her lap, held me close, and rocked me. What brought peace? Not promises of what the future would hold, but the comfort and security of my mama’s love.
Fear robs. It robs from me. It robs from us. My God is not a God whom I should look upon with fear, because there is, simply, “no fear in love,” (1 John 4:18) and He is all-consuming Love. My God is not a God who tells me that I should live in fear, because He has “not given us a spirit of fearfulness” (2 Timothy 1:7).
It’s difficult to put into words how grateful I am for all that the Lord has given me in this simple life I lead. It is not glamorous or easy, but it is perfect. Perfect because of the ones I get to do this crazy life with. He’s given me a husband who adores me and lays his life down for me. Children who bring me more delight than I ever could have imagined possible. Friends who love us. Family who takes care of us. Yet as I approached my 31st birthday, and I examined the state of my heart, all I could honestly find was, “More DA MORE!!!” I don’t want more things, I don’t want more money. I simply want more time with the ones that I love. More days with my daughter, more days with my son, more days with my very best friend who has added such a tremendous amount of joy in the last few years that he has loved me. I want more giggles with my Selah and more tickles with my Elliott. I want more games of “Get you!” and more rides on the swings. I want more soccer and I want more tea parties.
And, of course, all of that is GOOD! It’s good for me to want more time with my family instead of less! It is good for me to miss my husband like CUH-RAZY when he hasn’t even been away from me for 24 hours. But it’s not good when there’s fear robbing from my gratitude. It’s not good when I am so concerned about what tomorrow may or may not bring that I can’t fully, fully value and enjoy today.
Colossians 3:15 says, “Let the peace of God rule in your hearts…and be thankful.” Don’t you love how the “peace of God” precedes thankfulness? I do. Not peace from financial security. Not peace from a known future. Not peace from the guarantee of prosperity. No, what brings peace? The comfort and security of my Father’s love. I love that it is only because I am at peace with Him, at peace with His love for me, that I have the ability to be thankful.
Peace from His perfect love, which covers and fills me. The peace of God.
Because of THIS: “If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!” (Matthew 7:11).
Ahhh, peace. HE longs to GIVE me more…more than I can fathom. Sometimes I think of Elliott and how little he really understands about the world. To him, Heaven would be a ball pit filled with every type of sports ball that there is. And while that does sound great, 🙂 he doesn’t even know…oh, he has no idea of the incredible joys that will be made known to him as he grows…the incredible gifts just around the corner. He, like me, literally cannot fathom what MORE there is to come. And that’s okay. I only desire for him to take great delight in the gifts and treasures of today, and simply trust that I long to give him more.
So this year, I desire MORE. More understanding of God’s love for me. More revelation of how much he lavishes me in love. More trust that He desires to give me good gifts. More peace in my heart that allows me to be filled with real gratitude..
Real gratitude for DA MORE…
More play dates at the park with my son, throwing balls, climbing high and swinging hard.
My morning birthday buddy.
More special treats at a cute little coffee shop, reading books together in a new, fun place.
Because SOMEONE’S gotta treat this birthday girl to a latte with whipped cream the size of her face when Daddy’s out of town!!
More HUMONGOUS, MEDAL-WORTHY tantrums thrown upon leaving said cute little coffee shop, if it means that I get to be the one to train and shape my son into becoming a godly, wise, filled-with-self-control man.
(No picture available. I’ll leave the scene of me trying to get him into his car seat while screaming, crying, and flailing next to a busy road up to your imagination.) 🙂
More scraped up knees and bloody faces if it means we were playing a rousing and hilarious game of “who can get the ball first?”
But you shoulda seen the other guy…
More special birthday outfits of yoga pants and maternity t-shirts (not because I’m pregnant! Only to hide my post partum belly!) because my crying, wounded son’s pee leaked completely through his diaper and onto my much-cuter, pre-blood and pee clothes while I was consoling him.
Well, at least I was showered when he peed on me!
More snuggles and kisses from my baby girl, who was so excited for my birthday today that she woke up earlier than she has in 4 months so we could start celebrating during the 5am hour…
Worth EVERY extra minute of missed sleep.
More ribbons and bows from my teething, fussy, adorable little blue-eyed beauty!
“If you’ll just let me chew on this spoon, I’ll stop crying.”
More laughter and love from this perfect face …
Elliott is entertaining her; can you tell she simply adores him??
More fun treats that bring the perfect end to hilarious days…
More, more, MORE of my handsome, strapping husband. More emails and text messages and phone calls from the love of my life, who has lavished me with celebration today, even from thousands of miles away. Who lavishes me with celebration every day, loving me and exhorting me and encouraging me and spurring me on and fanning me into flame and filling me with truth.
Mother’s Day
MORE. More DA MORE!! of days and days filled with the peace of my Everlasting God, which drives me to gratefully enjoy the many abundant and perfect gifts that He has lavished upon me.
Happy 31st birthday to me!! And may I have many MORE DA MORE!! 🙂
Today is one of those days, where I wake up and am flooded with gratitude from the moment my day begins. Not because life is easy right now. Not because we have everything figured out. Not because I slept well. Not because I’m comfortable.
But because God is good. So, so good. I am overwhelmed with gratitude today, and am taking my first “down” moment of the day to write down those things…so I don’t forget, so I give glory where glory is due…thank you, Lord. And as the tears flood my eyes, I write…
I am so grateful for my husband. Who relentlessly serves me and our family with such joy. Who tells me to sit down and talk about my day while he does the dishes. Who rubs my swollen feet. Who encourages me daily and tells me I’m doing such a great job. Who loves our son better than any dad I know. Who takes him swimming and teaches him to play soccer. Who helps me. All the time. Who always goes back down the stairs when I’m all tucked in bed and have forgotten to get my middle-of-the-night snacks. And then again when I realize I’ve forgotten my phone. And then again when I realize I left the monitor down there. 🙂 Always with such joy, always with such an eager heart. Who has done all of our Costco shopping with Elliott every single week by himself so I can sit and take the 30 minutes I need to eat a hot dog after our long afternoons filled with doctors appointments in San Diego. Who ties up my vomit bag for me after I’ve upchucked said hot dog mixed with who-knows-what-else, and takes care of it so I never have to see it (or smell it) again. Who adores me, and tells me so every day.
I am so grateful for my son. My Elliott. Who is simply my greatest joy. Who is in this stage where he loves holding our hands, so it’s not good enough to be walking next to him, I must be holding his hand. I love that.I cherish that. Who, after telling me to sit on the ground and me realizing he has a poopy diaper, brings me his diaper caddy and lays down on the floor with such joy so I can change his diaper without having to stand me and this big belly up again! Who is such an incredible helper. Who instructs me to sit down on the bench in our bathroom and brings me my tennis shoes. Who tells me when I have yogurt on my elbow and marker on my face. Who loves people so much that when new friends come by he wants to emphatically show them where the nearest ball is right away, because that’s his greatest treasure.
I am so grateful for family. Who love us so much. Who pray for us daily and tell us that. Who are always thinking about us. Who Skype with us and visit us. Who would, really, do anything for us if we asked.
I am so grateful for friends.Real friends. Who speak real truth. Who encourage me, who encourage us. Who pray for me. Who love me. Who send me daily text messages with Scripture. Who rejoice with me. Who help me design my baby girl’s nursery. Who send me fun surprises in the mail and beautiful cards. Who write things like this to me as I wait for my baby girl: “…so in praying for her arrival, I’m praying for something greater than perfection circumstancially. I’m praying for the peace that comes from seeing clearly the magnitude of the prize that this soul is, so that whether day one is perfect, or as imperfect as many of the days that will follow, it doesn’t matter in contrast to the power and glory of this little one shining the light of Christ in this and in eternity…” How blessed I am to have real friends.
I am so grateful for four cheese curly pasta. It makes me so happy. Every. Single. Day. Elliott was about 98% cheeseburger; this little girl is about 98% macaroni and cheese. With a good amount of hot dog mixed in there (I know, I know…but hey, YOU DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO TO SURVIVE.)
I am so grateful for cold water. Seriously, so grateful. I am thirsty and hot all the time, and I do not take it for granted that I have access to cold, fresh, filtered water all day long, when there are some just minutes away from us who do not have that luxury.
I am grateful for my daughter. Oh! My perfect, wonderful, tiny little bundle of girlness…I love her so much!! She is my daughter…my daughter. I cannot wait to meet her, to see her face, to watch her first breath…to hold her and nurse her and provide for her every need…to look her in the eyes and tell her who she is in Christ. My daughter. Oh, I am so, so grateful for my daughter.
I am grateful for peace. Supernatural, miraculous peace that can only come from Peace Himself.
I am grateful that I don’t have to be in control. Because HE IS. Because HE IS the I AM. Because He knows…and I don’t.
And last, but certainly not least, I am so grateful that it’s Friday. Friday night, even! Family time for two whole days, Grandma & Grandpa Moberg arrive tomorrow night, and soon…very soon…we will have our baby girl in our arms.
And yet still, for so much more…for Frosted Flakes and for my supportive sandals that allow me to wear dresses and skirts and not die of a back ache by the end of the day. For the super discounted air conditioner unit we found for our bedroom. For our friend Rayel who is living with us. For my exercise ball. For anti-nausea medication. For my maternity swimsuit. For four new babies being born this past week! For peaches. Oh, how happy peaches make me!! Ahh, for all these things and so much more…thank you, Lord…thank you, Lord.
