Category: Faith

  • Father Goose

    Water has been a fairly constant presence in our marriage, from living in our first home together on Waterview and then moving to the Dominican Republic and Mexico, where we were within walking distance and/or sight of water. Now even living in land-locked Colorado, God somehow managed to gift us with this amazing piece of land that has a pond. Our first house on the property had a lovely view of the water, but our current home on the property actually has a kitchen sink that faces the water.

    So I hardly ever take my eyes off the glittering blue. Especially when I’m doing dishes. When we enjoy our meals together, my eyes glance among my husband, these two precious gifts of children that God is letting us enjoy on earth, and the world surrounding our water. And what a world it is!

    It truly never ceases to amaze me how many surprises we are awed by each coming week or month. There is always something new to discover, always something new to explore. Just this summer alone, we have watched a mother Mallard care for her two new ducklings. We have watched a mama Scaled Quail lead her dozen little babes all over our backyard. The kids have discovered, captured, played with, and organized races with the two different types of snakes that are of abundance in the pond: Lined Snakes and Plains Garter Snakes. One day on a walk we took the time to examine as best we could the hanging bird nests we’ve noticed in the past and then God delighted us with directing one of the birds to perch at the top of the humongous Cottonwood and sing us his incredible song. We recorded it and raced home to do some research, finally realizing that these birds, which are always too high up for us to see clearly, are indeed Bullock Orioles. They are the designers and manufacturers of those incredible hanging nests. We identified two new types of shore birds enjoying the banks near our water: the American Avocet and the Wilson’s Phalarope. We also had a visit from a Double Crested Cormorant, which we haven’t seen in a couple years. What magnificent birds!! The swallows have swarmed like normal this spring and early summer, but this year they chose our ideally-suited stucco home to build their mud nests. If you’ve never watched a bird build her nest, stop what you’re doing right now and put that on your bucket list. It is truly a wonder…watching them collect pieces of mud, one tiny clump at a time and build these magnificent pieces of architecture to house their eggs and babies. These have been the new surprises of our summer. This is not to mention the beauties that we are used to: the brilliant golden current blossoming like rays of sunshine throughout the property, the cattails springing up like green shoots, the killdeer running around the shores with their loud chatters and pronouncements, the red-winged blackbirds singing and soaring. The herons swooping in and gracefully adorning the water. The pelicans, in all of their elegance, swimming and feasting. The turtle the kids found while kayaking confirming to us we do have life again in the pond. The baby tiger salamander they found, although it was dead, was like a whispered promise from God: “See? I will restore life here though there was drought and death.” The many minnows swimming confirm the same thing. The sunsets revealing God’s heart for beauty. The mountains declaring the glory of God and the strength of His might and our promise that “those who trust in the Lord are as Mount Zion. They shall not be moved” (Psalm 125).

    But, despite all of those wonders, one new surprise God brought to our waters at the end of spring was a goose nest. We have Canada Geese that frequent our Back Forty, but a walk in mid-May revealed to us that a pair of Canada Geese had chosen the banks of our pond as the birth place of their goslings. We discovered the mama sitting on her brood of 5 large eggs, the father dutifully nearby lest anyone try to disturb her. Even as we neared the mama, the father began swimming towards the bank to protect her. We stayed a good distance away, but he was on the shore in no time, ready to fight and defend. Over the next few days we watched closely until one day we saw the two proud parents swimming with four tiny, yellow goslings between them. A walk out to the nest a couple days later confirmed that one of the eggs did not hatch. But over the past couple of months, we have watched this sweet little family grow up and thus, even from my kitchen sink, I find myself marveling at God’s good created order and plan.

    The mother goose, the father goose standing guard, and the egg that didn’t survive.

    And here is the unfortunate truth of it: this father goose is a truer father than most human dads. He did not abandon his mate nor his offspring. He counts his offspring as worth defending, even while still yet within their egg casings. Because God gave even an animal such as this the instinct to recognize the value and worth of his offspring. God gave even an animal such as this the instincts to reflect His good created order, to recognize that children are a blessing from God. Even an animal such as this will stand by night and day to guard his wife and his children. And that is far more than we can say for many of the American people right now.

    Knowing their goslings would not be able to fly for some time, they chose a nesting ground near water to protect them. Any sign of danger sends them scurrying into the water, the father always last to fend off the foe and ensure his family is safe. Day after day we have watched this precious family grow and enjoy each other while the parents faithfully guard and protect their children at all costs. The children are obedient to their parents. They know the safest place for them to be is with their parents, under their umbrella of authority and protection, not off finding their own independence and deciding for themselves what they think is best. The gosling does not say to his father, “I think I am actually a squirrel. Therefore, I will remain on land and climb trees.” He trusts his father to tell him who he is and therefore how he should grow into an adult Canada Goose who will know how to act, perform and behave as God intended. But even if he did say something that absurd to his father, I am confident that this dad, whom I’ve watched intently over the last three months, would tell him the truth. “Son, you are not a squirrel. You are a gosling whose wings do not work yet. You need warmth, protection, direction and guidance from your mother and me. If you go live on land, that coyote we’ve seen wandering around every few days will find you and eat you. You will die. Trust us as your parents; we will tell you the truth.”

    No, there is no rebellion or mistrust from these goslings. There is no ignorance on the part of the parents. Each day as they go for a swim, the mama leads, all four goslings swim behind her in a perfectly straight row, and the father follows behind watching for danger. They know they are safe in their parents’ protection because these parents know it is their responsibility to guard and protect their offspring. They do not neglect their duties in order to give their children a “freedom” that will lead to their sure demise. They do not neglect their duties in the name of “love” but rather have taken up their God-given responsibilities to protect, provide, teach and guide.

    In the upper left photo, you can see both parents telling my kids, who are nearby on the shore, who is boss. In the bottom two photos you can also see the Mama Mallard and her two baby ducklings joining the party.

    Every single day for the past three months, we have watched this sweet little family go for walks. And it is the same every single time: the mother and the goslings peck and search for food while the father, on the other hand, never eats. No, his head is never down in the dirt. His head remains high up and alert at the end of his straight neck, searching constantly for danger. He is always on the lookout.

    Upper left: the father shepherds his family into the water as we were, apparently, too close. The goslings are getting bigger and looking more like their parents every day! Bottom photo: You can see three of the goslings resting, the mother and another gosling eating, and the father on alert as usual.

    One day they were taking a family walk near our home. As usual, the children stayed within a few feet of their parents, modeling their mother’s behavior of pecking diligently in the ground to seek nourishment. We decided to go out there and try to get a little closer to observe them. My darling Selah, who sometimes has the habit of acting without thinking through the consequences, decided to charge the geese. I still, to this day, after many thorough discussions, have absolutely NO idea what was going through her head. The plan was to gently and slowly approach, showing we were no threat, just to try to observe. But as Elliott and I gingerly approached the family, Selah came charging from behind us towards the family, yelling a war cry. Of course, the goslings and the mother quickly began to run towards the lake, but not the dad. That father, knowing his duty to protect his family, instead charged at Selah. Though he didn’t exactly “attack” her, he certainly let her know who was boss. He spread his expansive wings, showing off his 6 foot wing span, and flew up onto her back as she tried to—wisely—run away. He squawked and yelled and warned her to never charge his family again. Because HE is their protector, and like all Canada Geese fathers, he will NEVER abandon his children.

    Yes, Selah and I have had lengthy discussions since that day regarding her reckless behavior, but that’s not the point of this reflection. The point is, during a time where my heart is, really, overcome with sorrow at the horrific state of our nation’s fathers, God has given me this beautiful reminder that His created order, though decaying because of sin, will not be destroyed forever. In a time where fathers, in particular, have fully abandoned their responsibilities of being a father, I still have the unwavering hope that our Heavenly Father has never and will never abandon His children. This Father Goose will guard his goslings when threatened by an enemy, even to the death. We live in a time where human fathers think the enemy is their child, and it is by the father’s own hand the child dies. We live in a time where if, somehow, by the grace of God the baby escapes his mother’s womb alive, he will enter a world where organizations are fighting to BREAK APART the family model, REDEFINE the family model and then FABRICATE lies about that child’s identity. All of these things will surely lead to the destruction of families, children and the next generation, save the redemption of Christ. It is crystal clear observing these geese: If a gosling would have strayed from his father’s protection, he quickly would have been put to death by the many predators surrounding the lake. If the father had not remained to protect, lead and guide, the goslings would have surely died. The family unit, according to God’s design, brings protection, stability, and clarity for the goslings’ lives and futures.

    The last time we saw Father Goose and his family, the day before they flew away.

    I awoke one morning this week to see two Canada Geese flying away. We have been watching the parents give “flight lessons” to their goslings for the past couple of weeks, but in the past three months the parents have not flown at all, other than from one side of the lake to the other for the purpose of instruction. But that morning, the two flew AWAY. The other four were nowhere to be seen and we haven’t seen them since. What a beautiful thing God allowed us to witness this summer. A growing family, submitted to God’s order in His good creation, made it. They made it. The goslings graduated and get to repeat the lessons they’ve learned from their faithful father to the next generation of geese.

    Oh God, have mercy! Have mercy on us humans who have become “so wise” in our own eyes! So wise, that we think our ways are higher than yours. Have mercy on the father who did not turn to your ways, who did not guard and protect his daughter, who did not tell her the Truth, who allowed her to “find herself” and “follow her heart” straight into the bed of an evil and wicked man who gave her his seed for his own pleasure, only to destroy her and destroy it. Have mercy on this new father who has not only recklessly abandoned the woman who is with child because of him by fornication, but who is advocating for his own offspring’s death. And Lord, have mercy on the woman who has a baby in her womb and paints the words “not yet human” on her almost-full term swollen abdomen. This is a woman who can FEEL the movements of the life within her, who is even holding life within her arms, and yet has blinded her eyes to reality for the sake of “freedom.” Have mercy on the people who advocate for the “right” of abortion, as if murder of the innocent could ever, ever, EVER be justified by the ignorance of fathers, who for generations have neglected their role as CHILD OF GOD, HUSBAND and FATHER. Who for generations have neglected their Maker and all of his ways.

    I cannot pray, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do,” because they DO know. Every pro choice person knows exactly what he or she is doing when they vote to legalize the mass slaughter of innocent children. Though they try to justify it through ridiculous lies, even my 9 year old recognizes, “Mama, how could they say a baby in the womb isn’t alive? We all know that anything that’s growing is living. The baby can’t be dead and then suddenly alive once it’s birthed!” Out of the mouths of babes.

    But, even though they are well aware of what they are doing, I do pray for God to forgive them…while simultaneously praying for His justice to come. I pray for their eyes to be opened to the reality of truth and for God to have mercy on their souls despite their unwillingness to have mercy upon the lives of the unborn. May God give them the grace to repent.

    The guilt of the murder of each of the SIXTY THREE MILLION babies is on all of our hands. As a nation we have strayed so far from God’s truth. In our homes and schools and churches, we have strayed so far from God’s truth. We must pray, repent, and speak truth, even if it kills us. We MUST “speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves” (Proverbs 31:8-9). And we must teach our children the Truth, despite loud voices trying to convince them otherwise.

    You may not have a kitchen sink that faces the water. But you have all of creation at your fingertips and even the rocks will cry out to tell the truth. Will you?

    Friends, remember Father Goose. And remember that the One who created you will give you wisdom and truth if only you will ask for it. Speak up, fellow believers, speak up. And pray for the unrighteous to stop “stopping their eyes and ears” and turn towards truth. Pray for the unrighteous to seek first the kingdom of God, rather than their own wicked desires, and to find wisdom at its source: through the fear of the Lord, not through the “social justice” created by man’s foolishness. Pray for them to repent.

    As you do not know the way the spirit comes to the bones in the womb of a woman with child, so you do not know the work of God who makes everything (Ecclesiastes 11:5).

    For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth. For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse. For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Claiming to be wise, they became fools (Romans 1:18-22).

    “This is my Father’s world! O let me ne’er forget,

    That though the wrong seems oft so strong, God is the Ruler yet.

    This is my Father’s world! The Battle is not done;

    Jesus who died shall be satisfied, and earth and heav’n be one!”

    The (double) promise He set in the sky over our property last month.

    The rainbow, and all of creation, belong to Him. And He who has promised is faithful (Hebrews 10:23).

  • New Mercies Monday: My Mama

    New Mercies Monday: My Mama

    “I don’t think you realize how close you were [to dying]…” my mom’s physician said to her, several times, in the past few weeks. And every time she relayed his words to me this past week, I remembered the not-so-distant memory of the heaviness that weighed on me so many times in the previous weeks because I could feel how close she was.

    It started with excruciating back pain and ended up with two [major] emergency surgeries, multiple [serious] infections and [over] three weeks in the hospital.

    But do you know what it DIDN’T end with?

    Death.

    It didn’t end with death, even though it could have. It didn’t end with death, even though it was close. It ended with LIFE. God was so, so merciful to us.

    I remember getting the news that she was in the hospital (while we were out of the state, nonetheless) and praying that God would take away her pain. But soon after we discovered that the pain was caused by a very serious Staph infection that had severely damaged two of her discs. And then? Then I began to praise God for the pain. Before, I had been asking him to take it away, to relieve her, to calm her body, when that pain was the very thing that saved her life. Oh, how this has had me pondering. How quick I am to pray for others’ pain to be relieved. How quick I am to pray that my pain should be lifted, when perhaps God is using that pain as the very tool to save my life. Maybe not always in a literal sense, but in a spiritual sense…to draw me closer to Him…to teach me His ways…to show me how to depend on Him and Him alone…to save me from the ways I have put my hope in false things without even realizing it. I am too quick to want to remove pain and not quick enough to surrender to God’s hand that sometimes brings pain to save us.

    The last 3+ weeks have been so hard. It was an incredibly (awful) roller coaster of one day receiving good news and the next day receiving the news of a terrible twist in the recovery. One day, while she was in the middle of her second emergency surgery, I just shut my door (“kids, I’ve got to go pray and cry my heart out to God”) and I let the wails go. In reality, I think this second emergency surgery does not typically end in death, but death just felt so near. I don’t even know how else to describe it, but I was gripped with fear of losing my mom. Oh boy, did I cry. Begging God to have mercy on my mom and tears flooding my open bible, He led me to a verse (an entire chapter, really) that has carried me through some of my darkest days over the years.

    “His tender mercies are over all of His works.” Psalm 145:9

    Now, in that moment, I wanted to be led to a verse that promised me he wouldn’t take my mom’s life (I know, never gonna find that in the bible) and I began to protest: “MERCIFUL? TENDERLY merciful??” I wanted to scream. I imagined doctors and nurses frantically prepping my mom for surgery and rushing her into the operating room. “Tender” is not exactly the word I would use to describe what was happening to her. But I couldn’t even get my protest into audible words because God’s peace was so immediately with me (He is near to those who call upon Him! v.18) and I remembered. I remembered that His word is true and He IS merciful, all the time, despite what circumstances look like. He IS merciful in the midst of pain. In fact, the pain IS often THE MERCY. It had been the pain that mercifully saved my mom’s life just days before and although I couldn’t understand how this second surgery could be merciful, I had to have faith that it was. Even if it ended in death. And so I thanked God for being merciful to my mama, even though I couldn’t understand. I prayed that His mercies wouldn’t cease and that He would protect her, take care of her, and spare her life. And you know what? He did all of those things. And it turns out the pain that the led them to discover the perforated intestine which led them to this second emergency surgery was, indeed, His great mercies again. Although we will never know for sure, it seems like the issue was a pre-existing condition that no one knew about. That, in and of itself, also could have killed her if it had gone undetected for much longer.

    His tender mercies are over all of His works. 

    This past week I have been able to talk to my mom several times (!!!) and each time, she testified over and over and over to how God has ordained every single minute of her time in the hospital. How He has provided and taken care of her and seen to every detail of her needs. I am in awe of how the doctors caught various issues–multiple times–that all could have led to death if untreated. So thankful for the amazing physicians that cared for her. So thankful for the spit-fire nurse who washed her hair (Ahhhh the mercy of clean hair!). For every doctor and nurse who so tenderly cared for my mama in the midst of her great suffering and need. So thankful for the dearest friends, family, and church family who covered us all in prayer and love the past few weeks. So thankful for my mom’s sisters, my dear aunts, who responded to emails and updates with contagious hope and joy, who texted me to check in on me in my lowest hour, who loved us all so tenderly. So thankful for the ways that the Lord sustained and protected my dad, who spent hours upon hours tirelessly caring for my mom, loving her well, and commuting back and forth from the Springs to Denver to be with her. How could I miss the shower of tender mercies raining down upon my family? 

    And so, she LIVES. (Hallelujah!) Just a few days ago my mom said “goodbye” to the hospital staff and “hello” to a rehab facility. Although we don’t know how long she will be there, I am learning to rest in the peace of Christ and trust that God’s plans for my mom are far more merciful than my best thoughts and ideas. I am trusting that He will be with her as she re-learns how to walk and do life with a slightly different body. Trusting that although there probably will still be a long, difficult road ahead, that His tender mercies cover that road in the peace of Christ. And, that the Lord is near to all who call on Him in truth. He is so tenderly near.

    Thank you, Father, for sparing my mom’s life. 

    Mom, I don’t know when we’ll accidentally dress as twins (unless I can find me a butterfly back brace!), be able to take a four-wheeler ride or bake pies together again…but none of those things matter…I am just so thankful to still have you. 

  • New Mercies Monday: the Glory of God

    New Mercies Monday: the Glory of God

    It’s been so long since I’ve taken the time to stop and record the goodness of the Lord through this here bloggy blog. I have so many things to say! So many things running through my mind but very little time to SIT. You’d think a world-wide pandemic that forces us all to stay at home would create gobs of extra time, but it sure hasn’t in this household!! So this week my goal is to make just a little time to sit and record. We are literally in the middle of making history!! I think it’s important to record some of the happenings in our lives and hearts and minds.

    And I’m starting here:

    The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork. Day to day pours out speech, and night to night reveals knowledge. There is no speech, nor are there words, whose voice is not heard. Their voice goes out through all the earth, and their words to the end of the world. Psalm 19:1-4a

    I have not been able to get this picture out of my head for the past 19 days. Is it not GLORIOUS?

    You know how sometimes you go to take a sunset picture and the photo looks nothing like the sunset itself? This was not one of those times. This is really, truly, exactly what the sunset looked like in real life. No photo shopping. I’m still in utter awe that this is the view I have while standing at my kitchen sink. The Lord surprises me EVERY.SINGLE.DAY with the sunset that He paints in the sky. It’s the same feeling as getting a beautiful, heart-felt note in the mail from a dear friend or receiving a one-of-a-kind, precious drawing from the sticky, paint-covered hands of my child. Unexpected, genuine, filled with love, just for me. And here the God of the universe is handing me a piece of His glory…right there in my sky…and it makes my heart thump hard every time. He is breathtaking, and so is his artwork. Every day those heavens declare. They cannot hold their voice back from all the earth. Every night that sky proclaims. God’s handiwork is unmistakable. Unreproducible. Uncomparable. Unbelievable. For God himself is all of these things. And the sky so loudly reminds us that he is the I AM.

    He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities–all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together. Colossians 1:15-17

    Nothing that is happening is unseen by God. Nothing that is happening in the world is a surprise to him. Nothing that’s happening in our lives is beyond him. So let us, dear friends, worship him as loudly as the skies in the midst of this pandemic. When we feel overwhelmed, stir-crazy, stuck, alone, afraid…let us remember that it was never supposed to be about “us” in the first place. It was always supposed to be about HIM. May we LOOK UP and remember that his glory is painted in the sky for us to see. He lets us see a piece of his glory for his glory. Let us praise his name, for he is worthy! Let us give thanks to him, for he holds all things together! Let us glorify him who does not hide his face from those who seek him! Let us look to him, for he is glorious above all! 

     

    Your turn, my friendshow is God holding you together during this time? Where have you seen his glory here on earth? What new mercies has he brought to you today?

  • New Mercies Monday: 10 Years

    New Mercies Monday: 10 Years

    Y’all. Brian and I have officially been married a decade!! Fireworks, please!!!!

    We celebrated the big 10 on August 8. Wow. As some of you know, it was my dream to have a 10 year anniversary celebration party and invite all of you but, alas, my plans are often not the Lord’s! Besides the fact that you know I love throwing a fun party, I really wanted to take the time to CELEBRATE what THE LORD has done in us and through us in these 10 years. It is worth taking time to celebrate!! So instead of throwing a party, we got a few days away together (in Washington, nonetheless!) to reminisce, to ponder, and to look forward. And, I wrote Brian a poem. Because you all know writing is how I process everything. He called it the “Iliad and the Odyssey all rolled into one” so apparently I’m still long-winded. But, come on! It’s been 10 years!! A lot has happened!!!

    If you are reading this you are most likely one of our dearly beloved friends or family members. YOU have been a big part of how the Lord has sustained us and grown us these last 10 years. THANK YOU for standing with us throughout our marriage and loving us!

    As I pondered the last decade, I couldn’t help but think about how we met each other at sea level, and here, 10 years later, the Lord has brought us to the mountains…with SO.MANY valleys, twists, and turns in between. We could have never, ever made it this far without the Lord’s new mercies to us EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. Thank you, Lord, for your faithfulness and goodness to hold our marriage together. 

     

    10 Years of Marriage

    “I do,” I did and what I didn’t know

     

    Our journey began at the ocean
    Promising to love with heart, soul and mind
    Now ten years later He’s brought us to a mountain
    After many valleys and hills, hand-in-hand we have climbed

     

    I didn’t actually know what that “I do” promise entailed
    Though I meant it with all of my heart
    I committed to you in the fear of the Lord
    And was more than ready to fulfill my part

     

    But I didn’t know how much I would fail
    At this God-given task I had waited years for
    I didn’t know how much dying it would entail
    And how it would draw me to Him more and more

     

    I didn’t know when we said, “for better,”
    All the gifts God had in mind on us to bestow
    Our first-born son Elliott and precious Selah as our daughter
    Have been the best “betters” of our lives beyond what we could have known

     

    I didn’t know when we said, “for worse,”
    What pain that word would really encompass
    Cradling our breathless babies was a path we had to traverse
    And now we await the reunion in Heaven with our two littlest

     

    I didn’t know when we said, “for richer,”
    That money would not be the primary meaning
    Rather the body of Christ has made our hearts fuller
    All our friends and family who, with love, are surrounding

     

    I didn’t know when we said, “for poorer,”
    That our lack and our need would come in so many forms
    So at the beginning of each day we go to Him in prayer
    And ensure seeking His kingdom first is the daily norm

     

    I didn’t know when we said, “in sickness,”
    The overwhelming way it would impact our days
    And I didn’t know how profoundly we’d see His goodness
    And how we’d learn how much higher, indeed, are His ways

     

    I didn’t know when we said, “in health,”
    How much we would thank Him for each God-given day
    Every breath, every step is our treasured wealth
    Every victory, together, is gratitude on display

     

    I didn’t know how much we would disagree
    On sometimes what’s seemed like everything
    I didn’t know when something appeared so clear to me
    That you could have a completely different hankering

     

    I didn’t know how different we could possibly be
    Male and female He definitely created us
    But it’s because of these differences that you so perfectly complete me
    And the grand design of God I’m learning to trust

     

    Yet I didn’t know how much we would agree
    Some subjects have been natural and easy
    But others have been won with hard-fought victory
    Thanks be to God, He has given us true unity

     

    I didn’t know when we decided to marry
    The vast number of decisions and choices there would actually be
    But I married a man whose convictions would strengthen daily
    To pursue holiness, to value life, to love—forever—only me

     

    I didn’t know we would call 8 places “home”
    Spanning 3 different countries and 6 unique cities
    In total, 25 cars and trucks, 3 houses would we own
    And now a kitchen sink facing water on our 40 acres

     

    I didn’t know what an incredible father you would be
    And how much joy you would find in instructing in righteousness
    That teaching our kids the Word would be such a high priority
    And in word and in deed, loving them with such boldness

     

    I didn’t know the various things you would help me learn to appreciate
    Faithful flossing and the thrill of four-wheeling are two
    My preferences now are SUV’s, trucks and the house cooled to 68
    But above all, most importantly, finding a ridiculously good value

     

    I didn’t know what a massive undertaking it would be to be my husband
    If I’d known how much I was going to cost, I’d have said, “It couldn’t be true,”
    Yet when through tears I share with you (and your gray hair) this sentiment
    You smile kindly and hold me tightly and say, “But I have you.”

     

    I didn’t know how very much I would need you
    I didn’t know you would—literally—catch me when I fall
    Your vision, strength and sacrifice in all that you do
    Your godly perspective and wholehearted love that embodies it all

     

    You see, I didn’t know when I said, “I do”
    How much choosing I would do every single day
    Yet still, with overwhelming joy, I do choose you—to love only you
    Still I do choose to live with you in an understanding way

     

    I didn’t know our love could withstand the fires and come out so very strong
    We know it never could have, save the love of Christ we’ve been given
    Some One wise once said that two are better than one
    Yes, but a cord of three strands is not easily broken.

     

    We couldn’t have known who we would need
    The perfect mate to help us follow God, remain true
    We couldn’t have known, but, in faith, we followed His lead
    And God, oh yes…GodHe certainly knew.

     

    To Him be the glory for these 10 years! Amen.

     

     

  • New Mercies Monday: Laughter

    New Mercies Monday: Laughter

    “Our God does not intend His people to be shipwrecked. However, we would be shipwrecked and lost if we could not be held fast in the hour of temptation…He bought you at too great a price and values you too much to see you broken to pieces on the rocks. Therefore, He has provided a glorious safeguard for you so that when…the trials of the world attack you, hope may be the anchor of your soul, both sure and steadfast. How much we need this anchor!…If you have been sailing on the great waters of life for any length of time, you must be well aware that if it were not for everlasting truths, which continue to hold you securely, your spirit would quickly have been thrown into everlasting darkness long ago, and the proud waters would have gone over your soul long before this. When the mighty waves rose, it must have seemed to you as if your poor boat had gone down to the bottom of the sea, and if it had not been for the unchanging love and immovable faithfulness of God, your heart would have utterly failed. Nevertheless, here you are today, convoyed by grace, provisioned by mercy, steered by heavenly wisdom, and propelled by the spirit’s power. Thanks to the anchor, or rather to the God who gave it to you, no storm has overwhelmed you. Your ship is under way for the port of glory.” ~Finding Peace in Life’s Storms by Charles Spurgeon

    A timely belated birthday present from Erika! (artwork by Brianna)

    He is good, isn’t He?

    Where would I be without this hope, without this anchor for my soul? I would–most certainly–be drowned at the bottom of the sea…my heart would have utterly failed.

    It is incredible to sit down (when I can!) on these Mondays and just stop to look back and remember. Wow. I just sorted through pictures from the last couple of weeks and in the midst of that little project, the Lord has shown me so much that I don’t think I would have seen had I skipped sitting quietly to blog today.

    In the last two weeks, I have felt a seedling sprout in my heart. In faith, I have been confident that the Lord has been tending to a good work in me over the months and years. The digging and tilling and planting has been happening out of sight to the world and even to me…though I could feel it, I couldn’t understand it or see any visible fruit. But this week a sprout was visible–even to me. He is restoring laughter to my spirit and joy to my soul.

    Last week, thanks to the prompting and encouragement from my Step instructor, I sat down to read Habakkuk, a book I haven’t read in too long. She had been encouraging me the night before, quoting verses from Habakkuk and as she was speaking I was finishing the book in my head: “Though there is no fruit on the fig tree and no cattle in the stalls…YET I will rejoice in the Lord…” So I sat down the next day to read through all of it and was so deeply encouraged by Habakkuk’s wrestles…isn’t it amazing when you encounter the very things you have said to God in the book that He wrote for us?? I am not alone.

    Though the fig tree may not blossom, Nor fruit be on the vines; Though the labor of the olive may fail, And the fields yield no food; Though the flock may be cut off from the fold, And there be no herd in the stalls– Yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will joy in the God of my salvation. The LORD God is my strength; He will make my feet like deer’s feet, And He will make me walk on my high hills. (Hab 3:17-19)

    Then earlier this week, I got this text message from my dear, sweet friend Shaunna. She wrote, “When I pray for you, I always pray that God would fill you with joy, peace, and comfort. But today I also pray that you will enjoy a deep belly laugh and smile from ear to ear…”

    I smiled, and immediately realized that she had put to words exactly what I could feel God doing in me…restoring joy and laughter. And there was my friend, hand-in-hand with our mighty God, praying it into existence. Who is blessed with friends like this who walk with you in grief while believing God to meet you with joy?? Thank you, Lord…

    Two days later, Elliott had just stepped out into the backyard to play when he came bounding back inside squealing and screeching and shouting, “MOM!!! MOMMM!!!!! MOMMMMMM!!!! COME LOOK!!! OUR FLOWERS ARE SPROUTING!!!!”

    To be honest, I didn’t believe him. We had JUST looked in our flower boxes the day before, and I had JUST explained to our friends who were over that day that I have a black thumb and although I tried SO HARD to grow these perennials for Elliott so they would attract butterflies for him, that I had utterly failed. But I ran outside with him to look and, sure enough…we had four little sprouts!!

    Here’s one!!

    Look at how the Lord weaves every detail of our lives into profound lessons for us. A sprout.

    And a sprout of laughter.

    It can be difficult to accurately portray reality: I never want to embellish or dramatize what’s happening in my heart and our home, and I also want to keep each blog post a blog post, and not a novel (I know, too late!). So I don’t mean to portray that there has been NO joy or laughter in our home, because that’s not true…there has been. Every day we laugh together as a family and my kids laugh together ALL THE TIME, but it has been hard for me to push aside my grief and just let the laughter roll out of my belly like I know it can. It’s been really hard, especially in the day-to-day mundane tasks. If I can distract myself enough to forget, I can find joy and laugh easily. But to find joy when I remember the grief and the loss and the pain? That’s much more difficult. But, it’s sprouting. I am seeing myself laugh WITH the kids all day long instead of just watching them laugh and trying to remember what it feels like to be that carefree. I am finding true joy in the Lord, in the anchor of my soul, in the midst of the grief and the trials and the dreams that feel crushed. And little by little, it’s rolling out of my belly and up through my mouth like a thunderous ball of laughter.

    “…and she laughs at the time to come…” (Prov 31:25)

    Lord, let it be. Grow your joy in my heart and in our home.

    Here are some glimpses of the laughter sprouting in our home in the last couple of weeks…

    New friends, all trying to pile into the clown car together!

    Trader Joe’s. Need I say more? These kids LOVE having their own mini carts. If it looks like they’re racing, it’s because they are ;).

    Peanut Butter nose. This girl can’t eat without getting food all over her face, and it always gives every one of us a little chuckle. I’ve never seen a more adorable freckled peanut butter nose!!

    She also can’t eat without somehow turning her food into a joke, a letter of the alphabet, a vehicle, and animal, or a body part. This might drive another mom crazy, but it makes me laugh every time!! She’s always forcing me to STOP and really take joy in life. Here, her cucumbers were, of course…eyebrows. 🙂

    We introduced Elliott to our new pet, the Penny Horse!!!

    My mighty girl, who never ceases to amaze me with her bravery. Look at how chill she looks up there!! Just sittin’ on top of the playground like it ain’t no thang!!! Ha!!

    Speaking of bravery…my kids did not get the “animal bravery” gene. We have tried to work so hard with them…thankfully, the McCabes have cats and so the kids get to practice being strong and courageous against these fierce incredibly sweet and cuddly felines every time we go over there. However, all progress may have been lost in that arena when Selah was bit by someone else’s cat a couple months ago. Sigh.

    So then, my dear friend Julie was in town!!! Her parents live in Guam about an hour and a half away, so I invited her to spend the night over here. She accepted and asked if she could bring her dog. Yes! It was the perfect way to expose our kids to animals, as Lincoln is a super sweet and well-behaved dog. Julie taught them how to play “hide-and-seek” with her, and they just giggled uncontrollably throughout the entire game. They each hid two treats for Lincoln around our living room and then Lincoln had to find them. The kids thought it was hilarious. Julie also very patiently taught them about Lincoln and let them pet her while in Julie’s arms. AND…they each wanted to take a turn walking her! Now THAT’S progress!!

    Look at those brave kids and that adorable dog!!

    And, I got to spend time with my sweet friend!

    We asked Brian to take a picture of us, and this is what we got at first 🙂

     

    This big man took the longest bike ride he has yet with his daddy to a surprise location: Culver’s! For some yummy custard!

    The kids and I baked this (INCREDIBLE) banana bread last week. I have yet to be successful in teaching the kids to crack eggs without getting them EV.ER.Y.WHERE, but they still beg me to let them crack them. So I consented that day, and Elliott’s egg literally ended up ALL OVER HIM. We all laughed so hard…even Elliott, which is a big deal for my normally hates-to-be-dirty-and-wet son 🙂

    Will selfies with the kids EVER get old???!!! I don’t think it’s possible!!

    This one sure thinks it’s funny!!!!

     

    Thank you, Lord, for another week, for sprouts of joy, and for your new mercies. 

  • New Mercies Monday: Receipts & a Penny Horse

    New Mercies Monday: Receipts & a Penny Horse

    I am constantly trying to see the Lord in all that I do in a day. He teaches us all the time, and I don’t want to miss a lesson from Him. So, so often I understand His character through watching my children and taking note of the way my heart, as their mother, responds to them. Because if I know how to give them good gifts, how much more so does our Heavenly Father? (Matthew 7:11). So I let Him teach ME about Him through parenting.

    One particular morning…”errand morning” to be precise…my little girl had just had it. She had been on the edge all morning, but when we rolled our little Costco cart out of the building and towards the car, the receipt (you know–the one where the kind old man had drawn a portrait of my daughter on the back with a marker, curly hair and all?) was taken captive by the tornado happening in the parking lot. She had had her heart SET on taking that receipt home…cutting it into pieces and gluing it onto construction paper. She had plans. She had dreams. And all of them were blown into oblivion with that huge gust of wind. She totally and completely fell utterly apart. And as I attempted to unload our groceries into the back, all the while clinging to that enormous Costco-sized watermelon with all my might in hopes that it would keep me anchored, my darling daughter had her face plastered against the car window, shouting out suggestions through heaving sobs of how I could “just chase after the receipt.”

    It was literally so windy I was afraid WE were going to blow away, and against my better judgment I attempted to try and explain to her how far away China was and how, at the rate the wind was blowing, her receipt was surely already there.

    “BUT WE CAN JUST GO THERE!!!!” she sobbed.

    “We would have to take a plane, and then our groceries would go bad.”

    “WELL YOU CAN JUST CALL THE POLICE!! PLEASE, MOM!! JUST CALL THE POLICE!!!” she begged.

    How do you gently explain to your crushed 3 year old that her receipt is not important enough to call the police for? Oh my. So she cried hysterically all the way to the place where we pick up our milk. I tried to reason with her and sympathize with her for a few minutes and then I just stopped talking, quieted myself, and let her cry. Because, come on, she was devastated and therefore totally unreasonable. And I get that. It just didn’t feel like a moment to correct her. She was refusing to be comforted by me. How many times have I been too busy pumping my fists and shouting suggestions at God that I have refused to be comforted by Him? That was an insightful question to ask myself.

    We arrived and I unbuckled my red, swollen-faced little girl, grabbed our milk box, and we walked inside. I set the box down and…

    There, stuck to our milk box, WAS A COSTCO RECEIPT. With a curly-haired little girl drawn on the back. I had to blink about 700 times but it really was there. I checked the items and they were items I buy, but not items I had purchased on that particular day. But still…it was a virtually identical Costco receipt. I knelt down, showed Selah the receipt and talked to her of the Lord’s mercies towards her. That there was no way I could have orchestrated that, but God did. That God knows her heart and her desires and He cares about them…because He cares about her. Her receipt may not have been important enough to a police man, but it was important enough to God. So there I was, talking to her, but more than anything I was talking to me, because I desperately need to understand that lesson. That when I am screaming and crying and hysterically shouting at God, and He is silent, that that doesn’t mean He doesn’t have a plan. It’s just not time to find the receipt yet.

    So then we headed to the next grocery store to get the few items we need from there. And Selah decided she MUST sit in the blue car cart. I mean, it was a matter of life and death. I explained to her for the third time that we only needed 3 items and we had to hurry if we were going to get the items, drop our groceries off at home and make it to Elliott’s preschool to pick him up on time (thankfully we didn’t have to take a detour to China anymore!). And she lost it. Sobbing and hysterically crying all the way into King Soopers. She had finally calmed down by the time we got to the cream cheese and we made our way to the check out as I checked the time for the billionth time since setting foot in the store.

    After paying, the teller slipped a penny across the counter. “Would she like to ride the horse?

    “The HORSE?” I asked.

    He looked at me, dumbfounded. “Yes, the HORSE…you know? The penny horse? The penny horse is the only reason people shop here!” We had been to that store dozens of times and not once had anyone mentioned this horse that was apparently the main attraction and certainly had I never been given a penny to ride it! I looked in the direction of his pointing finger to see a brown toy electronic horse, with a “1c” sign hastily scribbled on with spray paint. I will admit, we are not “grocery store ride” people. I have never even glanced twice at one of those things, but I will say that 1 penny wasn’t a bad deal at all! My mind raced with the fact that my little one had been hysterical for the better part of the last hour and that she certainly didn’t “deserve” a ride on the penny horse and that we didn’t have two minutes to waste in this particular moment…when…

    Mercy. I could see God’s mercy. Not getting what we deserve. God seemed to be going out of His way to give my emotionally-unstable little girl new mercies that morning. And I certainly wasn’t going to get in His way. I gave up my agenda and bent down, for the second time that morning, and explained to Selah how the kind man had given her a penny to ride the horse, but how really it was God giving her yet another new mercy. She listened intently as I preached my little sermon and when I asked if she would like to ride the horse, she stared back at me with those big blue eyes, mouth open in wonder, and slowly nodded her head up and down. Because sometimes His mercies come in the shape of recovered Costco receipts and penny horses.

    The Penny Horse.

    Thank you, Lord, for all of our new mercies this week. I refuse to miss seeing YOU and your heart for us in the little moments of life:

    The Moberg version of Saturday morning cartoons…

    “How did the deer cross the road?” “By using the crosswalk, of course!!”

    Spaghetti Squash Chefs!

    Homeschool Space Tinkering Day…we made instruments and learned about Space with Quinn and Kari!

    A preschool Mother’s Day tea with my boy who was the first to let me be a mother full-time. Thank you, Lord, for this little miracle of a man.

    Mother’s Day…with my kids and my Mama in beautiful Colorado!

    And last, but not least. Elliott’s hunger for reading is just exploding. He’s reading so much!! He and Brian read the Bible every night and a couple of weeks ago he just started sounding out the books of the bible. So Brian went through them with him and the rest is history. Check out our little man!!

     

     

     

    Your turn. What new mercies has God given you this week?

  • New Mercies Monday

    New Mercies Monday

    When I shut down my facebook account over a year ago now, I made a mental note to blog more often. And well, that didn’t really happen :). My zeal for writing and recording in this virtual scrapbook here has somewhat windled down to birthdays and holidays. Most of that, quite honestly, is that I’m so tired in my spirit. It’s been an incredibly weary-ing few years in many aspects and when I look in the mirror, all I see is tired. 

    Virtually every night before bed, Selah asks if we can sing, “Great is Thy Faithfulness.” It is the song that I listened to on repeat in the weeks and months leading up to her birth and the song I played over and over while in labor with her. It’s the song that steadies my fears. He is faithful. Always. Every day.

     …Remember my affliction and roaming, The wormwood and the gall. My soul still remembers And sinks within me. This I recall to my mind, Therefore I have hope. Through the LORD’s mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. “The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, “Therefore I hope in Him!” The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, To the soul who seeks Him. … Though He causes grief, Yet He will show compassion according to the multitude of His mercies. [Lam 3:19-25, 32]

    The beginning part of the chapter is much of how I have felt these last few years, but…BUT. I recall to mind, constantly, that His mercies are new every morning. Selah reminds me daily. (Of course she does–that is what her name means!) I am so thankful for her reminder to make me stop and think about how great God is and to meditate upon his mercies. Last night I asked her to tell me what had blessed her about the day and she rattled off a list several minutes long of all the things she was thankful for. She finished, smiled, looked at me, and returned the question: “What are YOU thankful for, Mommy?” My heart is abundantly blessed by who she is.

    And so…this little series is born. New Mercies Monday. Rather than devoting the start of my week to simply meal planning, grocery shopping, cleaning and laundry, I want to devote them to Selah-ing. To stopping, to pausing my to-do list, and to meditating on the new mercies that God has poured out to us in the previous week. Because, He is worthy to praised. I am so grateful throughout the week for the ways the Lord has lavished us, but sometimes, you just gotta testify! Can I get an amen?!

    Monday: An afternoon in Denver with Elizabeth and her darling crew. Elizabeth, my gentle-spirited, wise, like-minded friend. So thankful she is in my life.

    Popcorn and play time!

    Tuesday: Sometimes I see so much of myself in my kids, and it tickles me to my core. This particular day, I saw me in my dear Selah when she asked me to tape the broken arm back onto this (ancient) Playmobile man. (Have you read the Gecko story? Well, if not…take a peek. I re-read it today and was majorly encouraged!)

    All taped up and all better!

    Wednesday: “A day at the zoo with Kari and Quinn is like a milkshake to your soul.” (Have you read that verse in Proverbs? It’s true.) So ridiculously blessed that we get to do life together, even if we do live 30 minutes apart.

    The zoo was epic. We hugged a (fake) giraffe, fed and pet (real) giraffes, fed the birds, pet a pony, climbed a (fake) elephant, watched a (real) elephant take a bath, rode the carousel, played at the playground, watched the lion cubs frolic and wrestle…all with the wonderful company of our dear friends!

    And so of course we ended the day with milkshakes!

    Thursday: Lull in the week=Let’s try a new pizza place! Have you tried it? MOD pizza? I guess it started in Seattle. It was fun! And had very yummy pizza :).

    Pizza Pizza!!

    Friday: My parents had us over for dinner (which is always a bonus!) along with another family and I made a new friend!

    Saturday: Blizzard! Family snow day.

    Sunday: So encouraged by the Word of God and the parsing of Scripture with other believers at church, who challenge all of us to live according to what it says.

     Want a bonus?

    These are from the previous week but I just couldn’t help but add them here after sorting through the pics on my phone…

    **The kids BEG to help me in the kitchen preparing meals. A couple of months ago I taught Elliott how to slice up some zucchini for dinner and Selah has been pleading with me to let her try. That day was the day. She was in heaven…just look at that face!! So thankful for children who are eager to serve and help.

    I snapped this photo and then set my phone down quickly so I could helicopter her cutting!! (Yes, I just made “helicopter” a verb all right!!)

    **I just adore this picture…it cracks me up!!!

    A hot chocolate date with the kids!

    Well there you have it! God’s new mercies on us this past week. This may take on a different form and may not be every week…who knows!

    How about YOU? What mercies were new to you this past week? Will you join me in testifying??

  • Love Comes From God

    There I was…on the bathroom floor…desperate for my son’s heart to change.

    We had just had 20 minutes that made me want to clench my fists and jump up and down and throw an honest-to-goodness 2 year old tantrum. I have been praying more than ever lately for my children to have wisdom (more on that one day soon), because the amount of foolishness that has been prevalent in our home by my dear 3 year old has been…what can I say…MIND-BOGGLING.

    Tonight, after pulling one of his routine foolish antics, I knelt down in front of him as he attempted to put his poops in the potty. Picture it: me, kneeling on our, ahem, “well-loved,” bathroom floor while my strained-face pooping 3 year old looked at me with red eyes. “Buddy…” I pleaded, tears in my own eyes. “Buddy…why, oh WHY, are you being so foolish?”

    We’ve just been over this particular scenario 41 billion trillion quadrillion times, and sometimes–I will be honest–I resort to this…kneeling on a bathroom floor and pleading with my pooping child. I’m still not sure if that’s better or worse than throwing a tantrum. I’ve been in Proverbs a lot lately, and you just can’t read Proverbs without begging God to save you and your children from the folly of foolishness. You can’t read Proverbs without begging God to soften your heart and your children’s hearts to love wisdom and not despise it. You can’t read Proverbs without begging God to keep you and your children from returning to your/their own vomit. Isn’t it true?

    We had just come from our church’s little community group, where at some point we ended up discussing how when children are asked why their parents love them, they usually respond with works-based answers, such as, “Because I’m good at art” or “Because I obey” or things of the sort. This, of course, is so opposed to the heart of the gospel, which relieves us from the burden of works-based righteousness. We are made righteous because of who Jesus is, and nothing of ourselves. I had Ephesians 2:8 (“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith, and this not from ourselves–it is a gift from God”) memorized as a child, but I did not truly understand the essence of this verse and the gospel until I was an adult. And it is still a battle each day to remember and understand and believe.

    Oh, how I long for my kids to know God’s love for them.

    Oh, oh, oh…oh, I long for my kids to understand that God’s love is unconditional. That we love because He first loved us. That we cannot attain His favor or love by our works, but only because of Jesus.

    I wrestle with this truth and understanding in my own life, but I fight hard each day to understand it because a.) my soul needs to understand it and b.) I can’t teach them what I don’t understand.

    Daily, by faith, one of the ways I try to teach them the little I do understand of His love is by showing them and telling them constantly how much I love them. Simply because they are mine. Simply because they are made in God’s image. Simply because they are eternal beings that matter. To me, and to God. Oh, how I long for my kids to understand love.

    So…back to community group (or “moony toop” as Selah calls it). As soon as I heard that question being discussed, I made a mental note to talk to the kids about works-based righteousness. Though we talk about the gospel frequently, I wanted to start directly teaching them about unconditional love. Just then, Brian leaned over and whispered, “We’ve got to ask our kids that question when we get home.” We were thinking the same thing. We had never thought to ask them such a question and we really had no idea how they would answer.

    Which brings us…home. Remember where we started? Me, kneeling on the bathroom floor?

    I put Selah to bed with such an anxiety in my spirit over the state of my son’s foolish heart. I was talking to Selah, telling her the gospel once again and reminding her why we can forgive our friend who had hurt her that night–only because of Jesus. Only because Jesus forgave us first. Only because Jesus forgave us while we were still sinners. And all in the back of my head I’m begging the Lord to change my son’s heart to be one who loves wisdom and not folly.

    I shut Selah’s door, and wanted to cry. But then I heard Brian’s voice…

    “Mommy…? Will you come here for a minute? Elliott has something to tell you…”

    I braced myself for the somewhat typical half-hearted apology from Elliott, and begged the Lord to give me the grace to truly forgive him and truly have hope for his soul. But instead…I got this:

    “My son, tell Mommy why Daddy and Mommy love you.”

    Elliott responded with a big smile on his face, “Because Jesus said, ‘Love one another.’ John 15:12.”

    I was a little confused…I figured Brian must have done a little lesson on the question we had wanted to ask him, in light of his disobedience. I thought it was sort of an odd way to teach Elliott the “answer” to that question, but I was just trying to go with it…until Brian relayed the whole story to me, with our sweet Elliott in his arms.

    “I asked Elliott why Mommy and Daddy love him, and he told me, ‘Because God tells us to.’ I asked if he could think of anything else…any other reasons why we love him. And he responded by saying, ‘Jesus said, ‘Love one another.’ John 15:12′.”

    Mind boggled to mind BLOWN.

    I broke down into a puddle of tears. I think Elliott’s starting to recognize my “good crying” (ha!) because he just beamed ear-to-ear with pride as my lip quivered and the tears flowed down my face.

    Our 3 year old son responded to the question of why we love him with a Scripture. With a Scripture about the fact that our love comes from God. And, for full disclosure here: I haven’t taught him that Scripture. It was a verse he memorized at preschool.

    And so without my help, or instruction, the Holy Spirit has been working in his heart on this conceptthat love comes from God. That we love because God tells us to. (Remember my revelation that God doesn’t tell us our parenting techniques will not come back void, but that THE WORD will not come back voidWhat a sweet and gentle reminder from the Lord on a night that my faith had dwindled…)

    Oh, there is still, obviously, so much to learn and so much to teach. But the fact that our son has grasped the idea that we love him because of God is the nugget of grace and hope I needed tonight.

    Fellow mamas, let’s teach the Word diligently and faithfully in  our homes, pray like crazy as we do, and trust that God will plant the truths in our children’s souls.

    Lord, I’m praying for my friends tonight, and I’m praying especially for all the mommies out there who, like me, struggle to understand that your love is unconditional. Teach us, Lord. Show us, Lord. Help us understand the gospel and give us the grace and perseverance to teach our children the gospel. Lord, help us understand your love so that we can love our kids unconditionally. Lord, strengthen our weary souls, as we love and pour out and teach and train tirelessly and endlessly…and teach us how to do it in your strength. Teach us how to pray. Amen.

     

  • Scripture Summer!

    I’ll never forget the moment that, after weeks of battling the same problem with Elliott, I had a massive revelation.

    “The Scripture doesn’t say that my parenting techniques will not come back void…it says, ‘The WORD will not come back void.’” (Isaiah 55:11)

    I don’t know how I got two years into the whole parenting thing without ever having that thought occur to me, but it was profound for me, and surely an act of mercy from the Lord.

    Elliott had (for the most part) been an incredibly kind and loving big brother towards Selah her entire 7 months of existence. But somehow, right around after he turned 2, he began experimenting with some behaviors towards her; as in, “What will happen if I kick her in the head as hard possible?”

    Clearly, clearly…NOT OKAY.

    She had JUST started pulling up onto furniture, and she loved being close by Elliott. So many times when he was sitting in his chair eating a meal or a snack, she would crawl over, pull herself up onto the chair, and he would kick her little head until she fell over.

    We were at a loss. We had tried everything, and he wasn’t changing. If you know me, you know I have quite a bit of patience towards my kids regarding character development issues…I just recognize that many, many things will probably take YEARS for them to have true heart-change in. But, BUT…this particular issue needed to change IMMEDIATELY.

    But, I’m not going to talk about exactly how he changed, because my point is something far more important: that THE WORD OF GOD WILL NOT COME BACK VOID. 

    Another “incident” had just occurred and I remember kneeling on the ground, holding Elliott gently by his shoulders and pleading with him to stop, using words like “being nice” and “that’s not nice” and etc., etc. I had just taught the Kids Church lesson a few hours earlier to Elliott and all of his little buddies and it was about the good Samaritan. I suddenly paused and that’s when the revelation hit me: Why am I using such “powerless” words, when I could be speaking the very words of Life, that are promised to return in power.

    EVERYTHING changed about my speech that day. No longer do I tell Elliott to do things “because I said so” or “because it’s the ‘right’ thing to do”…but I am teaching him to act according to God’s Word. It is THE ONLY thing that will not return void.

    This is our heart for our children:

    9 For this reason we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding; 10 that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing [Him], being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; 11 strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, for all patience and longsuffering with joy; 12 giving thanks to the Father who has qualified us to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in the light. 13 He has delivered us from the power of darkness and conveyed [us] into the kingdom of the Son of His love, 14 in whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins. 15 He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. 16 For by Him all things were created that are in heaven and that are on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers. All things were created through Him and for Him. 17 And He is before all things, and in Him all things consist. 18 And He is the head of the body, the church, who is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in all things He may have the preeminence. 19 For it pleased [the Father that] in Him all the fullness should dwell, 20 and by Him to reconcile all things to Himself, by Him, whether things on earth or things in heaven, having made peace through the blood of His cross. … 27 To them God willed to make known what are the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles: which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. 28 Him we preach, warning every man and teaching every man in all wisdom, that we may present every man perfect in Christ Jesus. 29 To this [end] I also labor, striving according to His working which works in me mightily. [Col 1:9-20, 27-29 NKJV]

    Yes, we MUST teach our children that ALL things were created through Him and for Him. And He is before all things, and in Him all things consist. Our children must form their worldviews around this Truth. And so they MUST know the Scriptures, and how THE SCRIPTURES should shape their thinking and their actions. This is a great endeavor, obviously, that will take a lifetime to begin to teach, but I am amazed at how much it has pressed ME to know the Word more, because I need to have a specific answer on my tongue! I need to be able to teach them what God says about the generous person when they are confronted with sharing issues. I need to be able to recite by memory what God says will happen when they obey their parents when we have a moment (or a hundred) of defiance in a day. I need to be able to tell them what Jesus said about love when they are not treating each other lovingly. I must know what He says, so they will know what He says. There was a season where I taught the kids a Proverb a day and it was so helpful for ME. I read one chapter a day, picked one verse from that chapter, wrote it up on the white board in our playroom, and taught it to them first thing in the morning. It’s amazing how many Proverbs are the solution to almost every conflict between the kids :).

    I was struck by the simplicity of Romans 12 as a concise “handbook” for (some of) the ways of the Lord a few months ago, and decided I wanted to memorize a chunk of the chapter with the kids over the Summer. My goal was 13 verses, and we got through 6, which I was very pleased with :). We started out with Psalm 128:1 (“Blessed are those who fear the Lord, who walk in His ways.”), and I prefaced the whole series by talking about how we must understand that God says we will be blessed when we walk in His ways, and it is of utmost importance that we regard Him with utter holiness, with complete resolve that He is THE WAY. Then we went on to learn about what some of those “ways” are by memorizing Romans 12: 9-13.

    9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality. [Rom 12:9-13 NIV]

    It was SO HELPFUL in my daily parenting, because not only did I have specific (powerful!) language (that won’t return void!!!!) to use with the kids during conflicts and disrespect, but because it helped form my prayers. Many times throughout the day, my prayer is, “Oh, dear, Lord. Have mercy.” (Anyone else have prayers like that during the day??)  But when I am focusing on a specific Scripture a day or a week, my prayers are filled with more vision and more faith. “Oh, Lord…please turn Elliott’s heart to TRULY honor his sister above himself.”

    Since we’ve entered the “3s,” whining has been one of our biggest battles. I will admit, when I am SO worn out from the constant whining, I usually just look at Elliott with pleading eyes and beg, “You’re killing me. You’ve GOT to stop whining!!” Hmm, as you can imagine, not the most effective or mature parenting technique :). So I was SUPER excited when we hit the verse that tells us we are never to be lacking in zeal. Finally, I had biblical language to tackle this whining monster. I did lots of role plays with him and we acted out what it looks like to be lacking in zeal and what it looks like to keep our spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Oh, my, did it help, thanks to the grace of God!!! The monster FOR SURE still rears its ugly head daily, but Elliott’s taken a lot of ground.

    So, my mama friends–I wanted to share the Scripture verse cards that I made in case you’d like to use them! (Why reinvent the wheel?!) We worked on one verse a week, and usually by the end of the day or at least by day 2, Elliott had each one memorized. Selah (at almost 2) runs around singing, “Walk in His ways!!” which I LOVE. Yes, my dear, that’s exactly right…let’s be devoted to walking in His ways.

    Click on the picture below to download all 6 verse cards!

    Blog Pic
    Verse Cards

    Want to do this with your kids but not a “natural” teacher?

    YOU CAN DO THIS!!! I promise!!! Here are 6 simple tips for you:

    1. Read the Word and allow the Lord to STIR YOU!

    If you are excited, they will be excited, too. If you know me, you know this comes awfully naturally to me–you KNOW that if something has changed my life, I will tell you about it so it can change yours, too!! 🙂 More often than not, I have taught my kids a new verse just because I was reading the Word and was so stirred I couldn’t help but share it with them. Even if we don’t do an entire “lesson” on the verse and memorize it, I trust that it’s being deposited in their hearts. When this happens, I call them over and say, “Kids! Come listen to this!!!! Listen to what God promises us!!!” So, this may go without saying, but when God has stirred YOUR heart with His Word, that is the first step for your childrens’ hearts to be stirred as well. When they see YOU moved by His word, it shows them practically what a changed heart really looks like.

    2. Call your kids over to come sit down and learn the Word of God!

    If you have carpet squares or one piece of paper for each child or a chair for each child or SOMETHING the kids can sit on so they know their job is to sit and listen, that is VERY helpful.

    3. Songs, Visuals, examples and role-plays are helpful!

    I always try to have my bible with me so they can really SEE that everything I’m teaching them comes straight from the Word of God. (I remember getting to college and re-reading the bible with new eyes, and being SHOCKED at how much Scripture I knew from songs, liturgy, etc, that I hadn’t realized was SCRIPTURE! Isn’t that crazy?! But it held a WEIGHTINESS to it once I found out it was THE LIVING WORD OF GOD versus just some lyrics to a song that a writer scribbled on a piece of paper. It is SO important to me that my kids understand that the things I say and the rules I give them come from GOD, not just my own good ideas.) Even when I have a verse card printed out, I read the verse out of my bible first. Then, I show them the verse card and talk through each word/phrase with them, pointing out how the pictures show the meaning of the words. We then hang it up where they can see it.

    Our six verses, all in a row.

    My kids are YOUNG (almost 2 and 3) so I need to use lots of visual and acting to help them understand the meaning of each verse. Obviously, the older your kids are, the less visuals and acting you will need, but these things are still VERY useful for teaching ALL kids how to really APPLY Scripture to their daily lives.

    Here’s an example:

    Verse: Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.

    What I said: Okay, kids, listen to what God says: “Love must be SINCERE.” Can you say “sincere?” Sincere means really, really, really MEANING what you do. So if you ask me to play with the toy I’m playing with and I say, “Fine! Take it!! Hmmph!!!” and throw the toy at you, I did the “right” thing, but I wasn’t loving you like God defines love. My love wasn’t sincere. Now if you ask me to play with a toy I’m playing with, and my heart really DOES want you to have the joy of playing with it, too, then my heart sincerely wants to love you. In that case, I could say, “Oh! You want to play with it, too?! Sure!!” That means my love was sincere, and that means I am walking in God’s ways.

    Since my kids are so little, I keep the “lesson” to less than 5 minutes long. I had to break the initial teaching of this verse up into two days since the idea of “sincere love” was complex enough to fill 5 minutes. The next day we talked a lot about what evil is, and what it means to run away from it (lots of funny role plays!!) and what it means to CLING to something that is good.

    SING!!!! How much easier is it to remember something when it’s put to music??!! I hope you know about Seeds Family Worship…they are AWESOME. They sing Scriptures! We have listened to “The Good Song” probably hundreds of times: “Blessed are those who fear the Lord, who walk in His ways!” The kids and I often worship together, singing at the top of our lungs, dancing around our living room, sometimes with instruments in hands. I love worshiping the Lord with my kids!!!

    4. Teach it on day 1 (and sometimes day 2) and then use the language of the Scripture as often as you can throughout the week (and forever!).

    I only had the kids “sit” for a “lesson” on the days that I initially introduced the verse and its meaning, which took 1-2 days. Then, the “teaching” of it was much more “organic” throughout the week in that I would point out how that Scripture occurred throughout our day. Anytime the kids do something according to the Scripture I am sure to point it out to them. “Oh, Elliott! The way you just shared that toy with Selah was truly sincere love! Thank you for loving her so sincerely! That blesses God and it blesses me!! How does your heart feel when you see how blessed Selah is?! Isn’t it awesome to walk in God’s ways??!!”

    Or, if they were having a hard time, I would use the same biblical language with them. The MOST often used one this Summer has been: “Oh, buddy…are you devoted to Selah in love right now? Are you making sure that you are honoring her above yourself?”

    It’s SO HELPFUL for them to see how the Word is in all things and before all things…they need to understand how Scripture is RELEVANT to their daily lives and actions, and they need to SEE how to apply it. Like I said earlier, this will take a lifetime, so we’d best start early!! 🙂

    We would say our verses together every time we were driving or sometimes when we were sitting and playing and we would always tell Daddy when he got home from work what our verse of the week was. This is actually Elliott’s favorite verse and I catch him ALL the time saying, “Hate what is evil, cling to what is good.” YES!!

    5. Always, in everything, teach them about Christ

    There is no sense in teaching any of these things without also teaching the Gospel. Our children must understand that it is only by the grace of God that we can escape sin, thanks to Jesus Christ. We have worked hard on this with Elliott. I’ll never forget one day that I looked at him and said, “Elliott, you are the only one who can choose to obey. You’ve got to do this. You’ve got to choose to obey!” And before I had barely finished talking, he interrupted me and said, “NO!! Jesus and GOD help me obey!!” I remember taking a deep breath, realizing that my frustration had gotten the better of me, and told him, “Buddy, you are right. Let’s pray together. We BOTH need the Lord’s help to obey Him.”

    6. PRAY, never-ceasingly

    The moment I knew I had to start training, teaching, and disciplining Elliott (long before he was 1), I have been faithfully praying for HIS HEART to turn towards obedience to God. The LAST THING IN THE WORLD we want are children who “do what the bible says” but do not really LOVE God. Scripture is so clear: When we love God, we obey His commands. Children are so tricky because we must teach them to obey (“…train your child in the way he should go…”) long before they have a sincere love for God. But I am faithful to pray for their hearts to turn EVERY time I teach, train or discipline. Because it’s not ME that’s going to turn their hearts to love the Lord; it’s the Holy Spirit. So, I would exhort you: Never teach without praying. Always pray as you teach.

    Remember the verse from above: For this reason we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding; 10 that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing [Him], being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God…

    KEEP ON KEEPING ON, MAMAS!!!! May the Lord fill you with STRENGTH!!! And FAITH!!!! May YOU, by the grace of God, never be lacking in zeal but keep your spiritual fervor as you serve your children and in doing so, are serving the Lord!!!!!

     

  • Life, Loss and Celebration

    I have always been that person who has wanted to wait until it was “safe” to tell people about our pregnancies. I will tell the very, very closest, those safest to my heart right away, but I will wait to tell the rest. I have called this “my safety zone.” I’ve never been a big fan of grieving while “the masses” looked on and this was my way of making sure I didn’t have to. We’ve always waited until we’ve seen an ultra sound, made sure that baby was in the right place, and made sure there was a heart beating strongly. I know, according to the books, you’re not out of the “danger” window until around 12-13 weeks, but since I get so sick during my pregnancies–and everyone has always told me that as long as you are sick, you KNOW the baby is okay–I have figured we were “safe” once we saw that heartbeat and as long as I was still throwing up. As much as I don’t enjoy vomiting every day, it’s been a comfort to me with each of my pregnancies. With each heave, I take comfort in the “fact” that my baby is growing well.

    One of my initial thoughts after we lost the baby was, “Oh, no…my plan of waiting until it was “safe” didn’t work! We’ve told EVERYONE…Oooooohhhhh noooooooo…..” Total and absolute dread followed at the thought of having to tell the world the terrible news. Shame for celebrating our baby consumed me. And I immediately began changing my “safety zone” in my head: “Next time, I’ll wait until 13 weeks! Oh wait, I have friends who have lost babies even after 13 weeks. That’s still not safe. Okay, I’ll wait until 20 weeks! That will keep me safe! Oh, wait….I have very good friends who have lost babies after 20 weeks. That WON’T keep me safe. I’ve got it! I’ll wait until my due date to tell the world!! Oh…wait…I know that even women who carry babies full term give birth to stillborn babies…”

    I played out various scenarios in my head–like, waiting until my next child’s first birthday to share the news with the world. But I knew, in reality, that even THEN I wouldn’t be “safe.”

    I know I have only one choice that is “safe.” And I know exactly what that choice is…so, daily, I drop my tense shoulders…I let down my walls, I lift up my head, and I let the Lord IN…I set my terrified eyes on HIM. I lock my weeping heart on HIM. Because I know…that in Him, and Him alone, will I find safety…will I find shelter…will I find refuge…in the shadow of His wings, I am safe.

    The Lord has had me on this journey of learning what it means to TRULY rely on Him, and Him alone, for years, but he has had His thumb on this issue very strongly for the last 2 1/2 or so. And I will be honest, I thought I was mostly done. I mean, come on, at least at 90% or so… But my tendency to want to find safety in statistics, in the past, in others’ stories, in science, in ANYTHING other than the Lord has reared its fierce head boldly since we lost our baby.

    When tragedy occurs, we all just want to be safe. We all just want OUT of it. We all just want to have control over SOMETHING that will secure in our hearts and minds that we won’t ever meet tragedy again. I have wanted, desperately, to find something seemingly-safe to cling to. I have wanted to cling to the statistics to assure me that this will never happen again. I have wanted to cling to the fact that I have two of the most incredible children on the planet to assure me that, of course, I will get pregnant again and carry another baby full term. I have wanted to cling to the stories of my friends, who have lost babies and gone on to have more. But even as I have begun to put my hands on each of those “securities,” I knew instantly that my fingers would never be able to take a grip on them. They are too slippery, too unsubstantial, too meaningless. And now, I can’t even hope in my nausea. I won’t even “know” that my baby is okay because I am throwing up. Because that’s not true. Those statistics, those stories, my children…they are all great encouragements to me; they do give me hope to some degree. But they are not MY HOPE. They cannot be the places my eyes are set.

    God holds life in His hands. 

    That’s it. That’s the end of the story. I can focus on my health, I can time whatever I want to, but GOD HOLDS LIFE IN HIS HANDS. 

    I can read, I can plan, I can study, I can take the perfect prenatal vitamins, but it is my GOD who holds my babies’ lives in His hands.

    No king is saved by the multitude of an army; A mighty man is not delivered by great strength. A horse is a vain hope for safety; Neither shall it deliver any by its great strength. Behold, the eye of the LORD is on those who fear Him, On those who hope in His mercy, To deliver their soul from death, And to keep them alive in famine. Our soul waits for the LORD; He is our help and our shield. For our heart shall rejoice in Him, Because we have trusted in His holy name. Let Your mercy, O LORD, be upon us, Just as we hope in You. [Psa 33:14-22 NKJV]

    I hope in THE LORD…not the “safety zone” of pregnancies, not the nausea, not the statistics, not the past. My hope, my trust, is in the LORD.

    And so, my perspective has changed entirely. You know, I will never get to have a baby shower to celebrate the life of my third baby. I will never get to plan his or hers first, second, or third birthday party. I had 2 months, once we found out we were pregnant, to celebrate my baby’s life. And you know what? I DID. WE did.

    We rejoiced over our baby’s life!!

    Oh, how we REJOICED over this little one in our family!! And I have no regrets. It was NOT a waste that we celebrated, despite what fear wants to tell me! I am so grateful that we did. I am so grateful for our friends and family who wholeheartedly celebrated with us!! I am so grateful that we took pictures, made a (virtual) announcement, and didn’t withhold our great news until it was “safe.” I am so thankful we didn’t miss out on our short window to celebrate the life of our littlest love. We made A LIFE, and we celebrated that life wholeheartedly. THANK GOD.

    All three of our children :).

    I was a bit taken aback, honestly, by the sympathy that came from “the masses” towards us. I didn’t think I wanted it or needed it, but I was so blessed by the way MANY came around us when they found out we had lost our baby. If you are reading this now, you are probably one of the people who did that, and I want to tell you how grateful I am for your love and your care. We live in hard times, where the lives of babies inside wombs are not valued as they should be, and yet you valued our baby’s life and then grieved with us when that life was gone. Thank you.

    It’s just that I LOVE to celebrate, and I can’t believe I almost let that part of me be stolen. I’m sure I was created to celebrate. Jesus loved to celebrate too, you know! He loved weddings, right??!! 🙂 I love throwing showers, I love finding excuses to make a fun gift for someone, I LOVE IT ALL. And it’s because I love LIFE. I love people, and I love life. It brings ME to life when I get to celebrate others. Weddings are MMYYYY FAAAAVORITE….not because I love details and coordinating colors and themes and parties in and of themselves, but because I love TO TRULY CELEBRATE the fact that two people have chosen to lay their lives down for each other and become one before God and their closest friends!! That is a day to be CELEBRATED!! BIG TIME!!! Does celebration always have to look like a well-planned out party or gift? Oh, of course not. But HOW FUN to go ALL OUT and NOT WITHHOLD A THING to celebrate someone or something like CRAZY. I LOVE to celebrate LIFE.

    I never want to quit celebrating. I never, ever want to quit celebrating LIFE. I never want to celebrate only when it’s “safe.” I want to be wholehearted and, like the woman many of us strive to be like, I so desperately want to “laugh at the days to come” and not fear them (Proverbs 31). It feels ridiculously scary, still, to think about (whenever that day comes) celebrating our next pregnancy boldly. So, so scary. And I have no expectations on us for when the “right time” will be to share. But, I do know this: without faith it is impossible to please Him, and my safety lies in Him…FAITH in HIM. And I want that truth to always drive our celebration, whether we share at 4, 10, 13, or 20 weeks next time.

    Some trust in chariots, and some in horses; But we will remember the name of the LORD our God. They have bowed down and fallen; But we have risen and stand upright. Save, LORD! May the King answer us when we call. [Psa 20:1-9 NKJV]

    WE HOPE, with all our hearts, that we will have another baby one day. But we will not hope in the fact that the statistics say we should or shouldn’t…If God grants us the blessing of another child to care for and raise here on earth, then it is solely by His mercy. Some trust in statistics; But we will remember the name of the LORD our God. We hope in the LORD. And though it feels so scary, I am promised that when I trust in His name, I will NOT be overcome by fear, but instead I will rise and stand upright. Praise be to God!!

    Oh, Lord. Give me the strength, the hope, the faith to celebrate LIFE, even when it feels so scary. Give me the faith to trust solely in You, the One who holds life in His hands. Amen.