I honestly can’t believe it. How on earth did my teeny tiny just-over-8-pounds baby girl turn into 15 pounds, 26 inches of a little person?!? Selah grew up this month. No, I don’t just mean that she grew…I mean, she grew up.
Selah is starting to feel like a contributing part of our family. I don’t know if that makes sense…she’s just become so aware of Elliott this last month, and loves to smile and giggle back at him. She watches him as he goes back and forth in a room, turning her head completely over her shoulder to see where he’s going. And as soon as he comes near, she laughs and laughs. She adores him.
Just after her 4 month birthday, Brian set her on her back and when he came back into the room she was on her tummy. So although she clearly must have known how to do it, we still had never seen her roll from her back to her tummy until February 19! She did it then, and then over and over and over again that day until she was a pro. Now, we set her on her back and she instantly and quickly rolls to her tummy. I think it’s because she loves to PLAY! She loves to have a good view of what’s going on in the world, what on earth her big brother is up to, and which toys are within her grasp. She loves tucking her knees under her…looks like she’s gearing up to learn how to crawl!
In other news this month, Selah has decided to boycott napping. (And, seriously, if anyone reading this and has ANY ideas for me, I am game!!!) She had conquered the 45 minute intruder and was taking three 2-3 hour naps a day, and then one day she JUST STOPPED. She goes right to sleep when I put her down, but wakes up at 45 minutes and giggles, chats, and plays for 45-60 minutes until she falls asleep again. And you must believe me when I say I’ve tried EV.ER.Y.THING to fix this little pattern. Longer awake times, shorter awake times, dark room, noise machine, cooler jammies, warmer jammies, swaddled, loosely swaddled, dancing on my head and spinning around 4 and a half times while wearing the color blue and singing lullabies backwards…and NOTH.ING. WORKS. Apparently it’s common to have sleep problems between 4-6 months, but we never went through this with little man. She’s still sleeping amazingly through the night, so I suppose I should pick my battles :).
I think she just really likes to play! I should get her a shirt that says, “Life is too short to take naps. Play hard.” 🙂 As soon as light creeps into the room when I open the door to get her from a “nap”, she starts kicking her legs super fast and giggling and laughing. It is the cutest thing ever. And as soon as she sees us in the mirror, she just gets the biggest grin on her face. I love it. I love her.
Doesn’t quite capture how big she usually smiles, but you get the idea :).
Here are some memories and milestones from her last month of life:
She LOVED her first valentine’s day (as I’m sure you’ve guessed as I’ve used pictures from it on all of my latest posts…) 🙂
She loves grabbing faces…
“Got you, Mama!”
So, Selah has always had an incredible fascination with the outlet/plug above her changing table. I don’t know what it is, but she will arch her back and crink her neck so she can have the best view possible of it.
“Woooowww!!!”
She loves playing with all the new toys Elliott brings her.
“A singing dog? You’re kidding me!”Elliott strategically places the football where she can play with it and then runs to get another ball… This is how she watches him all day long… Be still my heart.“What do I do with this, Elliott? Eat it? It sure looks yummy!”“No, Day-duh! Let me show you how to play with a football…” (Um, P.S. Favorite-picture-of-all-time alert! I love Elliott’s tenderness in this photo and Selah’s eagerness…”
She loves chatting with her big bro!
“You see, Selah, it’s like this…”“Wait! Come back! I need you to explain it to me again!”
She still loves her tongue…and polka dots!
“Thanks, Auntie Julie for my cute onesie! I finally fit into it! I picked out this bow to wear with it because Mommy told me I can never have enough polka dots!”
The thing to do this month is chew on her finger. This finger hardly ever leaves her mouth…
“Is this where my first tooth will come in?”
The weather has been beautiful here, and was in the mid-80s on the first day of March. Perfect opportunity to bust out this outfit from Aunt Danielle.
BUTT seriously, how cute is this outfit?“Mom, this hat is my new favorite.”“…along with this finger.”“…and this teething toy…”
Selah has started a little “comfort” habit of sucking the bottom of her lip. I think it is painfully cute…for some reason it just melts my heart into a puddle when she does it.
The eyes. The lip. The boots.
Selah will sit for a few seconds unsupported, but still does better holding on while sitting up.
The lip thing. So cute.She can sit up enough to finally play with the cool toy that Grandma and Grandpa Moberg got her for Christmas!
But she still prefers standing to sitting…when we stand her up she just laughs and giggles.
“Mama, now that I can stand so well, will you get me a pair of skinny jeans that fit me a little better?”
The way to get her to giggle is to lift her high above your head, drop her down, and nuzzle your head into her chest…she just loves it.
Not the best picture, but you get the idea :).
I’ve gotten her to laugh SO HARD by doing this…we haven’t caught her best laugh on video yet, but you get the idea…
Selah Bethany, you are the most perfect addition to our family! We love watching you grow and we love every day that you teach us more about who you are!
Thoughts on life and love, now that pink has invaded my world…
Selah. I have a daughter and her name is Selah. She is real, a fact that I have to remind myself of every time I pick her up and see her bright blue eyes twinkling back at me behind those mile-long lashes. She is real, she is healthy, and she is mine. She is the most perfect, beautiful, delightful bundle of pink joy that ever existed. I get to hold her, change her, feed her, swaddle her, re-swaddle her, bathe her, sing to her, and put her in bows…I get to see each of her milestones first hand and ooh and ahh at each one. I get to be the recipient of her contagious smiles that wiggle through her entire body, beginning with her toes and exploding through her mouth. I get to tell her how proud I am of her throughout every day and tell her how much I love her and tell her how much she fills my life with joy. I get to kiss her chubby cheeks over and over and over again until she giggles and squeals with delight…
Pink explosion
Elliott. I say to him daily, “You simply make my heart swell with joy.” I don’t know how else to describe it…I love learning more every day about what makes Elliott Elliott. I love watching him approach a problem and seeing the solution he comes up with to fix it. I love telling him how creative he is when he thinks of a new way to build a lego tower or play with his toys. I love how, 8 months later, he is still pointing to the one toy bin that’s missing a label and reminding me that it’s an, “Uh-oh!!” I love that he loves to drink water and ensures that everyone around him drinks theirs, too. I love that he picks out the letter, “E” everywhere, and points at it like he’s found gold, saying, “A-ee-et!!!” (That is, to say, “Elliott!”) I am just so proud of him. I am so proud of his heart. I am so proud of every time he obeys and my heart is so expectant in those times that he doesn’t. Because he always comes around. He always ends up with a soft heart that delights in helping our family be the best it can be. He delights in serving. He delights in having a purpose in our family. He thrives when we beam with pride over him. And I just couldn’t possibly be more proud of him. Of who he is and who he is becoming. Of how he has allowed his will to be bent and shaped by his parents’ careful, thoughtful instruction and, ultimately, by God’s hand.
All boy.
Selah and Elliott are different. I knew they would be. (Yes, yes…I know…a biology textbook could have clued me in to that insight…) But when you are head-over-heels in love with your firstborn, it’s difficult to imagine how your heart could possibly expand to fit any more love in there. And with your first, everything is new…you just sit back and watch this little miracle GROW…and it’s just that–a miracle. You can’t believe that your baby will just intrinsically know how to grow… “How will he know how to roll over? Do I need to teach him that? Will he ever learn to sit up? Is it normal to see his heart beating through that hole in the top of his head? Will that thing ever close up??? Ooh! I see a tooth coming in! Wait, is it coming into the right spot? Shouldn’t he be crawling by now? What if he never crawls??” How can I even describe the shock and awe that took place each time Elliott hit a new benchmark…it’s just miraculous…As a new mom, you get to watch these miracles occur before your very eyes… And it’s true–miracles never get old. There is still such an abundance of joy and such an excitement with each new milestone Selah reaches… “She smiled at me! Again!! She giggled today! She rolled over!!! She moved her left little pinkie toe three times while she was clasping her hands and I just KNOW she’s trying to tell me she loves me!!” But nonetheless, it’s different. You don’t want to compare your children, but how can you not? The first is all you know.
It’s like this. It’s like you’ve been eating homemade, fresh-baked strawberry shortcake all your life. Your mouth waters as the dessert hour approaches and you think about licking the remnants of the batter out of the bowl before popping the drops of sugary dough into the oven. After 12 minutes (or less, if you can sneak it out of the oven early before your husband notices) of fired glory, you carefully pull the lightly-dusted-with-golden-brown cakes out of the oven and quickly smother yours with fresh, sweet, sliced, bright red strawberries. You load on the whipped cream and spoon the very first bite in your mouth–a perfect blend of warm, gooey shortcake, decadent berries and rich cream…Mmm, strawberry shortcake. But then one day you are invited to try a different dessert, a new one. You are so satisfied with the first that it’s difficult to even think about another. But can you ever have enough dessert? So you are introduced to, say, the Signature White Chocolate Mousse Cake from Salty’s. Its plain white appearance is quite unassuming but as you fork the first bite into your mouth, you know your life has been changed forever. Like snowflakes effortlessly melting into the pores of your fingerprints, so the white chocolate saturates your tongue with flavor and then seeps into every fiber of your being. You are hooked, and have barely begun to swallow before you’re going in for bite number two. Throw a cup of decaf on the side and you will never be the same again.
But you cannot help but compare it to the shortcake…clearly not because you love it less than the shortcake, but because strawberry shortcake is all you’ve known up until now. If you had to choose between them, you couldn’t. Your choice would simply–but obviously–be, “Both.” You love them both but you love them differently. Because they are different.
Selah was just a few days old when these thoughts fumbled their way out of my mouth, as I wrestled with this new taste of love. I said to Brian: “It’s just that I love Elliott so much and I love Selah so much, too…but my love for Selah feels different.” And I couldn’t help but wonder if that “different” meant “less.”
“That’s okay, because she is different,” he calmly assured me.
And so I am learning that it is. That “different” doesn’t mean “less.” It means different. They have very different habits and they have reached (and will reach) different milestones at different times and they have very different stories already. And that last “different” has been especially hard for me.
A dear friend said to me before Selah was born, “Elliott has been your world…it’s going to be difficult to add another and realize you can’t give her as much time as you’ve given him.” I knew it would be. And it is.
Time…attention…those are my love languages. I’ve said to Brian so many times, “We don’t just sit around and stare at her for hours on end like we did with Elliott…is she lacking?? We haven’t been able to give her nearly as much attention as we did with him…”
“And Elliott didn’t have a big brother to give him kisses on his head 400 times a day…” Brian reminds me.
Enough said. It’s about so much more than being bathed in toddler smooches and drool; it’s about being lathered with big brother love…a love that can be so unique, so strong, so inspiring, so life-changing. I know of this love first-hand.
Can you see the strand of drool on her head? That’s from Elliott, who sneezed on her as he was giving her a kiss just before he took her hand… it is one of the details of this picture that makes me ADORE this moment…
Yes, she is being loved differently in these early months. I may not have the time to spend countless hours studying every curve of her face with a camera in my hands, snapping hundreds of pictures (a day). Selah is often strapped in the Ergo “coming along for the ride.” But you’d better believe that when I look down and see her staring up at me, I stop what I’m doing, catch my breath, and soak in her beauty and delight. We may be “on the go” more often than we were with E-man, but that doesn’t mean that I’m missing anything, or that she is lacking anything… In fact, it’s the contrary: she’s the best loved baby in the world as she watches balls fly past her face, listens to trains choo choo next to her ear, and is often the subject of Elliott’s art projects.
Nothing says, “loved” like being stickered by your big brother!
Selah has two parents who are completely enamored with her, but she also has a brother who adores her with every fiber of his being…who kisses (read: slobbers on) her over and over and over again, who asks about her as soon as he wakes up, who wants her to sit next to him every time we get in the car, who longs to share his toys with her all day long, who giggles with pride and delight when she rolls over, who melts when she smiles back at him and grabs his finger…Oh, she is so, so, so adored by her big brother. A love that is different, even, from the love of her parents. She has this incredible big brother who includes her, who invites her, who asks about her and wants the very, very best for her.
Just look at how he adores her…this is how he looks at her ALL THE TIME…
Oh, yes, she is certainly loved. And she is certainly lacking nothing.
Oh, yes, my love for her is surely different, yet as perfectly strong and profound as my love for her big brother.
Selah B turned 4 months old on February 8th. Sorry to make you wait for the very exciting happenings in this 4 month old’s life!!
Selah is 14 lbs and 25 ¼ inches worth of 4 month utter perfection.
She is just the sweetest little thing…I can hardly handle her sweetness. She loves people. She hasn’t been so good with the camera because she will ONLY smile when she sees someone’s face (but I’ve managed to catch some good photos this month…). My favorite thing to do is stare at her while she’s playing, and wait for her to catch my eye. As soon as she does, she smiles SO BIG. It melts me every time.
This has been a month of milestones! Just after her 3 month birthday, she started rolling over! I had set her on her tummy one day (January 13, to be exact!), walked away, and when I came back, she was on her back!! I screeched with delight and snapped this quick picture on my phone for proof. (Cute pjs provided by Aunt Bev and Uncle Roy, and cute hat provided by Auntie Melisa!)
“Whew! That was exhausting!”
I put her on her tummy and encouraged her to do it again so I could get it on video but she sweetly refused. I, of course, called her daddy right away to tell him the good news. Later that afternoon we were playing with her and she did it again, this time while we were both watching! She did it again and again, and so I finally pulled out my phone. Here’s this silly little video of her rolling over. I was certain she wasn’t going to roll over because I finally had the camera out, so my reaction is hilarious. As a result, Elliott thinks this video is hilarious and LOVES watching it over and over again.
Next new trick: Turning in circles! No matter if she’s on her tummy or her back, she turns herself in a complete circle. She loves to move!
Next milestone: Sleeping through the night! Yahoo!! Attention all moms of infants out there: if you’d like to get your baby to sleep through the night, I have the fail-proof way of doing so. Read my story below, and follow the steps carefully to achieve a full night of sleep for the first time in A YEAR (if your pregnancies are anything like mine!).
We were almost 2 weeks in to staffing the DTS, and we had the most incredible full schedule imaginable. We were very, very busy. But this particular Thursday morning was the most busy, most exhausting day that I had had yet. I was on the tail end of being sick, and it was WINDY out. Like really, really, really windy out. Like the windiest day in the entire history of planet earth. And I decided that would be a good day to walk to the base with Elliott. Now, it’s important to note that the walk to the base is entirely uphill. Short, but uphill. And Elliott decided he didn’t want to walk. And it was windy. Did I mention it was windy? Like really, really windy. So as I was pushing Elliott UP, UP, UP the hill in the stroller, the 100 mile an hour winds were pushing DOWN, DOWN, DOWN against me! So after this 15 minute walk of straight uphill, into the wind, my body was wiped. (I may not have muscles of steel quite yet after carrying and birthing a baby.) So I wiped the sweat off my brow and proceeded to Elliott’s little “preschool”, where I was going to teach a short lesson for the kiddos. I played with them for a bit, taught my little lesson and then fed sweet Selah B who had been napping in her little secret room on the base (don’t worry—Brian was watching her on the monitor!). After getting both the kids home and Selah down for a nap, I fed Elliott lunch. While he was eating I tore through the house like a tazmanian cleaning devil, because a group of girls was arriving in just an hour for a small group. I put Elliott down for his nap, the girls arrived for small group, and my friend Amanda and I led the time. They left, and I sat down to prepare for my teaching that night with the DTS Staff. Dinner, kids, nursing, playing, and burning brownies all happened before our friends arrived at 7. I taught for a couple hours and by the time everyone left, it was 10 pm. And I was EGG-SAUCE-TED. The most egg saucy this nursing, not-sleeping mama had ever been.
Still tracking with me? Because this is where the key to the story is:
I got ready for bed, put my ear plugs in (like normal) and—here it is, don’t miss this—I forgot to turn Selah’s monitor on.
Earplugs are the greatest gift known to man for me because they drown out my husband’s occasional night time noises (aka, snoring) and Selah’s little tosses and turns that generally wake me up and convince me that it’s a good idea to stare at her while she’s sleeping soundly. (You know, just to make sure she continues to sleep soundly.) Earplugs make it so that I only hear her through the monitor when she needs me, when she’s actually crying. Which, typically has been happening once a night.
But if I fail to turn the monitor on…I fail to hear EN-EE-THING.
Well, you’d better believe this tired mama slept oh-so-soundly until…I woke up at 6 am on my own, checked the time, and panicked. Why hadn’t Selah cried? I looked at the monitor, realizing it was not turned on to her room, and panicked again. Oh, no! Had Selah cried??!! I turned it on to her room, saw her sleeping soundly and peacefully, and panicked again—because I didn’t know what else to do! I quickly woke Brian up, telling him of my horrible mistake as I was, of course, panicking.
“Well, is she okay?” Brian asked.
“Well, she is NOW, but I have no idea if she cried all night long!!”
“Yeah, she looks pretty troubled to me…” he said as he looked at the peacefully sleeping babe on the monitor.
And Selah has slept through the night ever since. So there you have it, folks. I felt TARE-I-BULL…but, truth be told, I am quite enjoying sleeping through the night. And, I don’t think she’s holding it against me :).
Well, here she is: my rolling, sleeping, smiling, bundle of baby girl perfection: (P.S. As a little bonus, I added some pictures of Elliott when he was this age for a little compare/contrast!)
One of her favorite things to do…stare into the eyes of her big brother!The princess sitting on her throne…daddy’s tummy!
She loves chewing on her fingers!She adores her big brother…
Speaking of her big brother, here’s a little flash from the past:
She started really intentionally playing with the toys on the exersaucer…
…just like Elliott did at this age!
Are they siblings…
…or WHAT?!
She is so close to rolling onto her tummy–I’m shocked she hasn’t yet because she so often rolls herself all the way onto her side to play.She really likes playing with her toys……and eating them.Her feet are her newest playmates this month!
And, she discovered how cool her tongue is. She loves sticking it out of her mouth, especially when she’s smiling! 🙂
Now, just for a fun bonus, here are a few fun faces from our sweet, 4 month old Selah B:
Elliott picked this headband out for her to wear one morning while still in her pjs. I think she likes it :).Captivating, isn’t she??“Hey, Mom, look what I can do with my lip!”Oh my sweetness.Baby girl is growing up so fast!!
Okay, one more flashback for you…
Elliott Brian, 4 monthsSelah Bethany, 4 months
Okay, okay…so I guess I’m starting to see that they look a little bit alike :). Happy 4 month birthday, Selah B!!!
Love is about giving. Love is not just about giving things, but about giving your very self. Any mother could testify that this is the most difficult, yet the most rewarding, part of being a mama. We love so much, that we give…
We give our body over for almost 2 years so our babes can grow into healthy, strong, thriving toddlers. We give our uteruses for those first 9 months for the sake of creating a safe haven for our little peanuts to grow within us and then we become a milk machine for the next 12 + months. We are the means by which they get nourishment for 9 months and once they are born, we are the means by which they are sustained. During pregnancy, we give up the space for our bladder to spread out, thus giving up the right to only pee a few times a day; instead we are slaves to the bathroom at all hours of the day and night. We give up our right to choose any food in the world that we want to eat, and instead we eat what the baby wants, trying hard to choose foods that keep the baby healthy. We give up our favorite jeans and replace them for elastic waists and belly bands. We give up our heels and (have someone else) lace up our tennies. For me, I give up the comfort of food going down my throat once and staying there. For me, I give up consecutive, deep sleep, only able to get 2 or 3 hours of light sleep in at a time because my body wakes me up to eat (or pee!). For me, I give up the right to use my favorite toothpaste because I have to use the baking soda kind to dilute the acid coating my teeth. For me, I give up the right of ever being more than a few feet away from a toilet, a trash can, or a vomit bag. For me, pregnancy is about loving so much that I give… And then my perfect, precious infant arrives in a bundle and, thankfully for me, the joy of giving during infancy far surpasses the joy of giving during pregnancy. As mothers, we give so much to our little darlings, especially in those first few days and months. We give at times that no one else will ever see or know. We give in ways that no one else will understand. We stumble out of bed to the tiny newborn cries and we can’t help but give a huge smile as our eyeballs peek out of the slits of our eyelids and see…see the perfect miracle looking back at us. Who is alive todaybecause we gave. We give a little laugh (because what else can you do??) when our newborns spray poop all over EV.ER.Y.THING. at 2 in the morning. We give an extra kiss and an extra squeeze when we are overwhelmed with gratitude at our little loves. We give a little whisper in their ears, because we cannot help but repeat over and over and over again how much we love them, how much we cherish them, how much we adore them. We give our very selves, all day and all night long, so that our littles will grow up, bathed in love. We give our very selves, all day and all night long, so that our dear ones will be fed, and swaddled and rocked with love. We give our very selves, all day and all night long, so that our children will know, without a shadow of a doubt, that we love them so much that we give…we give our very selves that they might live, and live abundantly.
On this Valentine’s Day, I couldn’t be more grateful for the honor it is and has been to givefor my little ones. To be the one who gets to give so that they live. To be the one who gets to sacrifice so that they thrive. What an honor. What a joy. What a gift from God!!!!!
My little ValentineMy other little Valentine!
To all the mamas out there who spend each day sacrificially loving your own children, and to all the mamas out there who spend each day sacrificially loving children like they are your own, happy Valentine’s day! The way you have poured out your very life to love these children is reaping an eternal impact that no one can ever take away. Take heart, the seeds of love you are planting are blossoming into beautiful fruit. Take heart, He sees you as you selflessly give.
Selah B turned 3 months old on January 8th…though she’s now closer to 5 months old (WHAT?!) I want to post her 3 and 4 month blogs. Because she is just.that.cute.
Height: 25 inches
Weight: 12 lbs, 12 oz
Ahh, month 3, and life with our Selah B only continues to get more wonderful.
This past month we moved into a different house, and Selah officially has her own bathroom! A wish that every girl dreams of… 🙂
Selah has been sleeping in a bassinet in our room, which I love. I love listening to her breathing and knowing she’s just a couple feet away from me all night long. It was hard for me to move Elliott into his own room, and it was hard for me to make this leap with Selah, too. I know it’s best for everyone (like when Brian’s alarm clock goes off at 5 am, thus causing Selah to think that’s her awake time, too!) but it feels like she’s going off to college to my little beating mama’s heart.
So, just past the 3 month mark, we decided to make the switch. Did I mention that this very own bathroom of hers also happens to be her bedroom…
Besides needing to invest in a rug, it’s not bad for a bathroom bedroom, is it??!!
We moved into a little 2 bedroom condo. The second bedroom is too small to fit two cribs in it, so we decided to put Selah in the second bathroom! Her crib fits perfectly in the shower. And my incredible husband removed the faucet and built in a changing table above the sink. Her room couldn’t be any more perfect :). (Her bedding and nursery apparel is still in the process of being made, so that’s why her bathroom is still a little bare!)
Look at this changing table my husband built!!! Pretty impressive, eh?!
Selah has had a few sleeps all the way through the night, but is still generally waking up once to eat. She’s lifting her shoulders high off the ground during tummy time, and has decided that the bumbo isn’t her favorite thing in the entire world. She has cut her nursing time down to six minutes (sniff, sniff) and would much rather look around than eat. Her favorite things to look at this month? Besides the hanging animals on her play mat (which she’s started to grab a hold of this month), she loves looking into the mirror and…most especially, looking at her big brother. She smiles so big when he is near!!
Oh! And she giggled for the first time on her 3 month birthday. I was changing her into jammies (which just happened to be from Auntie Erika) and she just let out the biggest giggle while smiling at me!! Being Selah’s mom is the most incredible joy on the planet…
Well, without further delay, here she is: my giggling, smiling, beautiful 3 month old!
Just past the 2 month mark, in one of her cute Christmas outfits.All the babies born in 2012 at YWAM San Diego/Baja! All girls and one boy! Listen to these cute girlie names: Liel, Aviana, Madison, Natalia, Kindred and Selah! Selah is the youngest, all the way to the right.Post nap stretch!
Precious.Our little burrito! This is the only way to roll when your house is 51 degrees! Try and guess how many layers she has on underneath that swaddle!!Lots of hoodies this month!Cuddle time with DaddySenorita Claus, making a faceSweet lil’ smile.Ladies in redOh my cuteness.
Learning how to grab the lion…Oh, hi there!“Mom, let’s chat, shall we? I have a few things I’d like to discuss with you.”
“Will you smile for me, Selah B??“No, Mama, but I’ll let you get a good shot of my long lashes!”
Ahh, Christmastime… does it get more wonderful than twinkle lights, the smell of pine trees, buying special gifts for the ones you love, singing carols and coming up with creative ways to acknowledge the birthday of our Savior? Christmastime…simply the best!
We decided not to travel for Christmas, and although it was a tough decision knowing we wouldn’t see our Tacoma & Colorado friends and family, we were so grateful for the low-key holiday. We spent all of Christmas Eve in our pajamas and ventured out to San Diego for the day on the 25th.
Last Christmas we were traveling among three different countries and two different states, in preparation to pack up everything and move to Mexico. Christmas was about as simple as it gets…we got Elliott two new board books and that was it. For his 1st birthday we kept it simple as well, as we built a home for a family in need instead of buying him lots of presents. SO…needless to say, I couldn’t WAIT for Christmas this year. Giving gifts is for sure one of my love languages, and I just couldn’t wait to pick out so many fun things for our Elliott!! His big gift was a train set with wooden tracks. We also came across a little bike at Costco and just couldn’t resist. I’m pretty sure we jumped the gun on that one as his feet don’t reach the peddles yet 🙂 but Brian especially was so excited to get our son his very first bike!
Christmas Eve eve:
We put the kiddos in bed, wrapped presents, and assembled the bike!
“The Bike”…plus Elliott’s (other) big gift and Selah’s “big gift”Elliott’s been able to pick out the letter “E” for a while now, so we had him find his presents by finding the letter E. I also, of course, drew his favorite object next to his name on each package…it may look like a circle to the common eye, but Elliott and I both know that is A BALL…
Christmas Eve:
We decided to swap our days and really do Christmas on Christmas Eve.
Britght-eyed Selah was the first one up that morning, and what JOY to wake up to this shining face!!
Little buddy then came down the stairs, knowing there was a big surprise for him…
After he had had enough of the bike 🙂 he moved on to the next present… Brian had so much fun setting up the tracks for Elliott so they were just right…
At first all Elliott really wanted to play with was the styrofoam packaging that the train set came in…But then he started to catch some vision for playing with the actual toy…“choo-choo!”I can’t get enough of this little face!!!Or this little face!!My favorite gift this year.Elliott helped Selah open her “big” gift…this super cool owl toy! He was so thrilled to open her presents and then give them to her each time. Selah, on the other hand, wasn’t quite as impressed with the owl as we were :).
(Disclaimer: I am interrupting this Christmas Eve/Day blog to take you into the future. The following couple of presents were opened several days later because we spread out his present opening…but nonetheless, part of our Christmas celebration!)
A new puzzle because he’s mastered ALL of his other ones…We finally got him to try on MY favorite present for him… a backpack!Complete with his favorite–all kinds of balls–and his name!
Okay, back to Christmas Eve. Elliott also helped me open my present…something that I have been asking for for THREE YEARS. Reminding Santa on a (VERY) regular basis that I would L-O-V-E to have a warm, hooded fleece over the last 36 months finally paid off this Christmas… 🙂 Elliott tore open the wrapping paper with me and promptly put my long-awaited gift on himself.
“Hmm, Dad, do you think Mommy would mind if I borrowed her new jacket from time to time?”“It’s just that it fits me PERFECTLY!!”
Like Mother, like Son.
“And what did Brian get?” you wonder. Well, every year he only wants one thing–a new pair of boots. So those arrived a few weeks ago and he’s been wearing them daily. Of course I had to get him something special, too. So, I thought long and hard and decided to get him…drum roll please…a new pair of nail clippers! Because my husband loveshimself a good nail clippin’!!
“Nail clippers?” you ask.
No, not just any nail clippers…I got him these nail clippers.
“You spent $13.25 on nail clippers?” you marvel. Yes, my friends. I did. Because these nail clippers have “Brian Moberg” written all over them. They have been reviewed byover 200 people, they are lifetime guaranteed, and they are high quality. Talk about a good value! Yes, these are a few of his favorite things!!
Still not convinced? Check out an excerpt of this passionate review, and I’m sure you’ll be buying yourself a pair in no time:
“First off, it’s stainless steel, not chrome plated … no flakes of chrome getting imbedded under your fingernails … no rusting after a few days in damp shower kit. Second, the construction is sturdy and substantial, not flimsy. Third, the cutting edge is masterful, delivering a clean, smooth cut every time … a cut accompanied by a satisfying CLICK!! that tells you it’s cut cleanly through the nail. Forth, the mechanism is designed to work smoothly with no ill fitting, loose or wobbly parts. It’s simply the best fingernail clipper I’ve EVER used and I can highly recommend it.”
Sold. And be honest…you are, too.
When Elliott went down for his nap, Brian and I whipped up a big yet simple Turkey dinner, complete with my mom’s amazing sausage stuffing, mashed potatoes and green bean casserole. I don’t know what we did that was just SO RIGHT, but it was INCREDIBLE. So yummy!!
Christmas Eve dinner, train set and all.
So, we choo-chooed, slept, ate, and clipped the day away….and successfully spent the entire day in our jammies. We held our own little church service in the playroom that evening, and Elliott acted out the story of Jesus being born with his nativity set as Brian read it aloud from both Elliott’s bible and his bible. Precious moments with our family…
Christmas Eve pj picture, 2012
Christmas Day:
We got ourselves up and out of the house and headed to San Diego for brunch. Talk about blessing my ever-living soul…mmmm, Christmas BRUNCH!!
We got to the restaurant a bit early so we let Elliott take the car for a spin, and then we all walked around beautiful San Diego exploring.
“Don’t worry, Dad…I’ll mind the speed limit.”Elliott’s practicing walking with his eyes closed. What a talented kid!!Family self-portrait…oops, where are the kids?!There they are 🙂
Brunch was FANTASTIC. I packed my diaper bag with a new puzzle for Elliott to open to keep him happy long enough to stuff my face full of plenty of food to last me all winter. Surprisingly, Elliott was perfectly content stuffing his face for a long time, too. And since he was free, we definitely got our money’s worth :).
We forgot to put Selah’s headband back on after it fell off, and she was mistaken for a boy shortly after this picture. Really though? A red pea coat, snowflake pants and feminine buckle-shoe socks…and you think she’s a boy?? *sigh* Sorry, Selah.
We spent some time playing at a park in San Diego that afternoon and headed home early evening. It’s hard to see, but Selah’s shirt says, “Mommy’s Little Joy.”
Look at the sunset shining through our windows in the background!!Truly, truly…my little joy.
And, finally, what better way to end a Christmas post than with adorable pictures of our babies…
Do you have ANY idea how hard it is to get a good picture of a 21 month old and a 2 month old?You may think that Christmas ornament is simply a cute prop, but really–it’s a full-on BRIBE to get Elliott to sit with his sister and smile. Biggest treat EVER for little buddy to get to hold one of the coveted “Christmas balls” that have been off-limits all month…ONE of them always looks great…Well, except in this one. “He who smelt it, dealt it!”My favorite. You can only see 3/4 of Elliott’s face and Selah’s not giving us her usual huge grin…but still, I think it’s perfect. I love my Christmasy babies!Our family’s most wonderful Christmas gift!
I’m not sure how we ended up with the two most wonderful children in the world, but I’m certainly not complaining!!!!
Selah is such a doll…ahhh, it’s so hard for me to communicate the fullness of her wonderfulness in words. I take so many pictures of her every day, just somehow trying to record how much I love her, how beautiful she is, how she makes me feel in those moments that she smiles at me from the depths of her soul…I find myself wishing someone could follow us around all day…videoing and photographing every precious moment with our baby girl.
She is a CHATTER. Oh my word, this princess LOVES TO CHAT (she must get that from her Daddy, right?…HA!) And so, of course, we’ve started what I believe will be a lifelong habit…our mommy-daughter chats! Oh, they are my FAVORITE moments of the day…chatting away with my daughter. I love her voice.
Every since I heard Selah’s very first few cries, I have said, “I love her cry!!” It is just adorable…she lets out a cry, and ends it with a big gulp of air that comes out like a squeak. It is so stinking cute. And this month she has started talking…she “coos” and she “ahhs” at us and her voice is so heavenly. Whether it’s crying or chatting, I just love her voice. I believe she is going to have a voice on this earth…a voice declaring the goodness and faithfulness of the Lord. A voice that brings peace. A voice that brings calm. A voice that transforms hearts through the love of Christ. Oh, sweet Selah…may your voice be loud, and never quenched!
Well, back to the fact that my baby is TWO MONTHS OLD!!!
Words that describe my baby in the last month? Radiant smiler, sweet chatterbox, tummy-time player, bumbo master…conqueror of the 45 minute intruder(well, most days…). Oh yes, and rejector of the bottle.
Selah won’t take a bottle. We tried for the first time when she was a couple of weeks old and I had to go to San Diego for an appointment and couldn’t bring her with me. Brian barely got an ounce or so in her through *lots* of tears. We didn’t really think to try again until she was about 6 weeks old, and wow…I think we were about 6 weeks too late. We tried really hard for a few days to do one feeding a day with the bottle, but goodness gracious… baby girl is NOT a fan. We’re going to try again once we’re not so focused on sleep training… It honestly just never occurred to me to “train” her to take a bottle because Elliott always took a bottle so well. But we also HAD to give him a bottle at 3 days old because we had to make sure he was getting enough milk. So he had plenty of practice right from the start… But, I will be honest, it is slightly daunting thinking about not being able to leave Selah for longer than a few hours at a time for the ENTIRE NEXT YEAR… Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I’m eager to be away from my baby, but it isa value of our family to free me up every once in a while to be away from the kiddos for longer than 3 hours. Any-whoo………
Alright, without further adieu, here she is! Our beautiful, bright-eyed 2 month old Selah…!!
6 weeks old, and bundled up in a wrap on my chest.Our smiling chatterbox. As SOON as Selah sees one of our faces, she lights up…this is us, smiling and chatting each other during one of our Mommy/Daughter chats…Okay, is this a “Susanne face,” or WHAT?! Does anyone else see it, or is it just me??Our beauty.
Selah’s first Thanksgiving!
Who would have thought that our first two children’s first two Thanksgivings would be in the Dominican Republic and Mexico?! Last year, Elliott’s first Thanksgiving, it was so hot in the D.R. that we all went swimming. This year, although it wasn’t quite hot enough to go swimming, it was certainly warm enough for Selah to wear a dress!
So happy to be celebrating her first Thanksgiving!!Tummy time
Taking a little tummy time rest“Wait a minute, why am I the only one who didn’t get a piece of pie??”Waking up from a nice, long, Thanksgiving slumber…“What is this large squishy blue thing under my bumble, Elliott?”“You’ll get used to it, Selah. Here, do you want me to show you how it’s done like a pro?”
“Just like this! See, it’s not so bad…”Grandma and Grandpa came to visit for Thanksgiving!
I love this next picture…we were trying to take a family photo of the 4 of us, but Elliott refused unless Rayel was in it with us. What were we thinking?! Of course our Thanksgiving family photo would have to include Rayel as she is totally part of our family!!
Our little family 🙂
More bumbo shots…because aren’t they so cute?!
“Bet you can’t find my neck!”“Peek-a-boo! HERE it is!!”
“Okay, but seriously…why am I the only one in this family who has to sit on a squishy blue chair?”
Play mat time!
At this age, Elliott loved the mirror at the top of this play mat. He would stare at it and smile and laugh! Selah is much more into the monkey than the mirror. She will stare at that monkey for long periods of time, smiling and cooing at him :).
The only thing better than play mat time is play mat time with Elliott!I LOVE her sweet face……and THOSE EYES!
Funny faces!
Pouty face!I think Selah looks SO MUCH like her cousin Fable in this picture!!Those lips!!Her pooping face…A content pout…“It wasn’t me!”Trying to show the monkey who’s boss…
1 Month Old
8 weeks old…and probably the closest pic we have that captures her REAL huge smile…I love this photo that I snapped on my phone!
Brian and I tried to get a “perfect” picture of her gorgeous smile, so we took a lot of pictures on her 1 month birthday. Although we didn’t get any great ones of her HUGE grin, I do think these pictures capture the beauty and delight of our baby girl very well…I couldn’t cut them down any more 🙂 so here are SEVERAL pictures of our sweet Selah…one month old!
Can you see how her smile radiates even through her eyes??
Happy, 1 month birthday, our sweet delight!! Your beauty overwhelms us, your voice captivates us, your smile touches us in the deepest places of our hearts…we ADORE you…!!!!!
Selah Bethany(Selah B, Selah Love, Little S, Selah Insert-random-middle-name-here-like-Daddy-does…) is one month old!
You hear every parent say it, but I don’t know how to communicate the sentiment in a less cliche way…
She is growing up SO. INCREDIBLY. FAST.
I don’t remember feeling quite this sad about growth acceleration with Elliott. Maybe because he was our first and I was so excited for him to be able to talk to us and walk and laugh and I just couldn’t wait to see it all develop….but with Selah it has been so different. I wish she would stay this tiny forever…I wish she would do the “newborn stretch” forever, where her back arches and her little frog legs cross and tuck right beneath her bumble while her clenched fists stretch above her head…I wish she would make her little newborn sounds and snorts and squeaks forever…I wish she could snuggle up on my chest and fall asleep curled up in a little ball forever…ahhh, these first few weeks are so, so sweet…
Here are a few facts and a lotta pictures to help you get to know our sweet little Selah from afar…
She is CHUBBY! And for that, we are so grateful! (Only when referring to babies is the word “chubby” actually a compliment!) She looks so much like me when I was a baby, and I certainly had rolls :). And I love her chub…I love her thighs, her arms, her tummy. Selah weighed in at a healthy 10 lbs 5 oz on her one month birthday, and we are certainly proud of every ounce she gained. She is still eating every 2 hours, but only nurses 4 minutes per side…a pretty efficient nurser, wouldn’t you say?? How different than my little buddy, who nursed for ONE HOUR every two hours until he was 6 weeks old! This makes life a lot easier because nursing isn’t nearly the ordeal that it was when I was nursing Elliott.
She is a SQUEAKER!! She doesn’t just cry, she squeaks. She makes more noises than any newborn I know…they are so sweet, and so loud! And she definitely lets us know when she needs something…she’s for sure a…how should I put this? A verbal processor :).
She LOVES to have her diaper changed! I don’t think she has ever cried through a diaper change! In fact, it calms her down…she LOVES being clean. Which is REALLY FORTUNATE because…
She is a POOPER. Okay, I know this may sound obvious, but oh no–I guarantee you’ve never met a baby who poops like Selah poops. She has projectile poop. Seriously. We have each had poop sprayed all over us while changing her diaper. But then one day, Brian went upstairs to change her diaper and I heard him say in his usual understated tone, “Whoa.” And then a few seconds later, “WHOA.” And then a few seconds later, “Whoa…WHOA.” Since he sounded so calm, I didn’t think much of it…I just thought it was a really, really full diaper. But I asked if everything was okay and he responded–again, in his super-understated manner, “Selah pooped everywhere.” Well, it turns out, he wasn’t kidding.
What the changing pad & cover looked like post projectile poop……aaaaand what the FLOOR looked like post projectile poop…can you believe all of that poop projected out of a 2 week old baby???
She is a SMILER. Whether she’s awake or asleep, she’s smiling! I know a lot of people say it’s gas at this age, but I’m telling you–Selah responds to us and smiles at us all the time. She smiles every time she falls asleep (yes, I know that’s just a newborn twitch thing) but also, she smiles at us when we get real close to her and smile and goo-goo talk away… I even got her awake and smiling on camera at just 7 days old.
Sleeping and smiling…5 days old.Awake and smiling…7 days old!
She is BEAUTIFUL. It overwhelms me every day. She is just perfect…I love, love, LOVE that she gets to hear how beautiful she is every day. (Because yes, I believe it is SO important for little girls to grow up knowing they’re beautiful! And smart, and capable, and compassionate, and, and, and…but also that they’re beautiful. But that’s an entire other blog post :).)
Here is the progression of our sweet little love over her first month of life. I don’t have pictures from every day, but some days I couldn’t narrow it down to just one so there are a few to make up for the days that I missed :).
Her Birthday
2 days old
3 days old
4 days old
5 days old
6 days old
First time wearing a dress and a bow!That’s better 🙂
7 days old
8 days old
9 days old
10 days old
She’s a couple ounces bigger than her birth weight here, but you get the idea 🙂
11 days old
12 days old
13 days old
Dressed up for the Harvest Party…Daddy’s Little Princess and Daddy’s Little Builder 🙂
14 days old
15 days old
22 days old
First trip to the Rosarito Beach
23 days old
25 days old
Oops. Mommy fail.
28 days old–ONE MONTH OLD!!
1 month old, laying on her special handmade blanket from Nonna
We celebrated her one month birthday with…chocolate chip cookies! Grandpa and Nonna were here for the milestone, so we all gobbled down cookies in honor of this little pumpkin head. Poor Elliott missed the celebrations because he was already in bed. Don’t worry, I ate a cookie or two for him :).
Okay, time for a little compare/contrast of siblings… I really don’t think Selah looks anything like Elliott did or does, but people say you can tell they are siblings. I can’t really, but that’s okay :). Selah looks so much like me as a baby and Elliott looked SO MUCH like Brian as a baby. Anyhow, you can judge for yourself…
Selah Bethany, you are the perfect addition to our family. WE ADORE YOU…though you are sweet as can be, we can tell that you have some spunk to you, too! You are not afraid to speak up and let us know exactly what you want. You are simply STUNNING, and you have the most beautiful smile that shows itself every time we come near… Please stay tiny forever while simultaneously blossoming into the radiant little girl that God has created you to be! We love you…happy 1 month birthday!!!
It’s amazing how when something goes right, you realize how wrong it was before. In retrospect, I have even more confidence that the c-section was exactly the right call with Elliott. I know it may sound crazy, but despite the facts, there was always this teeny, tiny lingering thought in the back of my head wondering if the c-section was absolutely necessary. After Selah’s birth, that thought is totally gone. I had contractions. I dilated (eventually). Her heart rate stayed strong. I pushed. She came out.
I also have to laugh a little (mostly at myself) for all of the research and reading that goes into creating the “perfect” birth experience. “That” experience is just so far out of our control. I have to laugh at all the people who say there is a “right” way, and “anyone” can accomplish that way… When things are in the right places and going right, you’ll probably have a successful vaginal labor and delivery. When they’re not in the right place, you might end up in a c-section. I strongly believe in the expert help of a doula and/or midwife to help with positioning, etc., assuming that there are no complications big enough to keep the baby from being birthed naturally. But this whole delivery experience (and the ease of it) has really made me calm down a bit. Why did I push for 30 minutes and I’ve had friends push for hours and hours? Not because I read a book on pushing! Because…because…? Because we’ll never know. Because labor and delivery is OUT OF OUR CONTROL… And…IN HIS…
Now, back to Selah B and her birth day! I got to hold my daughter for the first entire hour of her life. How precious, how special. Such a gift. Just after noon, I handed her off to Daddy, who finally got to hold his little princess.
So proud.The first kiss of many, many, many more to come…
I remember the nurse asking us how big we thought she was, and realizing that I hadn’t even thought about the fact that we didn’t know her stats yet. I remember having no idea how big she was. I had been so scared of giving birth to a HUMONGOUS baby because a) I had gained AN ENORMOUS amount of weight with this pregnancy (way more than with Elliott) and b) I had had two friends recently give birth to 9+ and 10+ pound babies in September. I think I guessed 9 lbs, assuming she’d be bigger than Elliott because she was my second and also because I figured hot dogs & mac & cheese probably make for chubby babies, right?
But she wasn’t 9 lbs at all…8 lbs, 2.9 ounces to be exact!
The nurse measured her at 20 1/4 inches. Although, here’s a little secret fact for you. At her initial doctor’s appointment when she was 4 days old, she very clearly measured at 21 inches. SO, either the nurse measured her wrong originally, or our baby girl grew 3/4 of an inch in 4 days. You can decide for yourself what you think Selah’s REAL length was :).
Tiny feet3/4 of the Moberg Family
Before Selah was born, I made a banner for her and hung it over her waiting bassinet as a sort of declaration of faith. It said, “Welcome Home, Selah!” But in the exclamation mark at the end, it said, “We did it!” And although I didn’t know exactly what the “it” was going to look like, I knew the Lord was going to bring us through. I looked at and thought of that banner MANY times during the last few weeks of pregnancy and during my labor, as a reminder that yes, I would soon be bringing my baby girl home…that yes, I could do this…that yes, we would soon pass this test of faith…that yes, we would soon be on the other side of this pregnancy, of this labor, of this delivery.
Note #1: Because my firstborn, my sweet baby Elliott, was born via c-section, we had to make a choice about the type of birth we wanted to have with our daughter. A VBAC (vaginal birth after Cesarean) has its risks because it is possible (though unlikely with the type of incision I had with my cesarean) that the uterus could erupt during labor. However, having multiple c-sections has its disadvantages as well. We spent *a lot* of time praying, reading, researching, talking to doctors, midwives, and others, and finally decided that we wanted to go for the VBAC. However, we fully trusted the Lord for the outcome…trusting that He would make it clear to us every step of the labor if we were to keep moving forward with trying for a VBAC or if we should stop and have a c-section. My doctor said she wasn’t comfortable letting me go past 41 ½ weeks, so we had a c-section date scheduled for October 8 at 2:00pm with a check-in time of noon. If I didn’t go into labor before then, then our answer would be clear…
Note #2: One of the things that was difficult about my first labor/delivery experience is that I had so much trouble REMEMBERING most of those initial moments that Elliott was born. I am so grateful for the pictures that Brian and our doula took because I have no memory of the first few minutes that I got to hold him and nurse him. It had been a long, very hard week leading up to his birth and then a fairly traumatic rush into the emergency c-section. Anyhow, when I went to write out Selah’s birth story, the words that kept coming to mind were, “I remember…”…becauseI did. I am so grateful for the many gifts the Lord gave me in this labor and delivery, one of them being THE MEMORIES.
The Day That Selah Came
(And the days leading up to it…)
My due date came and went, and I was desperately trying to send my body into real labor. I remember one particular day, being super determined to get contractions going. I took Elliott outside to play soccer and every time he kicked the ball past me down the street I would run down the hill as fast I could to stop it.
And he thinks HE needs water!
At one point we walked to the bottom of the hill because he wanted to see the dogs, but then he got tired and wanted me to carry him back up the hill. I gladly scooped him up and made the hike! I got home and did 5 sets of stairs (my goal was 10, but that didn’t happen!). That night I attempted jumping jacks. And although I only made it through about 3 of them, I was laughing so hard at myself that I thought my snorting laughter alone might send me into labor! But it didn’t. And I was WIPED the next day from all of my labor-inducing tricks.
So, we went to the beach. And I laid down while Grandma & Grandpa Moberg played with Elliott. I was too tired to try and force my body into labor.
My vantage point on beach day. Can you see Grandma & Grandpa with Elliott over my HUMONGOUS baby belly?
Saturday, 10.6.12. I told Brian I needed a change of scenery. You can only walk around the block so many times when you are DAYS AND DAYS overdue before you start to go a bit crazy. I was officially one week overdue at this point, and the deadline of noon on October 8 was creeping up quickly… We all decided to go to San Diego for the day, run a few errands, find a fun park for Elliott to play in, and go to dinner with some family friends who happened to be in town. Little did I know that after having dinner with these same friends, Brian’s brother & sister-in-law went into labor the next day with their first…dun, dun, dun….
Little Buddy (soon to be BIG buddy!) loved the new park!Big Brother Elliott and me, one week overdue.
I got home that night and a friend asked how I was doing, knowing that my labor deadline was approaching so quickly. And I remember relaying to her the revelation that I had recently gained conviction for in my spirit: “You know, the Lord is so in control. He EASILY could have sent me into labor by now…” In the previous 24 hours, I had had such a peace come over me that the deadline set by man could not hinder the Lord’s plan for our lives. If He wanted me to attempt a VBAC, He would make it happen. If He didn’t, He would keep my body from going into labor.
So when I woke up with contractions around midnight, I remember encouraging myself (because yes, I often encourage myself!), “See…you knew He was in control…”
Labor begins…and I remember…
I remember thinking, “I can’t do this.” A lot of times. Like when we headed across the border at 5 am and I was throwing up in the car while having back labor contractions. And then Brian stopped for gas :). Like when we got across the border and daylight hit and my contractions stopped, just like they had done with Elliott. Like when I called the doctor on call to talk to her about what to do, not knowing how long I was allowed to “labor,” and she snapped at me, telling me 20 minutes between contractions is not real labor. Like when my contractions picked back up that afternoon, with heavy, intense back labor, and were 3 minutes apart for a minute long and I knew these were only the beginning stages of labor and I could barely handle it. Like when we decided to head to the hospital and I was on all fours, throwing up into a bucket, sweating from every pore of my body, feeling like someone was wringing out my gut from the inside out and scraping the nerves of my lumbar and sacrum with a scalpel.
But let’s back up a minute…
Midnight, 10.7.12. I remember waking up with contractions that continued steadily, every 5-8 minutes. Finally, around 3 am, I remember gently shaking Brian awake with a, “Happy Birthday, my love…guess what? I’m having regular contractions! Do you think we should head to San Diego?”
I remember packing up and trying to keep down an egg sandwich despite the nausea attempting to push it back up. I remember the moment the nausea won. And I remember collecting barf bags to bring in the car with us.
6 a.m. I remember arriving at the YWAM Hospitality house in San Diego, eating a bowl of Frosted Flakes, and laying down to rest for a bit because the contractions had almost entirely stopped…
Noonish. I remember being “that pregnant woman” walking through the Bonita Mall, trying to get my contractions going again but so badly wanting to celebrate Brian’s birthday…and I remember him saying over and over, “This is the exact way I want to celebrate my birthday…preparing for our baby girl to arrive!” And I remember realizing, once again, that I married the most incredible man on earth.
Happy Birthday, Baby Daddy!
Now, back to the “I can’t do this…”
3 p.m. ish. I remember laying down to try to rest when my contractions and the scalpel-scraping back labor all came back with a vengeance. I remember pushing against the wall with each contraction–the only position that was remotely “comfortable.” I remember finally getting down on all fours, head in a bucket, and trying to drown out the “I can’t do this’s” in my head by saying out loud over and over, “You can do this, Sus…you can do this…” After an hour of this, 3 minutes apart, we decided to head to the hospital.
I remember crying most of the way to the hospital. Not “I’m-in-so-much-pain” crying (even though I was!!), but “totally-overwhelmed-with-the-(amazing)-reality-that-this-was-actually-happening” crying. I called the hospital between contractions to tell them I was coming in. The first woman I talked to was sooo nice to me (God bless good ol’ fashioned NICE PEOPLE!!) and was sooo excited for me. “Oh, you are?!” the stranger exclaimed (as if she were my best friend) upon hearing the news that we were coming in. “Let me connect you to triage. Do you know what you’re having?!”
“It’s a GIRL!!!!” I sobbed as the dam holding together my composure came crashing down with a flood of tears…almost as a proclamation from my spirit that she was finally coming…Yes, she was coming!! We still didn’t know how, but we knew she was coming…now. Months and months of overcoming my fear of what could happen during this labor were coming to an end…now. Months and months of building up my faith, of learning how to trust the Lord in a whole new way…and now, now! Now the muscles of faith that I had been building for those months would get to participate in Game Day. Now…
“Oh, congratulations!!!”
“THANK YOU!!!” I sobbed back, and would have thrown myself into a big bear hug in her arms had she been standing in front of me.
She put me on hold and I just cried and cried…the lady picked up from triage: “May I help you?”
I quit trying to hide the fact that I was a blubbering mess, and I unashamedly cried like a baby into my cell phone. “Hi! I-I’m (sob) in (sob) labor and I-I’m (sob) coming in to the (sob) hospital!”
“Yay!! Congratulations! We’ll see you when you get here!”
“Okay!!!” I sputtered back through my stream of tears.
I remember being so overwhelmed. So grateful my contractions had stayed at 3-4 minutes apart for the last hour and half…so grateful that SOMETHING was going to happen.
I remember being checked into triage. I remember the nurse telling me that I needed to cleanse, pee a little bit in the toilet, and then pee in a cup. I remember looking at her like she had just asked me to do a handstand…was she cuh-RAZY? It’s hard enough to pee in a cup when your 10+ months pregnant, but to do it while having horrific back labor and to pee a little, stop, and then get the rest in a cup?! Okay…moving on…
5pm. I remember finally getting to the bed where they checked me. I remember the nurse checking me and telling me I was… (drum roll please…)
…at a 1 and a ½.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I remember thinking. A 1 and a ½???
I remember her saying, “Well, but your contractions are so intense and so close together (every 2 minutes) that I can’t imagine they’ll send you home…I’m sure they’ll admit you. You’re about 80% effaced.”
I remember being so grateful for that, thinking back to my labor with Elliott. (“Just please, please don’t send me home!!”) I remember them taking me off the c-section schedule for the next day, because even if I were to end up with a cesarean, I didn’t need that scheduled appointment anymore.
5:59 p.m. I remember meeting the doctor on call, and not being a big fan. And why had it taken her an hour to get there?? But she admitted me, and advised me not to get an epidural (which I was very adamant about making sure everyone I came into contact with knew that I was very eager to get started) until I was at least at a 4. I remember thinking that would be hard, but it was a good goal.
6:45 p.m. They finally got us upstairs to the delivery room.
7:05 p.m. I remember my sweetest little Elliott, who got to come up to visit. I remember having a contraction while he was there, and desperately trying to smile through it for him. I remember him seeing the yellow exercise ball in the room and shouting, “Boh!!” and I remember just wanting him to laugh and run and play with it, filling the room with innocence… I remember that he wanted to sit on my lap and he kept pointing at all the “bracelets” I had on my wrist. And I remember that it was one of those moments where you are so glad he doesn’t understand that the red one is in case I need a blood transfusion and the IV in my arm is in case I have to be rushed into surgery…and his naivete brought a sort of refreshing calm to my spirit…it wasn’t his job to worry about anything other than why I was so blessed with some new “jewelry,” just as it wasn’t my job to worry about anything other than resting (well, ahem, laboring!) in the Lord’s hands. Constantly grateful for the ways my son reminds me that I am my Father’s daughter, His little girl, His baby.
“Wow! Look at all your pretty bracelets, Mommy!”
7:15 p.m. I remember getting iv drugs—Zophran to help with the nausea and some pain medication to help relax my body to hopefully help me dilate and make some progress.
9:27 p.m. I remember the nurse checking me and telling me I was at a 3. And I remember thinking I didn’t want to deal with the back labor any longer. We had decided ahead of time that it would be the best thing for me to get an epidural in case I needed an emergency c-section, and so if I was going to get one anyway, I wasn’t willing to endure the back labor anymore. I remember praying with Brian, and feeling peace about getting the epidural right then, even though I wasn’t at a 4.
9:40 p.m. I remember Dr. K. coming in to give me the epidural. I remember them telling Brian to sit down in a chair in front of me so he couldn’t see the needle, and giving him a mask. I remember the needle going in, and it feeling off-centered…like it was to the left of my spine.
10:55 p.m. I remember the nurse checking me, and relaying the news that I had made no progress. I remember being discouraged (this scenario was all too familiar…), but still at peace. They put the catheter in, and I tried to sleep, knowing they were going to relay the news to the doctor.
11:19 p.m. Dr. R (the OB) came in and checked me. I remember her telling me that I was actually still at a 1 ½. Ha!! How do you dilate backwards?? I remember wanting to ask for someone with smaller fingers to check me again. 🙂 I remember feeling like she thought I was the biggest wimp, and I remember not caring at all. She broke my water, and it was clear. A great sign.
I remember so badly wanting Selah to be born on Brian’s birthday, and realizing that it wasn’t going to happen…
I remember joining hands with my husband and praying boldly for our hearts’ desires…that God would allow us to have a VBAC.
I remember sleeping, and suddenly being woken up with panic. I couldn’t feel my left leg (which felt like it was the size of a tree trunk) at all and the back labor had returned on the right side of my back. I remember panicking…feeling so out of control…wondering how I would get on all fours if her heart rate dropped like Elliott’s had. Wondering if I could do this…feeling so tired of the whole process. I remember my husband taking my hand and I remember praying with him…I remember him boldly declaring truth over me and our sweet Selah, and I remember feeling peace. I remember asking him to get my ipod, in which I had just put on a new playlist of 4 songs specifically about the Lord’s faithfulness, specifically for Selah’s birth. And I put the ipod by my head, and rested beneath the promises of the Lord…
4 a.m. I remember Dr. R. checking me and telling me I was at a 4. Hallelujah. I remember her saying I needed to keep dilating in order for this to keep going…
I remember texting a couple people to pray for dilation breakthrough!
6:55 a.m. I remember them checking me and telling me I was at a 6…that could be stretched to a 7!
7:00 a.m. Doctor’s shift change, praise God. I remember Dr. Huskey coming in, and cheering for me. We had made it this far. I remember being in her office the previous Wednesday and I had been at a 0. We had talked through the c-section protocol. But now, here we were…on c-section day, but I was in labor. I remember being relieved that she was on call, not the other doctor anymore… I remember her saying, gently but firmly, “Okay, I’ll give you as much time as I can–until 10 o’clock—and we’ll check you again. As long as you’ve made progress, we’ll keep going. Now, if you’re still at a 6, we need to talk about a c-section, okay?”
I remember saying, “Okay,” and not being afraid. I remember simply being so confident that the Lord was going to bring Selah into this world in the perfect way…whether it was vaginally or through surgery.
Then, I remember realizing it was time to put my game face on. My Deborah face. It was time to stir up the Mama in me that was created to rise up and fight. There is this balance (that I have been learning about) of relinquishing my plans in the Lord’s hands, trusting Him to bring about the BEST way, but also knowing I was created to fight, to war, to cry out for my heart’s desires. So, I rose up. I began to pray and talk to Selah constantly. I even moved my iPod down towards…how do I say this…”The Exit” (tmi?) so that she would hear the music, singing of God’s faithfulness, and know which way to get out :). I talked her down…I told her which way to go and what to do. I prayed for her. I prayed for me. I remember being so filled with peace, and so filled with a confidence that she was moving…
And then, I remember feeling the urge to take a big poop…that’s what everyone had said it would feel like. I remember being half in and out of sleep/prayer land and feeling that and suddenly, urgently, excitedly, hopefully calling Brian. “I feel like I need to poop!!”
“Okay…” he responded. (Oh, the things my husband puts up with!) 🙂
“That’s what everyone says it feels like when you’re ready to push!”
I asked him to get the nurse, and when she came in I relayed the news with incredible eagerness to her, just like a toddler who’s potty training. “Well, I’m only allowed to check you every 2 hours. So let’s wait until 10…”
9:55 a.m. I remember the nurse coming in just before 10 and saying, “Well should we check you?! I can’t wait any longer to find out if you’ve made progress!” And I remember thinking, “You’re telling me! Check me!!”
And time paused in that moment and a heavy stillness fell in the room as if all of creation was waiting for her answer. And then it came…And I remember…oh, I remember her smiling, and saying…
“You’re at a 10. Her head is right there…you’re ready to push!!”
I had never heard those words before!! And I remember crying and saying, “Really?! Really??? I get to push?!!!”
I remember her saying, “Now don’t push yet. Wait for me to get back in here so I can show you how.” And I remember thinking, “Are you crazy? I have NO idea what I’m doing…I’m not pushing without you!”
I remember other nurses coming in and setting up the room. It was happening. I remember Brian taking notes on his phone. I remember us trying to figure out how to set up the tripod to take pictures. I remember putting one song on repeat and putting the ipod up by my ear. I remember being so at peace…I remember being so confident in our God. I remember the room being a place that was calm…not panicked…and I couldn’t believe this was how birth is supposed to be…
I do remember wondering how I was going to push since I couldn’t even feel my left leg…
10:30 a.m. I remember them getting my legs in the stirrups.
I remember asking for a mirror.
10:33 a.m. I remember the nurse teaching me how to push, and I remember doing a practice push. I remember thinking pushing was going to be so challenging, but I was so eager, ready, and excited to face it. I remember doing the practice push and asking, “Is that it?? Am I doing this right??”
I remember thinking that I would need a lot of help, but I didn’t. At one point, I remember the nurse had to walk out of the room and Brian was trying to get the tripod set up, and I just push, push, pushed on my own…so eager to see my baby girl. I remember thinking that pushing was a lot easier than I had thought it would be, and that was PURELY the grace of God…
I remember smiling the entire time that I pushed. I couldn’t help it…I was pushing!! I was pushing my baby girl out!! This was it!!!! I was filled with an all-consuming peaceful joy…serenity…
Pushing!! And smiling!!
10:43 a.m. I remember seeing the top of her head!!!!!
10:57 a.m. I remember the nurse calling in the doctor and the team…
I remember Dr. Huskey coming in and pushing once for her. Then I remember her saying, “Okay, I want her to come out on this next push, alright? Can you do it?” And I remember saying, “Yes!”
11:07 a.m. And then…oh, and then!! I remember seeing Selah’s perfect head followed by her perfect body come out, and I remember her crying right away…
…And I remember thinking, “We did it!! We DID it!!”
…and I remember watching everyone’s faces and I remember that none of them were panicked…I remember thinking, “It’s all okay…everyone is okay…”
…And I remember them putting Selah on my chest and I remember being absolutely overcome with gratitude…
…I got to hold my baby girl!! I got to hold her right away!! And I remember those first few moments of holding her in my arms….
…There she was, crying on my chest…she was mine…and I was filled with overwhelming gratitude…
…And I remember talking to her and just loving hearing her cry…
I remember telling her that she did such a great job over and over and over again…that she knew exactly what to do and she did it…
I remember holding her on my chest and loving being her mom…loving getting to see her up close right away…loving every minute…
I remember thanking the Lord…over and over and over again…I remember being so, so grateful…I remember somewhere in all that my doctor said, “You tore a little bit…to a 2.” And I remember instantly saying, “That’s okay!!!” What a small price to pay for my sweet baby Selah!! And I remember…I remember it all…
“You have given her her heart’s desire, And have not withheld the request of her lips. Selah!”
Psalm 21:2
Oh, how she isand will be a constant reminder to stop, to pause…to remember the Lord’s faithfulness and to lift up praise to His name!!!
